[qerp32]

So basically I've developed a really close friendship with a girl (I've been speaking to her for 6 weeks or so now). We have a ridiculous amount in common, to the point where it just started to get plain weird (we sometimes refer to each other as "soulmate" as a joke... ), and generally enjoy each other's company and get on really well. A few weeks ago we ended up having a talk about how we both thought that a relationship would come out of this. We've both just been playing it cool so far, getting to know each other.

Anyway, she's also been talking to another guy for roughly the same amount of time. He's apparently pretty crazy about her, smothers her with compliments all the time, gets annoyed/jealous when he finds out she's talking to me, pretty much always trying to talk to her (yes, she actually told me all this, this isn't my judgement). She says they argue quite a lot and don't have a lot in common, although they have vaguely similar personalities (again, this is what she said), but she likes talking to him. He's tried to "break contact" with her a couple of times (I honestly don't know why, probably him being a drama queen) but always returned the next day, and eventually confessed all his feeling to her (at which point she basically said "let's just be friends"). She always told me she was a little sad when he did the "breaking contact" thing. I am many things but jealous is not one of them - I've been cool with this the whole time. We've actually turned it into a bit of a running joke in our conversations (she always brings it up, going on about how "weird" he is and what he keeps doing). He just sounds like the classic needy/jealous type so I never thought much of it.

Another 2 weeks have passed since then and she has now told me that she is starting to develop some feelings for him too. I was pretty shocked to hear that after all the things she's told me about him, but I was cool with it and just went along with it. The next day she told me that he is actually moving to america for a year in August (and a long distance relationship would just be out of the question for them). At this point I was pretty much thinking "hold on, this is absolute madness, what the hell has happened to this girl?". We spent a long time talking, I basically explained how bad an idea it all is. She hasn't been in a proper relationship before, where as I have experience in both LDRs and breakups, and know how hard this stuff can be. She listened to me and knew that I was right, but doesn't want to stop talking to him. She was making excuses and trying to come up with solutions, but deep down she clearly knew that there were no solutions, other than to stop it going further.

I've spoken to her about it a few more times and she keeps changing what she says each time (she's been bringing it up, not me). At first she said that they have both realised it's not a good idea and that they're going to stop talking, so everything went back to normal for a day, but then he went dramaqueen mode again so that didn't last very long. She now says they're just going to try and remain friends and that her feelings for him aren't that strong (but his clearly are). I must admit that I've lost a little respect for her and that I find it a little awkward to talk to her now, and that's something she's noticed also. She seems kind of upset by my awkwardness/silence and keeps asking me about it.

I really have no clue what to do at this point. I kind of doubt that the two of them are going to simply "remain friends". Neither of them seem to have a clue what they're doing, it just changes every day. He has ulterior motives for sure, but I don't know about her. She says that she doesn't know why she likes him, she just likes it when she talks to him or something. Also, I really do like this girl, and I don't think remaining close friends with her is a good idea if she's going to end up in a relationship with somebody else, for my sake. It'd be a real shame to lose contact with her though.

What do you guys think? I need to get out of this situation somehow but I don't want to just disappear, it doesn't feel right. I feel as though I should just tell her my exact feelings and explain everything, but I really don't know if that's a good idea.

Also, am I right in advising her against potentially getting with somebody who is moving away for a year? And yes, I am telling her for for her own happiness, not mine :P

Thanks for reading that huge wall of text!

[emopunk7]

This is nonsense for just 6 weeks. Why would she talk to you about another guy CONSTANTLY? Stop trying to force something you know isn't there. You may be lonely but you know she is not the one for you so hang in there and be patient. Sorry you have to deal with this situation. You deserve better my friend. A lot better. Find a girl that when you look into her eyes, it says "Baby, with me, you will never need to go back to AMHD!". That's what I'm looking for!

[qerp32]

This is nonsense for just 6 weeks. Why would she talk to you about another guy CONSTANTLY? Stop trying to force something you know isn't there. You may be lonely but you know she is not the one for you so hang in there and be patient. Sorry you have to deal with this situation. You deserve better my friend. A lot better. Find a girl that when you look into her eyes, it says "Baby, with me, you will never need to go back to AMHD!". That's what I'm looking for!

I think you misunderstood, perhaps I didn't put it very well. I'm well aware of this - I'm asking what I should do to get out of it all. I just feel wrong saying "sorry, I don't want to talk to you anymore bye". :p

Edited the main post slightly for clarification.

[talaniman]

You don't have to disappear, or stop being a friend, just don't be so available because, you have a balanced life with other friends, and obligations, and your own thing to do.

You have only known each other for 6 weeks, so no need to disappear, just fade into the background naturally.

Don't you have other female friends to date? Ever ask her advice on getting one? HMMM, I appreciate your predicament though, but never let a female do ALL the talking, especially about herself.

You will go crazy (ducks at the barrage coming from the females).

[qerp32]

You don't have to disappear, or stop being a friend, just don't be so available because, you have a balanced life with other friends, and obligations, and your own thing to do.

You have only known each other for 6 weeks, so no need to disappear, just fade into the background naturally.

Don't you have other female friends to date? Ever ask her advice on getting one?? HMMM, I appreciate your predicament though, but never let a female do ALL the talking, especially about herself.

You will go crazy (ducks at the barrage coming from the females).

Hahaha, thanks for this! That's pretty much what I've been doing so far, so it's nice to hear some reassurance. She really isn't bad with the talking about herself, it's just the subject about the other guy that keeps being brought up. She desperately wants me to be "okay with it", wants to hear some support and the usual "it'll be ok! it'll work!", and seems to think that talking to me about it and asking me about it more is going to make that happen :p

I am really not too fussed about looking for somebody specifically at the moment though, since I'm still working on myself. This one was a bit of a special case - I met her and we just seemed to get on well and I liked her a lot. Not to mention the crazy similarities!

[talaniman]

Female friends are okay, until you become like a girlfriend to them. That sucks.