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Accepting a child outside marriage
My boyfriend and I have been dating for close to five years and are in a serious relationship (planning to get married). Two years ago I had to relocate far from him and hardly got time for each other during that time he cheated on me and got a girl pregnant. The baby is now a year old I have forgave him already and I think I still love him, should I give him a second chance?
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That's something you really need to do a lot of thinking about. Even if you forgive him for cheating and are confident enough he won't cheat again and he's able to earn your trust again, how are you going to deal with this child of his now? Can you accept the child and this other woman? I would expect that he's going to be involved in his child's life. If he's not, that's just one more red flag. If he's involved in his child's life, he's going to have to continue dealing with this other woman through out the child's life. Can you handle that? What happens if you and your boyfriend later have children? Can you treat them all equally? If not, that can cause a lot of tension. This is all stuff you have to consider when thinking about whether a second chance is a good idea. |
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If you can truly forgive him and accept the situation, then go for it. Just remember if you go back with him that you will just have to deal with it. The reality is that the child will always be his child. The woman he slept with will always be the child's mother. That means that they will always be in contact somewhat until the child is raised. If you really love him then you must be willing to accept the situation and support his relationship with and support of his child. You'd also have to accept your role as step-mother if you were to marry him. If you can't handle it, it is time to look for greener pastures. |
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If you really want to be in the middle of the mess he made, go right ahead. It seems to me though that since you have left you haven't gotten over him, or you two stayed in contact and he has been feeding you the "I have learned my lesson and want you back". If the latter is true, NO, give yourself a chance to have a life without him, and see how you feel without his influence. If you have had no contact at all with him, keep it that way. Which is it? |
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