[cporcher]

To make a long story... less long: My boyfriend(D) & I broke up about two months ago because I lied to him. (I was trying to avoid an argument when an ex-boyfriend of mine sent me a text asking me to come back to him. When D asked who it was that text, I told him it was a co-worker, he looked at the phone, and kicked me out of our home). Then about two weeks later, we started hanging out again. D said that we weren't back together yet even though we were sleeping together because he didn't trust me and I would have to prove that I wanted "us" and show him he could trust me. Every time we hung out, I made sure to go back to my home(parents) every night. Last weekend, we went to his brother's wedding out-of-town which I ended up getting fired from my job since I wasn't able to go in. Everything went great. After we got back in-town, he started getting upset with me... saying he needed some space like 2 or 3 days, then he said he couldn't be with me because he couldn't trust me (He thought he could but now he knows he will never be able to trust me). So I gave D some space (only text'd him a couple times). He told me that if I wanted to have sex, then I could call him instead of hooking up with someone new. The only thing was that I couldn't stay the night, I would have to leave as soon as we were done and no showing up unexpected. So last night, I played the "I dont have to have you in my life but since the sex is great Ill use you for that" approach. As I was leaving his place, he tells me this: He still loves me but we can never be together cause of the trust issue. We can have sex as long as it's a secret and no one finds out, we are going to try to get pregnant but were not together and we are free to see whoever we want, but if and when I do get pregnant he will be with me and only me. I asked him how we could try to get pregnant and be seeing other people at the same time and not be cheating. He said that if he get in an exclusive relationship with someone and I wasn't pregnant by then, that we would stop trying. He never said anything about me dating someone. He used himself in examples. I don't have any kids and D has one 4 year old but the mother doesn't let D see him. They're going to court for that sometime soon.
I love him so much and I want him back. I would love to have a baby with him too. I lost my job cause I was trying to prove how much I wanted to be with him. I apologized for lying several times. Ive never cheated on him. I leave my phone out so he can check it whenever he wants to (not that he does... only sometimes), I tell him when someone calls me, I let him tell my guy friends to stop calling. And now he expects this secret sex life with me, while we try to get pregnant. I don't know what to do anymore. Please Help!

[talaniman]

Getting pregnant through secret sex is an asinine idea, that should not only be rejected, but you should be mad he even thinks that way.

I could elaborate quite a bit, but name calling is inappropriate on this site. Especially the ones I have in mind.

[Jake2008]

How absolutely ridiculous this situation is.

You do not have a stable relationship with this man, there is no loving home, or future plans being made to accommodate marriage or a family, yet, you are seriously considering having a baby in order to keep him?

This is not love. This is him using you, and you letting him. Why do you settle for so little, and why would you consider having a baby for him?

I am at a loss as to how incidental and inconsequential a baby fits into this picture. Neither of you are anywhere near being emotionally stable enough to be a mother and father to a child. Please keep taking birth control and don't bring an innocent child into this.

Try to stand on your own two feet. Get another job, and out of your parents house. Find your own path, with your own goals and dreams. Build your own life with strong people and friends in it, that don't have you leading down the path of poverty.

If he is not good boyfriend material, he is not good husband material. And if he's not mature enough to be either of those, he's certainly not ready to have a baby.

You can do much better than the path you are on now.

[kp2171]

Not going to give you any stamp of approval.

He is manipulating you and you should expect nothing back... except for him to take whatever he wants when he wants it.

If he cannot commit to you without a child, he has it within him to not commit to you, period.

Just the truth.

[amicon]

Distance yourself from this idiotic situation asap.

Secret sex? Trying for a baby?

Tell him to get lost.

Heal from the breakup and regain your selfrespect.

[myagony1234]

Bad idea.
In any circumstances, having a baby SHOULD NOT be used to fix rocky relationship. Period. It only makes everything worse, and can create miserable single mother and father, and unhappy baby. Having a baby is not like taking an experimental injection to a bad relationship, and it is a life time commitment for 2 partners.
The order to fix the relationship is:
1. work out with your relationship first, and resolve issues
2. make sure you are both in love
3. then legally get married,
4. enjoy your partners & honeymoon period enough
5. and when you are ready, have a baby.
Don't you think baby deserves a legally family?

He should stay wth you because he loves you as you are, not because you are the mother of his baby.

[Romefalls19]

Having a baby isn't going to fix things, I don't see why you two think they will. Don't you have a little self respect that you don't want to be a sex toy that he can have whenever he wants?

[Devorameira]

Are you totally insane?

What makes you believe that you being a mother would be in the best interests of a child (because after all this is not about you right? It is about what would be best for the baby).

It’s obvious that you aren’t financially stable. Do you have a plan of how to support this baby on your own? Who is going to provide for you when you're on maternity leave? What happens if the baby is sick and you have to stay home? Who takes care of the baby then?

It’s bad enough that you’re sleeping with the ex when he’s obviously using you, but to think about bringing an innocent baby into the mix is ridiculous. You think that having a baby will bring him back to you, but I don’t think he’ll ever come back to you. It’s obvious that he’s seeing someone else - why else would he want to hide you away and only see you for sex?

Don’t allow him to use you - grow up, move on, and find someone that really cares.

[talaniman]

And now he expects this secret sex life with me,

Booty call.

while we try to get pregnant.

BOOTY CALL

I don't know what to do anymore. Please Help!

Keep your legs closed, and as far away from him as possible.

[88sunflower]

Are you serious? You break up. He only wants sex. He goes to a wedding and comes back treating you worse and says he only wants sex if no one knows about it. First to me is sounds like he met someone else and you're his back up.

You can't stay the night and you can't show unexpected? Again, why are you a big secret? Oh but wait, he wants to have a baby with you. Hmm... is that baby going to be a secret to?

Wait, you're a secret sex partner only when he wants it. What if you do get pregnant? Will the baby be a secret love child? Is this a way for him to have you and deny the baby is his. I mean if you're a secret then how can the baby be his if he was never sleeping with you.

This is crazy. I can't even think straight over it.

[Newguy2009]

WOW! I don't even know what to say other than this is just retarded.

[kp2171]

Any time a person thinks having a child will make the relationship easier or more complete... uh... yeah... they obviously don't have kids.

I love being a father. It is hard, demanding work that draws energy away from your relationship with your partner. Its worth it... but it is naïve to think having a baby will right a relationship with struggles.

[Alty]

Is this the same guy that possibly gave you an STD?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/medica...ex-460853.html

So you're still having sex with this douchebag? Trust me, that's the nicest term I could find to describe him.

Get some self respect and kick him to the curb.