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blackpony · Apr 26, 2010, 10:03 AM

I have been in an relationship for over three years with this woman. We have a child together and we only together for a few months before he was conceived. After that we moved in together and things went as they should for a while. Mind you we are ten years difference in age.

Fast forward a few years now and she is a full time student and I have a career and we have a home and a auto loan etc. A year ago she said that she felt like we had problems and one of them is she felt like I was controlling and she felt like she could never go out like she had wanted to. I could sit here and say no but truthfully I was to her and she was to me. We tried to work it out on our own with did work for a while but went back in a rutt.

In the beginning of the year I began to travle on business off and on for the past 3 months. In that time she began to be stressed out for one because I was gone a lot and from also having to deal with our son by herself and from school.

Last month while we were enjoying some time together and had a few drinks a discussion came up and before long she said she wanted space and we were breaking up. I left again on business and when I came home she had moved out to her mothers. She was at first unwilling not to try to work it out but over the past month she has said that she does want to try BUT does not know if it'll work. I did hurt her emotionally and she said that her feelings for me are hidden away and is not sure how to get them back. I did not understand her upbringing about being the child of an alcoholic parent so I now know how she can hide her emotions without seeming to bother her. We go to therapy in a few weeks and I have been working on me. I have gone the therapy 3 times now and had been reading books about relationships and how to rescue them. She made a comment to me that she also wanted to read the book I did and has said that after she is done with school she will read it. I have been giving her space but it is hard when we have a child together. She comes over twice a week once to have dinner as a family cause we alternate weeks who has our son and than on one day she stays late and we do what ever like play cards. I do not call or text because that was one of my problems and now I get calls from her about pointless things. What should I do?

I should also mention that we see each other quite often and like I said she says she wants to work it out but is unsure the feelings will come back.

talaniman · Apr 26, 2010, 08:26 PM

I think you do nothing, but what your doing. You skipped a whole lot when you conceived, and she has school, and child care which its good you share. I think the age gap puts you in different places, and stages of life, and self awareness, so maybe space is a good thing.

Ever think of getting the grandparents to babysit, and do things other than play cards? Are you still having sex? How much more schooling does she have?

I think the whole issue is child care while she is in school, which has to be rough.

blackpony · Apr 27, 2010, 04:40 AM

talaniman, we have been separated for a little over a month and we have gone out once since then. We did have a great time when we did. A few weeks ago we did have sex and she admitted to me not long ago that one of her problems is her sexual drive and that having sex means that something inside her is starting to work. I would feel more comfortable about my situation if she wasn't so up and down with her comments. One minute she'll say something positive then the next it'll be something negative. She has said that she likes the changes she has seen in me.

We do more than just play cards when she's over like interactive games or just talking. She has a little over a year left in school and her semiester is ending in a few weeks and she had said that when she's done with school in a few weeks than she can focus more on us and not have the distraction of school. When I mentioned child care I might not have been clear enough and I am sorry. She drops our son off at a child care center then is off to school and picks him up at the end of her day at school or work.

One thing I cannot understand is the whole hugging thing. Every time we see each other she wants a hug and I don't mean a short one either. When we do I always kiss her on the cheek also. What does that mean? Is it a type of affection? Another thing I don't get is that she wants space and I do not call or text is she calls me or texts me. Over the weekend I received 7 calls and 2 texts on Saturday within 3 hours and on Sunday it was 3 calls and 2 texts all wondering where I am. I was told that if she calls to answer cause that's her way of thinking about me but I'm just not sure. Next week we are going out again to a local bar that she goes to on occation when she meets some of her girlfriends after classes and we are going out on a date that I am taking her on in a few weeks. Till next week I am not allowed to do nice things for her like sending flowers etc. Not sure why but she said that till after we start therapy.

blackpony · Apr 28, 2010, 05:09 AM

Last night we were together and had fun enjoying each others time. She has always liked my back massages so I began to give her one on the floor. I laid down next to her and she said that it felt awkward me starring at her. So I got a little quiet and began my massage. After that she began to be silent throughout the night. The relationship issues did get brought up and she did tell me again that she was really excited about going to see the counselor and she was going to read the book that I read. I feel like we are on the right track but she still stands behind what she said about not knowing where her emotions are and had also said that doesn't know if she can get them back. Also made a comment that she did miss me but isn't sure if it's for the right reasons. What does this mean? SHould I just relax and just keep cool. I know there is not another person or anything like that she's interested in she just says that she's staying neutral and see what the therapist says.

blackpony · Apr 28, 2010, 05:12 AM

ALso I forgot to mention she said that the reason that she doesn't want to talk about it right now is she wants to get her semister done than she can give us the attention and focus on use. She said that next week she will begin rerading the book I gave her. Please tell me I'm just over analizing and I just need to duct tape my mouth shut till next week.