[factorygirl]

All right, so I have been dating my boyfriend for about 9 months now. Things have been going good, but I have come to realise he really likes things to be 50/50. I don't mind paying for my own things, I have been doing so for quite some time now, I live on my own and go to school full time. He works as an accountant and lives with his parents.

The issue I am having with him right now is that we are going to my cousins wedding in July (im so excited, family is very important to me) he has agreed to pay his way there (50$), but refuses to pitch in on the cost of a gift and has also refused to help pay for the hotel room I booked to stay over night.
He has also refused to buy a 15$ ticket for my cousins stag party.. he says he doesn't know him so it wouldn't make sense to buy one. (Which is a HUGE no-no for people in my family... or for any french canadian family lol) I tried to explain to him the money raised from the ticket selling covers the costs of the wedding for the bride and groom and he just wasn't having any of it.

Is it me or does that seem cheap? Set aside he refuses to help pay for the hotel room or to pitch in on the gift... but now he refuses to even buy a stag ticket.

[CarrotTalker]

Yea that's definitely really cheap.

I consider myself a very frugal individual and save/invest/spend my money wisely, but even I would kick in for the expenses you are talking about.

If he likes things to be 50/50, ask him why he doesn't want to split the hotel room and gift cost?

[factorygirl]

Yea that's definitely really cheap.

I consider myself a very frugal individual and save/invest/spend my money wisely, but even I would kick in for the expenses you are talking about.

If he likes things to be 50/50, ask him why he doesn't want to split the hotel room and gift cost?

Thanks for the feedback. I have asked him that and he says I invited him, he is a guest so he shouldn't have to pay for anything. I don't agree with this obviously, he is my boyfriend, not just a friend that I have invited to the wedding.. I feel like it should come with the territory.. you know what I mean?

[amicon]

That IS cheap-and it would seriously put me off.

Sorry,but he can't even spend $15 on a stag ticket-whats his middle name?
Scrouge?

[CarrotTalker]

Yea that sounds ridiculous!

I never expect the person inviting me to pay for me.

I'm not sure what else to say, I am at a loss at the level of absurdity!

Is he this stubborn with other things?

[Lucky098]

Apparently he doesn't like to split thing 50/50 otherwise he would have done so. He wants you to pay for the whole trip on your own... Possibly because he thinks its your family, so why should he have to pay for the invite.

I'm mean.. I would have either told him to help pay or stay home :)

Good luck

[hungtoronto]

If he's the type of guy who doesn't like to spend money and you are always having events with family and friends of yours then I can see why he's not willing to pay. What if he tells you he doesn't want to go? Would it makes you upset?

[factorygirl]

Yea that sounds ridiculous!

I never expect the person inviting me to pay for me.

I'm not sure what else to say, I am at a loss at the level of absurdity!

Is he this stubborn with other things?

Only when it comes to money, otherwise he is great to be around. Since day one we have always paid our own way... which at times kind of gets to me (girls like to be treated from time to time :p) but now it's getting to be a little much.

Apparently he doesnt like to split thing 50/50 otherwise he would have done so. He wants you to pay for the whole trip on your own... Possibly because he thinks its your family, so why should he have to pay for the invite.

I'm mean.. I would have either told him to help pay or stay home :)

Good luck

We are going to talk about it again today and if he doesn't offer to at least help out with the hotel.. I am going to tell him to stay home and take a step back and really think of where this relationship is going.

Thanks for the feedback :)

If he's the type of guy who doesn't like to spend money and you are always having events with family and friends of yours then I can see why he's not willing to pay. What if he tells you he doesn't want to go? Would it makes you upset?

This is the first ever family/friend event.

If he doesn't want to go I would be fine with that... but it's the opposite he keeps telling me he can't wait to meet the rest of my family.. yet he refuses to pay. It seems cheap to me. But thanks for responding.

[amicon]

That's what I would do-talk and see what comes up.
Being careful with money is one thing,but this goes beyond that.

[hungtoronto]

The hotel room, was it your idea or his or both? If he refuse to pay would you settle to stay over night at a relative or friend? If you love him enough and want to work this thing out there are ways you could come up with so that it works out. I am sure you want him to meet your family as well.

[talaniman]

You would be better off taking your girlfriend. Nope if he can't at least split the hotel room, he stays at home, and saves everybody some money. That's how you deal with cheapo's.

[factorygirl]

The hotel room, was it your idea or his or both? If he refuse to pay would you settle to stay over night at a relative or friend? If you love him enough and want to work this thing out there are ways you could come up with so that it works out. I am sure you want him to meet your family as well.

The hotel room was my idea , BECAUSE.. My original plan was to stay at my aunts, but he said he didn't feel comfortable with that. Which is okay with me, but I can't be expected to pay it all by myself, right?

[hungtoronto]

The hotel room was my idea , BECAUSE.. My original plan was to stay at my aunts, but he said he didn't feel comfortable with that. Which is okay with me, but I can't be expected to pay it all by myself, right?

Look like you gave him different options but he's not willing to meet you half way. Who is this guy think he is? I suggest you tell him to stay home if he's not willing to pay.

[Carolinadewitte]

Please, be careful. People don't change. If he is like this now, he will always be like this, even if you should get married. If you DID get married, I'm sure he would consider YOUR earnings 'his' as well, and proscribe how you could spend ANY money. Personally, I would take this situation as the 'final straw', since he obviously has a lot more money than you. I would run from him as fast as my legs could take me. Of course, if you think you could stand a lifetime of this.. I do hope you find someone who will treat you as you deserve to be treated. This doesn't mean you NEVER pay for anything, just that the arrangement would be more equitable for both parties. And, yes, the occasional 'surprise' gift is something everyone loves getting. It doesn't have to be expensive, even a single rose lets you know that someone is thinking about YOU. For now though, just leave him at home if he won't pay his fair share. Good luck.

[myagony1234]

He is very odd, and not a good material for husband at all.
Please talk to him directly eye to eye in front,
“Hey, our cost will be xyz in total for this trip, and you pay 50%. Can you give me the money now, so I can buy a gift for bride, sweetie?”
Of course, you should include everything in XYZ from gift to snack on the road, etc.
Let's see what he has to say.

If he cannot take care of his share in this direct approch, you are with a very weird dude. He has a serious problem, he will not take care of you in marriage, and it will be a huge problem. You should let go this dude.

[talaniman]

Sleeping at home in bed by himself is your solution. Then you can afford a gift, and a stag party! :eek::D

[Kevin86]

Plus he still lives with his parents, so he probably has plenty of money anyway :)

I'm curious how that conversation will turn out. One thing is for sure, you need to talk to him, and not just about the wedding, but also about the future.