[passmeby]

Just curious about why I think like this... whenever I meet people, no matter who/where/why I come across the person, I immediately assess the person as one of three things: 1. A parental type figure, 2. a "little brother/sister" type (somebody that "needs" me) or 3. strictly a business relationship. It's like when I meet a person, my mind will not allow me to see a person as being just like me, just a regular person that I could be friends with. It's weird and it really prevents me from having good friendships. I'm not sure because nobody has ever said anything, but I fear that I might come across as either being needy (as with a person I see as a parental figure) or as condescending or even insulting (as with people I'd tend to see as "needing" me). It's like my mind just MAKES me think that I either NEED them or THEY have to need me, there's no in-between. I tend to not be friends with people my own age, I think because they would typically not fit into my "categories". I don't PURPOSELY do that, I think it's subconscious, I must tend to avoid getting to know people my own age at all. Why do I do this, and how can I change the way I think?

[QLP]

Are you in, or have been brought up in, a relationship where you have been pushed into the role of taking care of someone?

I ask this because, my parents were dysfunctional (schizophrenic mother and alcoholic father) and I had to act like the responsible person in the family from a very young age. I found that I went through a lot of life being attracted either to people that needed taking care of (since that was my assumed role) or people that could take care of me (since that would give me a break from being the responsible one and provide me with the parenting I missed out on).

It was only by recognising the patten and the reasons for it that I could start to relate to people on a more equal basis.

You have already spotted the pattern which is a good start. Can you look at the relationships you have had and see where this might have started for you?

[Jake2008]

You are cutting yourself short in putting people into little boxes based on just an impression.

It is normal I think that when you first meet someone, you may find them attractive, or funny, or interesting, but you will only know that by getting to know them, and allowing them to get to know you.

It is a two-way effort by both parties to communicate.

The person you see as a parental figure may be a nurturing, kind and sensitive person, but very strong and self confident as well.

The little brother sister type may appear to you as being a 'needy' person, but perhaps they are just shy when they meet someone new.

While you hold back and overthink everything and settle people into little boxes, you may be missing out on the best friendships you'll ever have- because you could be 100% wrong in your assessments of them.

Why not, the next time you are in a place with new people, commit to talking to a person for 10 minutes. Just normal chit chat. See if their personality comes through a bit, and you can gain more than an impression before you brush them off.

You may surprise yourself in that there is more to them than you ever thought possible, and they may think that you are a really decent person yourself.

[passmeby]

Well, my parents did put a lot of weight on me growing up. I do have alcoholic parents, and also aside from that I had tons of responsibility as a kid-farm work, house work and caring for a much younger sibling. We didn't have time or money for having friends over or going anywhere. We were poor and very rural and a family farm (sole source of income). Couldn't afford to have hired help so us kids had to work, and work like adults. Not simple chores, I mean WORK! My father also skipped out on much of the work once us kids got even older and could do more and more. I really didn't have much of a childhood to speak of. That's a good point you made! I guess I had never thought that that would've carried over and would still be affecting me on a subconcious level like this. Growing up, my parents didn't show love or caring, they were really really tough. As a kid I had to pretty much deal with everything internally as I didn't have anyone to go to with problems or issues, so I guess you're right, I just got used to not relating to others on a personal level. The only ways I ever felt like I had a purpose was either through work or if someone showed care and concern for me. I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone about personal stuff. When I talk to people, it's usually on a very guarded level. Even people I am friends with don't know too much about me. So I guess it's easier for me to just have relationships in which there's something else there (the perceived need from me or for me) to concentrate on rather than concentrating on what a normal friendship would consist of, which would be relating to one another and getting to know each other on a personal basis.

So, I do realize what I have been doing, I've realized it for a long time. And now I think you have pointed out to me why I might do this... but I still don't really know how to change my behavior. I think a lot of it is my discomfort about letting people in, I have no clue how to change that. I think I feel extremely "weakened" if I let people know too much about me. That might be a whole other problem in itself! I just always feel like I have to be very elusive. I feel like if I let a person know too much about me that they would somehow use what they know to somehow hurt me or get to me. Paraniod, huh?! Then again, now that I mentioned all that, I think why I feel that way is because any time I would tell my mom something private or personal, she would usually use it to embarrass me in front of others. She really, really hurt me lots of times by doing that. But I just don't know what to do! I have really high standards regarding who I would be friends with, that I will never change. But I pass up on a lot of opportunity to be friends or at least have some sort of friendly relationship due to my quirks. What the heck can I do? I am moving soon and I want to use it as a fresh start and branch out and at least have more people that I can at the very least have some degree of relationship with.

QLP, I really thank you for making that point, and since I sat down and thought back on all that stuff you really helped me figure lots of things out that I just never put together before. That's awesome! Actually thinking about it and putting it all into words really pinpointed the source of the problems! Wow! Thanks a lot!

But... I'm left with wondering how the heck I can change things. I really don't know what to do. Right now counseling is out of the question, as I am going through a very hectic time moving which is also creating a financial crunch so I have neither the time nor the money now to get counseling. Any tips on what I can do on my own? Or a book I could read? I can afford a book, that's about it! Thanks for the help, I really appreciate it a lot!

[passmeby]

Hi, Jake!

Thanks for the response. I think you maybe misunderstood me a little. It's not like I do this consciously and I'm not brushing people off, it's just that my mind automatically makes me only want to have a relationship in which I am either "needed"/feel like I can "help" this person or that a person can be like a parent figure as in they kind of replace what my parents SHOULD be (but weren't/aren't). It's like I feel like I have no purpose in life other than to either take care of people that "need" me or to be under someone's wing so to speak. By subconciously doing this, I seem to subconciously avoid people my own age so as to avoid having a "normal" friendship in which we would be "equals" and I would have to relate to this person and "let them in". I am uncomfortable letting people know things about me. I really don't do this purposely, I don't go around eliminating people without even speaking to them, it's not like that. It's like I just gravitate towards people that would fit into my categories. In my mind, I just don't allow myself to see people the same way others do, I don't think the same way everyone else does. It's like I even deny that other people have certain feelings, it's hard to explain. Sometimes people have revealed feelings they have towards me and it's like I am just blown away, I just can't fathom the feelings of others. It's really really hard to explain.

But all this that I explained in the OP, it's all subconcious. I've only recently really come face to face with it and recognized it. It might be hard for "normal" people to understand I guess. I just don't see people the same way that most people do, and I don't know how to fix it or if I can fix it. Esp since I am so guarded.

[passmeby]

Oh, and just to add... I'm not shy in the least. By saying I don't want to "let people in", I mean simply that I do not reveal much about myself in any aspect, from feelings all the way down to simple things like where I live or what car I drive. I just don't want people involved very deeply in my life whatsoever. I kind of know why I do this, but I do not know completely why I do it to such an extreme. Any input on that? As I said before, a good deal of it is because of what my mom would do to me by embarrassing me by blurting out very personal things that I told her in confidence. But why I go to such an extreme I do not fully know. It's like I don't want anyone to be able to have any info on me, as if they have ill intentions or something. Or I think "they're my friend NOW, but what if something happened and they decided to turn on me, they would know a lot about me and could use it to hurt me". I know it's kind of silly but it's really a VERY real fear of mine.

I am very outgoing, VERY. I have plenty of opportunity to make all kinds of friends, I just avoid it. People like me and I do notice that they do try to get to know me more and ask me to go do things or hang out or whatever.But... I don't give out my phone # hardly ever, I seem to always make an excuse as to why I won't give it out. I make excuses as to why I can't really hang out... well, not so much excuses but I make it seem like it would be waaaaay too hard for me to get out of the house (which it is hard, as I don't have a babysitter but technically I could do it) I NEVER invite people over. I pretty much see people as intruding in my life or as a nuisance. Even people I like or am friends with, I don't like to talk to them much. I just like to talk or hang out when I want to, I turn down most invitations. I really don't know why I do this to such an extreme. But quite honestly, I like being alone or just with my family for the most part. I don't know that there's anything wrong with that since it's just what I prefer. It's not like I don't have plenty of opportunity to go out or hang out or talk on the phone, I have a lot of opportunity for that, I just choose not to because I simply prefer to be left alone. Typically I ignore most phone calls (aside from business calls) because I just don't want to get stuck in a conversation for an hour, I simply don't like talking on the phone. So really, I don't see that as a problem or an issue since I prefer it. Although it might be unfair to my friends... that's the only reason I'd consider being more flexible, if it was hurting a good friend.

Sooo, I'm not shy or introverted at all, just hesitant to divulge much at all. And I'm not at all lacking in opportunity or ability to find friends, so that's not at all the issue here. It's strictly my own reservations in wanting to relate on a more personal level, my personality quirks. Just wanted to make that clear.

[QLP]

Golly you worked an awful lot out in a few short hours. Well done! All the while you are doing this you are making new connections between your conscious and sub-conscious mind. I guess that is part of how counsellling works, so you are acting like your own counsellor at the moment.

I wish I could give you a quick answer as to what will enable to help you move forwards. All I can tell you is that the more I was able to understand myself and be honest with myself the more it enaabled me to start to be more open with others. But it did take time, a lot of time, and sometimes I felt I was getting nowhere.

I would say right now (and this is only from personal experience not any kind of expert advice) I would sit back and let your feelings clarify about what you have just been exploring about yourself.

If you were going to counselling you wouldn't expect to walk out of the door after your first session and instantly be sorted.

It may be that at some point in the future counselling becomes feasible and you want to do that, but for now you have already recognised for yourself a lot of truths. Give yourself a little time to see what other thoughts and feelings emerge.

If you feel brave enough, and I hope you do, continue to share any insights you gain here. Often just the process of recognising it and giving it voice can be healing in itself. After all, you say you are guarded and never give anything away but look how much you just shared with us. I know we are anonymous strangers and that is not quite as threatening as people up close but it is a good place to start.

Try not to think that you should or can solve all this in one go, but rather think of taking little baby-steps forwards. Instead of focusing on the ultimate goal set yourself tiny goals that will make you feel just a little bit happier and freeer along the way.

[slapshot_oi]

By saying I don't want to "let people in", I mean simply that I do not reveal much about myself in any aspect. . . Sooo, I'm not shy or introverted at all, just hesitant to divulge much at all. . .

That's what an introvert. I get the vibe from your posts that you think introversion is a bad thing, which it isn't, it's just a personality type.

I think this is one of those things where it's a problem only if you see it as one. Personally, I think how you size people up is normal.

Sorry for the brevity, but I do have a question, does this stress you out?

[passmeby]

Thanks so much, QLP! As soon as you said what you said in the first post, it was like I saw the light! It was really amazing how it just instantly made so much sense! I am one of those people that just hates blaming parents for things, so it's sort of hard in that respect for me. But I guess it's not so much blaming them, it's just how I was raised-when you're raised without feeling like you're cared for or worth anything besides as a workhorse, I guess you can't expect to be able to relate to people in a totally normal manner, huh?! Especially since we were raised in such a rural area, my parents were pretty much the only influence in my life and I didn't get to see how other families "worked" so I really didn't know any different. I find that I do not need to feel appreciated or cared for or expect to get a "pat on the back" or anything, which doesn't bother me in the least, I find it actually as a weakness in others to be so needy of that stuff. BUT-I make DAMN sure my kids know I love them dearly and that they are the center of my world and would NEVER do anything to hurt them to any degree in any manner. If there's one good thing that came from my parents, it was that I learned how NOT to act! And what NOT to do to my kids! I do the exact opposite of what my parents did, basically. My god, I can't fathom doing to my kids what my parents did to me! It hurts me so badly to look at my children and think "how the heck could my parents have done what they did to me??"! The love that I have for my kids is so great, I really really can't believe that people could be so cruel as my parents were to a child. How could they have done what they did, how could they be so cold and cruel PURPOSELY? As an adult I've asked my mom about that and she dismisses it, basically saying that I shouldn't take it so seriously and she does not believe that what they did could've caused any problems for me, especially now that I'm an adult. She refuses to see what they've done or admit that it caused me a lot of grief. Which hurts as well. I guess I'll never be able to resolve that, how could I if they won't even admit any wrongdoing or any fault? Part of resolving it for me is needing to hear the other person admit to it. Not even apologize but just admit. Is that wrong? With anything, I always pretty much have to hear the other party admit that they did something wrong or hurtful.

Well, I'm still processing everything, but I will post back later on with any more questions or realizations, or just to vent and chat. Thanks for listening! I really appreciate it!

[QLP]

Thanks so much, QLP!! As soon as you said what you said in the first post, it was like I saw the light!! It was really amazing how it just instantly made so much sense!! I am one of those people that just hates blaming parents for things, so it's sorta hard in that respect for me. But I guess it's not so much blaming them, it's just how I was raised-when you're raised without feeling like you're cared for or worth anything besides as a workhorse, I guess ya can't expect to be able to relate to people in a totally normal manner, huh??!! Especially since we were raised in such a rural area, my parents were pretty much the only influence in my life and I didn't get to see how other families "worked" so I really didn't know any different. I find that I do not need to feel appreciated or cared for or expect to get a "pat on the back" or anything, which doesn't bother me in the least, I find it actually as a weakness in others to be so needy of that stuff. BUT-I make DAMN sure my kids know I love them dearly and that they are the center of my world and would NEVER do anything to hurt them to any degree in any manner. If there's one good thing that came from my parents, it was that I learned how NOT to act!! And what NOT to do to my kids!! I do the exact opposite of what my parents did, basically. My god, I can't fathom doing to my kids what my parents did to me!! It hurts me so badly to look at my children and think "how the heck could my parents have done what they did to me??"!! The love that I have for my kids is so great, I really really can't believe that people could be so cruel as my parents were to a child. How could they have done what they did, how could they be so cold and cruel PURPOSELY?? As an adult I've asked my mom about that and she dismisses it, basically saying that I shouldn't take it so seriously and she does not believe that what they did could've caused any problems for me, especialy now that I'm an adult. She refuses to see what they've done or admit that it caused me a lot of grief. Which hurts as well. I guess I'll never be able to resolve that, how could I if they won't even admit any wrongdoing or any fault? Part of resolving it for me is needing to hear the other person admit to it. Not even apologize but just admit. Is that wrong? With anything, I always pretty much have to hear the other party admit that they did something wrong or hurtful.

Well, I'm still processing everything, but I will post back later on with any more questions or realizations, or just to vent and chat. Thanks for listening!! I really appreciate it!!

I can definitely relate to exactly what you mean about your own children. Mine are adults now but I would still wrestle tigers on a bed of broken glass to protect them so yes I fully understand how bewildering it can be to see your own parents so lacking in that department.

I have come to forgive my mum, since it was her illness at fault and she has died now. I have forgiven my dad for the past but I still feel deep disappointment that even now he clearly doesn't give a moment's thought to the welfare of any of his offspring. I have never had a single phone call or visit from him in my life. He didn't even turn up at my wedding. Once when I visited him with my children when they were small he said.' sorry I haven't got your children anything for christmas - we could only afford to buy for the grandkids', by which he meant his new wife's children. Now I couldn't care less about the gifts, but it would have been nice if he had actually realised my children are his grandkids! Getting him to acknowledge he was in any way lacking as a parent would be an impossiblilty.

I have come to realise that he himself is probably a product of how he was brought up and what life has taught him (not much that is positive in my opinion but ah well). I did think for a while, 'if I could turn my upbringing around and become a better person for it why couldn't you'. But the fact is he couldn't or didn't. I do know that there are some advantages these days in that we have self-help books, forums like this, friends who are more open about things, etc. In fact people are more open about a whole lot of things that would have been deemed shameful in the past so would not have been talked about. Maybe our generation has been empowered by this lilke never before so that we truly have an opportunity to change things for our children and for the future for the better. I do like that thought.

Anyway I don't really know why he is stuck as the person he is but I have come to decide it is his loss more than mine. I am lucky to have turned my life around and proud to have raised 2 amazing children.

I rarely see him any more. I just don't think we have anything to offer one another that is meaningful. However, I don't feel the need to avoid him and can be civil enough. I just feel rather sad for him and dissapponted in him but I know I can't change him and I doubt he will do so now.

I won't say that I'm entirely happy about it all but I have reached a degree of acceptance that is something I can live with. I hope you come to a place that you feel is OK for you, whatever that place might be. Nobody can tell you what thoughts or feelings are the right ones, only you can discover what works for you. I'm sure you will get there in your own good time. Stay in touch, I look forward to hearing from you again. I wish you love, light and peace.

[passmeby]

QLP, I really truly appreciate this whole conversation we have had, and I've been thinking about all of it ever since! It's been real helpful simply knowing that my upbringing might be a great contributing factor in why I do what I do now. That part was real hard for me to get ahold of, as I'm not a big supporter of the whole idea that parents can do things that affect an adult child and their decisions-although I see now that it's not so much affecting my decisions, but my attitude towards relationships and so forth. I picked up a good book a couple weeks ago entitled "Toxic Parents" and was able to finally finish getting through it and it as well helped me to overcome that roadblock of "blame". I found out that there are a LOT of people just like me who feel the same way, regardless of WHAT their paernts "did" to them or what their current problem is, they felt the same way I did, they didn't want to "blame" their parents for messing up their lives. That was very refreshing to find that I wasn't alone in that regard and that that was a very natural response for a lot of people-that it made them feel I guess somewhat helpless or resigning their fate to their parent's upbeinging style, as they felt it was sort of a sign of failure or weakness or "throwing up their hands" at what their parents did. But all it really is is what was driven into our heads in all those formative years and it reveals itself in subconcious ways, it's not weakness or resigning, I think now, it's just what we had learned and thought was "right" and it creeped into other realms of our social/life habits and there was nothing we did or could have done to help it, it just happened to us, we weren't "guilty" or "weak" or anything. I get it now and I find it easier to accept and handle in that respect. Gosh, it was sooo, sooo, refreshing to hear voices that sounded just like mine and had the same reservations and feelings as mine. You don't even know how much that helps! Seriously!

I really appreciate everything you said QLP, esp the thing about how you currently relate to your father. How you said you don't really get along or have anything to offer one another yet you don't feel the need to avoid him. I feel the same way now and it feels a lot like a big "growing up" on my part. It feels to me like I've come to terms with what our relationship has been,is and what it's ever going to be. And that's perfectly OK. We don't ever have to be buddy-buddy and resolve everything between ourselves! We can exist as we are. We are humans and we all make mistakes and it makes no sense for me to go on wanting a resolution if it's never going to come, or never going to be satisfying enough for me anyway, either way. I can accept that my parents made grave mistakes and the best thing I can do with that knowledge is to NOT make the same mistakes with my own children, thus hopefully stopping any cycle and giving my kids the best possible chance at being sane! Although I would certainly appreciate a heartfelt apology, I realize now that it's not a reality, esp since it's absolutely highly possible that my parents really thought they did a good job and they may truly think they did their best, even though through my eyes I think they made obvious PURPOSE cruel errors towards me, but maybe they didn't know any better, although I will never understand that. But I can choose to accept it and be able to move forward instead of getting hung up on an apology or realizationt or admitting of failure that will possibly NEVER come. So, that's that, and it's OK now. I've GOT to move on and get over it somehow and absolutely NOT let it affect my kids at the least, and hopefully at the most allow me to improve my own personal relationships and friendships, although that is absolutely secondary to my own children, by far. I will do anything to allow my kids a pain-free life and a happy, normal one! I've done a great job so far, I am confident of that, as I am soooooo aware of every hurtful, painful and damaging thing my parents did to me and I have already been quite vigilant to avoid doing anything remotely hurtful or harmful to my kids! I am very happy with that, if that is my only accomplishment ever, that my kids are safe, happy and well-adjusted. I cannot be bitter, it will get me nowhere. Realizing this and realizing where all these behaviors and tendencies came from has helped immensely in getting past the whole thing, it's really been amazing in that regard, I've never felt such release like this and a feeling of brother/sisterhood with others like me, I've finally felt OK with getting past something like this without needing an apology from the other party. Absolutely amazing, really.

QLP, you've really helped me so much and I am so grateful to you for that. I hope you know how much you've done for me just by simply doing what you've done here and being a good listener and inserting an observant, smart opinion! You are what prompted me to buy that book, and that also helped me immensely. I owe a lot to you, I really do!

[positiveparent]

I apologise for the first reply, I didn't word it in a very pallatable way, I apologise to the OP if I have caused any offence.

I can recommend at least one book to you, that could help show you what could be one reason to look into the way you are towards those you meet.

It is:
Children of the self absorbed by Nina W Brown Ed.D. LPC

Price is $16.95 from Amazon.com

[positiveparent]

Contents deleted.

[Jake2008]

I must have missed something. Positive Parent, your points:

"I would say you are somewhat judgemental and critical in your assessment of others, and this is because you had at least one Narcissitic Parent possibly 2".

You also refer to her parents as being abusive: "Also dont bother forgiving your parents theyre not bothered, you were no more than their source of negative energy, they didnt care what it did to you, and take it from me getting over this kind of abuse is no picnic."

Just wondering why you have diagnosed narcissism, and concluded abuse, by her parents?

[QLP]

QLP, I really truly appreciate this whole conversation we have had, and I've been thinking about all of it ever since! It's been real helpful simply knowing that my upbringing might be a great contributing factor in why I do what I do now. That part was real hard for me to get ahold of, as I'm not a big supporter of the whole idea that parents can do things that affect an adult child and their decisions-although I see now that it's not so much affecting my decisions, but my attitude towards relationships and so forth. I picked up a good book a couple weeks ago entitled "Toxic Parents" and was able to finally finish getting thru it and it as well helped me to overcome that roadblock of "blame". I found out that there are a LOT of people just like me who feel the same way, regardless of WHAT their paernts "did" to them or what their current problem is, they felt the same way I did, they didn't want to "blame" their parents for messing up their lives. That was very refreshing to find that I wasn't alone in that regard and that that was a very natural response for a lot of people-that it made them feel I guess somewhat helpless or resigning their fate to their parent's upbeinging style, as they felt it was sorta a sign of failure or weakness or "throwing up their hands" at what their parents did. But all it really is is what was driven into our heads in all those formative years and it reveals itself in subconcious ways, it's not weakness or resigning, I think now, it's just what we had learned and thought was "right" and it creeped into other realms of our social/life habits and there was nothing we did or could have done to help it, it just happened to us, we weren't "guilty" or "weak" or anything. I get it now and I find it easier to accept and handle in that respect. Gosh, it was sooo, sooo, refreshing to hear voices that sounded just like mine and had the same exact reservations and feelings as mine. You don't even know how much that helps!! Seriously!!

I really appreciate everything you said QLP, esp the thing about how you currently relate to your father. How you said you don't really get along or have anything to offer one another yet you don't feel the need to avoid him. I feel the same way now and it feels a lot like a big "growing up" on my part. It feels to me like I've come to terms with what our relationship has been,is and what it's ever going to be. And that's perfectly OK. We don't ever have to be buddy-buddy and resolve everything between ourselves!! We can exist as we are. We are humans and we all make mistakes and it makes no sense for me to go on wanting a resolution if it's never going to come, or never going to be satisfying enough for me anyway, either way. I can accept that my parents made grave mistakes and the best thing I can do with that knowledge is to NOT make the same mistakes with my own children, thus hopefully stopping any cycle and giving my kids the best possible chance at being sane!! Although I would certainly appreciate a heartfelt apology, I realize now that it's not a reality, esp since it's absolutely highly possible that my parents really thought they did a good job and they may truly think they did their best, even though thru my eyes I think they made obvious PURPOSE cruel errors towards me, but maybe they didn't know any better, although I will never understand that. But I can choose to accept it and be able to move forward instead of getting hung up on an apology or realizationt or admitting of failure that will quite possibly NEVER come. So, that's that, and it's OK now. I've GOT to move on and get over it somehow and absolutely NOT let it affect my kids at the least, and hopefully at the most allow me to improve my own personal relationships and friendships, although that is absolutely secondary to my own children, by far. I will do anything to allow my kids a pain-free life and a happy, normal one!! I've done a great job so far, I am confident of that, as I am soooooo aware of every hurtful, painful and damaging thing my parents did to me and I have already been quite vigilant to avoid doing anything remotely hurtful or harmful to my kids!! I am very happy with that, if that is my only accomplishment ever, that my kids are safe, happy and well-adjusted. I cannot be bitter, it will get me nowhere. Realizing this and realizing where all these behaviors and tendencies came from has helped immensely in getting past the whole thing, it's really been amazing in that regard, I've never felt such release like this and a feeling of brother/sisterhood with others like me, I've finally felt OK with getting past something like this without needing an apology from the other party. Absolutely amazing, really.

QLP, you've really helped me so much and I am so grateful to you for that. I hope you know how much you've done for me just by simply doing what you've done here and being a good listener and inserting an observant, smart opinion!! You are what prompted me to buy that book, and that also helped me immensely. I owe a lot to you, I really do!!

I'm so sorry I somehow missed your latest post. I am so happy if anything I said was helpful but you really only needed a little ear and an odd word and you have done so much work yourself.

I find it amazing that whenever we have been stuck with anything in life, once we find that little thing to move us forwards, very often more and more things fall into place. I mean you found just the right book at the right time and I'm so glad it helped.

I have found that once I am open to finding the magic in life it often pops up all over the place. Sometimes I have found myself drawn to a novel or piece of music simply because I thought I would like it only to find a profound message in there. Once your heart it open you can find help and insipiration all over the place. I can see that your heart is opening more and more and you are still moving forwards.

Try not to worry too much about the results, i.e. how exactly you will make more friends or whatever. You are moving forwards every day. Enjoy the journey and keep your heart and mind open and it will all fall into place in good time. If you get to a point where you know your heart is ready but you just need practical pointers or practice then I'm sure those will be easy enough to sort out when the time is right. If you get stuck we are here and will try to help.

Well done for how far you have come. Remember, nobody forced you to put that first post on here asking for help. You were ready to look for it and if you found a little something to help that was because you were ready to hear it.

Of course it is absolutely lovely when someone tells you that you have helped them and I thank you for saying so, but any of us can only help people who are ready and willing. You obviously were and are.

I continue to wish the best for you. I promise to try to be more alert if you come post again, don't know how I missed that sorry.