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Ithappenstoall · Mar 16, 2010, 10:53 PM

Hello.
I had a huge fight out of nothing with my dad and I really cannot stand him anymore. He has been going through some tough times right night (fincanical crisis), therefore I sympathize with him and I have been trying to cheer him up telling him that someone in your position (he used to be a CEO) should knoe that you should find other options soon.
Anyway so I was trying to cheer him up and then he asked me how I was doing. I am in a long distance relationship and he has a problem with that and with her although she has done nothing and is great. At this point all the cursing and all the hatred in the world came down and I didn't do anything. I am sick and tired of his attitude and cannot stand this negativity and loser attitude. He tells I never listen to him and do what I want, which is not true and I the same time I am mature enough to make my own decision. He honestly lost it and now I do not feel any relationship with him anymore on top of legal obligations because he is my dad.
I tried to reason with him but he is just acting like a 12 year old. I am talking calmly he is screaming. I try to tell him I want to take this risk he tells me I am stabbing his heart. Ridiculous. Then he end the conversation with go **** yourself and her
At this point I was done, that just killed it in my head.

Ithappenstoall · Mar 16, 2010, 10:54 PM

I would appreciate any advice on what to do at this point and handle this. My other family members tell me don't take it personally, someone at this age having lost a lot is hard but I didn't do anything to upset him, he is just being ridiculous... thank you

JoeCanada76 · Mar 16, 2010, 11:06 PM

Did your dads behavior change after him losing his job/ position. Financial burden can cause a lot of stress in somebody life but that does not mean he has a right to take it out on you. How old are you? Quite honestly if your in a long distance relationship is not really the same as being in a true committed relationship and you will not truly know the person until you are actually with that person.

Your dad may have a point. Long distance relationships can work but a lot of times they do not, because it can cause lots of problems. Not saying this is the case but at the same time instead of cursing and swearing at you.

Your dad needs to realize that he can not control everything or antyhing in his life and maybe that is why he is acting out too, he wants some control in his life and does not have it.

He loves you and whether you like it or not, just trying to protect you from getting hurt. At the same time you need to learn and grow and learn from your own life experiences whether good or bad. Whether things work out or not, big mistakes can be made but that is the only way to grow and learn.

Counseling is needed for your relationship for his issues that is causing so much turmoil.

hheath541 · Mar 16, 2010, 11:31 PM

Sounds like a lot of little things built up, and he just snapped. I would give him time to cool down. If he contacts you, then don't cut him off. Give him a chance to apologize or, if he's not the type to verbally apologize, let his actions show his remorse.

To me, it sounds like he's afraid you'll end up where he is. He lost his job. He wants you to have everything you can out of life. At the same time, he's a parent, and parents always think they know what's best for their kids.

Yes, his explosion was unreasonable, and he has no right to tell you who to date. At the same time, he's stressed and worried about his future, which means he's worried about your future. Give him time to cool down and let him show that he's sorry.

If he doesn't make any attempt to apologize, with words or actions, within a reasonable amount of time (call that about twice the normal length of time you usually go between talking, as long as that time doesn't exceed a month or so), then you can decide if you want to confront him over this.

Ithappenstoall · Mar 16, 2010, 11:42 PM

I understand. I am 24 and couldn't believe this reaction. I appreaciate the advice

Ithappenstoall · Mar 17, 2010, 02:19 AM

It was too much to take, I am so mad right now

Jake2008 · Mar 17, 2010, 09:12 AM

You have to try to recognize that when he is getting wound up, and looking to vent, you need to leave. Just politely tell him that you will discuss things with him later, you've got something to do.

You are old enough to make your own decisions about your life, and you may be coming across as trite or condescending because to your father, you don't understand what he's going through. (even if you do)

It is not an argument or confrontation so much as it is people being hurt by comments, perhaps saying the wrong things, and reacting to nothing concrete. For example, you don't know when he's going to get a job, and he doesn't have a clue about your relationship with your girlfriend. Nothing is going to be gained, because nothing can be 'won'.

Try to just step back, and separate your hurt feelings and anger from what is really going on here, and that is a big life transition for your father, and you being in a position to do little to diffuse his anger at his own circumstances.

J_9 · Mar 18, 2010, 06:51 AM

Originally Posted by Ithappenstoall

it was to much to take, I am so mad right now

I'm sorry, but to be blunt, you need to take a chill pill. You need to put yourself in your father's shoes for once.

Your father was a CEO, probably making a good living, now he is jobless and probably making nothing compared to what he was making. He is stressed that he cannot provide for his family like he used to. He may be stressed (I don't know your family situation), that he may lose the family home, that he cannot put food on the table.

Most likely he was raised to be the provider of the family and now he's not "providing." This is depressing and many men feel that they are failures when this happens.

You need to give him a break. Chances are you don't know his financial portfolio, and he may be concerned about becoming homeless.

Times right now are tough for everyone. Look at it this way. He WAS a CEO, but it's cheaper for businesses to find someone who just graduated from school. He may be afraid that he will not be able to provide for you in the way that he has in the past. He may now be overqualified for many positions and be looked over when trying to find employment.

We take our frustrations out on those we love the most. It doesn't make it right, but it's the nature of the beast.

cdad · Mar 18, 2010, 07:00 AM

Right now you must try to understand that having been a CEO doesn't bode well because CEO's are under attatck everywhere. Also the company he was with may have had dealings that were less then favorable and so it makes his change in the marketplace even harder. Today's times are unique in what they bring and its been very difficult for everyone. So try to cut him some slack. And be prepared for the rebound.

Ithappenstoall · Mar 18, 2010, 11:15 AM

I complete understand and agree. And I tried being as supportive as I could. Its when he started to personally attack me that I began to be resentful. As if I had backstabbed him or something. The reason I had called him that day was just to cheer him because he was down and this is what happened. When he brought how things were with me I told him things are good but I don't want to go in more details and he snapped, I really did nothing wrong

JoeCanada76 · Mar 18, 2010, 03:00 PM

Honestly the problem is you, It is coming more clearly now.
He wants a listening ear. He wants you to sympathetic, but even if he is asking you how you are doing and your saying doing good. That is almost like rubbing all his sh-t in his face all over again. Your approach needs to change.

cdad · Mar 18, 2010, 03:48 PM

Originally Posted by Ithappenstoall

I complete understand and agree. And i tried being as supportive as I could. Its when he started to personally attack me that I began to be resentful. As if I had backstabbed him or something. The reason I had called him that day was just to cheer him because he was down and this is what happened. When he brought how things were with me I told him things are good but I dont want to go in more details and he snapped, I really did nothing wrong

Maybe what you might want to do is look up the grief process and maybe you will have a better understanding of how he might be feeling. Losing a job can be like losing a person. Especially if he didn't see it coming. The situation is different but the emotions are on the same scale.

Ref:

Stages of Grief

http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/...les.asp?id=962

JoeCanada76 · Mar 18, 2010, 05:05 PM

Some people that have job loss some might get so desperate and or depressed they feel like ending there life and some do. It is and can be an endemic. So your lucky that is all you got from your father, do not make it any harder on him then it already is. You have lived less then half the life he has and you need to walk in the mans shoes before getting angry with him.. You need to set aside your own selfish feelings at this time of his life and back off.