[angie9803]

My brother is 21 and dating a 19 year old for approximately 6 months. I am getting married in June and last night I received a myspace message from his girlfriend asking if her family was invited to the wedding. She also stated that her mom has been asking if they were invited. I don't know these people and barely know my brother's girlfriend. I feel that she will be my brother's "guest" to my wedding she is not invited by me and invited by my brother. First of all, what kind of people would ask such a question... I really don't feel that it is appropriate at all. Please help me... what should I tell this girl without sounding like a total pig and getting my brother angry with me? But I feel if I invite her family then I should invite all my relatives inlaws.

[ebaines]

Angie - been there, done that. I agree that it is not appropriate for guests (even your brother) to think that their friends are automatically invited, and especially that their friend's family can expect to be invitd. I know that weddings vary wildly, and some people have an expectation that anyome even remotely connnected to the people getting marred are invited. But for some moral support here - when my children were each married our rule was that we would invite GFs or BFs of guests only if they were married or at least engaged at the time. In our case we were hosting a pretty formal and expensive reception, and had limited room, so we had to be pretty tough about it. So we told my my brother (who was recently divorced and dating a new girl) that his GF woud not be invited. He was hurt, thought the rule was arbitrary, but in the end went along. I think it helped that we were consistent about this - we invoked the same rule for a couple of our daughter's friends who were not allowed to bring their GF/BF either. We also made sure that the groom's parents followed the same rules in putting together their guest list.

As for how to respond - I suggest you first talk to your brother about it. Tell him that you have to make choices here, and unfortunately new GFs and their family don't malke the cut. As for reesponding to the GF - you can say something like "I'm sorry, but we are limiting the guest list pretty severely, and we have decided that we just don't have space for GFs or BFs. I hope you understand, and I look forward to getting to know you better in the future."

[angie9803]

Thank you so much... I really needed this reassurance!

[Jake2008]

I agree with you that 'and guest' covers his girlfriend, but it is not an automatic invite to his girlfriends family.

I agree with ebains that you have to just say 'no', and stick to your guns.

I'm not sure I'd even answer the girlfriend. If you feel you need to say something, tell her that unfortunately, your guest list is finalized, and you cannot change it. Keep it simple.

[dontknownuthin]

You would not sound like a pig at all responding, "I understand my brother Jerry invited you as his date but the rest of your family are not on our guest list." No further explanation is necessary. If she wishes to know why, "My fiance and I do not know your family" would be a suitable answer.

This event as far as your brother's girl friend is involved is simply a date. She should not expect to bring her family to this any more than she'd expect them to come if he invited her to the prom.

[dontknownuthin]

Jake, that's hilarious.

[Jake2008]

Thank you lol