[lthompson67]

My ex-spouse lives about 5 hrs away and has had protection orders, supervised visitation,etc. At this point, my son visits 1 wkend/month and 3 weeks in the summer (plus the wkends), and 5 days at christmas, plus rotating holidays for Thanksgiving, Memorial Day, and Labor Day. The visits go okay, but my son - nearly 11 - says Dad approached him about 6 weeks in the summer, every other wkend, rotating holidays for Easter, Spring Break, Fourth of July...
My son is not comfortable spending all of that time away - there are some issues. First, my son comes home at the end of the weekend, visibly unbathed and admits to being told to brush his teeth just once during that time. This is a regular thing. Also, ex & spouse smoke in house and in car, with our child, and he smells like an ashtray. Also, they have 2 dogs and 2 cats and my kid is filled with animal hair at the end of each visit. I'm allergic and my son has awful sinus issues, so it's a struggle. Dad proposed the increased visitation, and I countered w/ something pretty generous (like spend one of those 2 wkends/mo in town, with my son, to watch his sporting activities, get to know his friends, etc) - he came back and said NO. Says he takes priority - not our son's sporting activities or time with his friends. Plus, he wants me to meet him 1/2 way, each time, for pick-up and return. In the meantime, he sends a message to our oldest (now 19) about trouble in their relationship and the message ends like this, ".......make this right, or I'm going to petition God's wrath to your house." Don't even know what this really means, but it does scare me a bit. Is he threatening our household? I am just not sure that increased visitation is a good idea. I'd love some input ; )

[cdad]

If he has been doing well with the visitation then the courts may grant him more time if it goes that far. One of your outs is that you can ask in court papers that if he smokes he at least does it outside the home and also not in an enclosed space like the car while your child is present.

[Fr_Chuck]

Every other weekend, about 1/2 of the summer and every other holiday are the most common visits ( for min visits)

1. at 11 if anyone has to tell him to brush his teeth, it is wrong, child should know proper hygene by then without beinf told to bathe or brush teeth.

Owning animals, and smoking are not normally reasons not to allow visits, if you have documented evidence from the doctor you may try and use it

[Jake2008]

"My ex-spouse lives abt 5 hrs away and has had protection orders". I'm not sure what this means, have you had the order against him, or has he had it against you.

What about mediation. If it is available in either of your jurisdictions, why not make the effort to attend and see if something can't be worked out, including the input of your 11 year old.