[Klaipeda]

Hi I just was wandering is it weard not to want to go to my moms funeral? I was born unfotunately in the family where my father died when I was 4 y.o. When my father died, everything changed suddenly- my mom started to reject me she gave me away to the kindergarten where I styed for a week only coming back for Saturday and Sunday. My sisters picked me up late from there and I had no joy stying at home over the weekend. Sisters were strickt, abusive emotionally and psychologically, my mother did not want to protect me from them but even encouraged them...
All my life I suffered only abuses-phisical,- I was beaten up so badly my legs were all in bruises, I was emotionaly, psychologicaly abused ,name calling, lies, blames,breach of privacy from my mother and sisters. No appreciation nothing for everything I was asked to to do and for everything I did myself because I wanted to do. The are shoutings and It is still continues, though I am nearly 38 now.Other people seemed to never notticed what was going on in my family evenb though the shoutings there were always heard in the corridor of our flat.
My mother was a monster- she tried to turn my daughter against me telling her all bad stuff about me my child was confused who is right and who is wrong.She tried all her best to make my daughter to understand that her mother ( me ) is a psycho. When my daughter asked her to stop talking about me like that, my mom faked heart attack, my sisters started to warn her to beat her up and all that stuff- the same all over what was happening to me. ( My daughter left grandmothers home with the tears in her eyes and left her a short note to my mom- that she will nevere ever return to see grandmother again)My mom never helped me when I was in need but married the second time had wery good living and I was half starving after losing the job. All her help to me at that difficult for me time was to call my landlady ( she did not accept me to live with her even though the flat belonged to my father) and tell her that how could she keep in the flat such and idiot as me... The landlady was greatly surprised by my mothers comments..
I suffered a lot! Had lots, many years of counseling,( did counselling studies, psychology studies myself, I have good degree in psychology) to understand what brings people to have such hatred to others. All I knew that when my father bought the flat he brough my pregnant mom and her daughters ( they are not my fathers children). After my father died they were free to do with me what they wanted. I only did not suffered sexual abuse there.
Now my mom is very ill, she is in coma after suffering several strokes. Before the last stroke she was abel to speak and she was crying a lot looking at me. I could see from her face that she feels sorry for something. She became nice, kind and really lovely. When I came to visit her she was hugging me and kissing.I was looking after her as she was required full support that disabled person needs.But there still were couple of accusations from her, anger tempers towards me -that I wasn't good enough child for her My stpephater passed away and she had 4 stroke and she is in coma now. My sisters though continue shouting at me even beside her bedside in the hospital, calling me names , etc.
I just started feeling that if I won't go to her funeral after she passes away I would feel so much relieved and if I go I will be nervous wreck.
How shall I behave? Please

[excon]

Hi I just was wandering is it weard not to want to go to my moms funeral?

Hello K:

Not at all.

excon

[Fr_Chuck]

No, one of my sons did not go to his mothers funeral, they had not been close.

Just because she gave you birth does not mean you have to love her, have to respect her or even care what happens to her.

It may give you some closure to go, to know that she will no longer bring you any pain, but it can also be a time of hurt, since you also know that there is never another chance to end the fighting and make up.

Myself I would go, not always for myself, but for "culture" for people who may not know the situation fully and you do it, since it is the thing people expect of you.

[0rphan]

Hi Klaipeda,

I am so sorry for what you have had to go through,this situation has to stop,even if you have to file a formal complaint to the authorities, do not put up with it.

The funeral is another matter,whilst you would be expected to go, the decision is yours,lots of people don't.

There seems to be no way of sorting things out for both of you before your Mum passes because of the coma,therefore why don't you go to her final resting place when the service is finished and everyone is gone.
You can pay your respects and off load anything that you would want to say, this will bring a close to the whole situation for you.

If you go to the funeral all manner of abuse could rear it's ugly head as a way of people venting their emotions.

[jmjoseph]

I think that you should do whatever you can live with. I mean, don't make a decision based on what others ask of you.

Do what your conscience will let you do.

[hheath541]

If you don't think you'll regret skipping the funeral, then don't go. If you think you'll back on the day and regret going, then go.

You, obviously, aren't close to your family. Even if you do decide to go to the funeral, I would suggest cutting off all contact with your sisters after this.

The only thing you need to figure out is, do you think you'll regret not going to her funeral? If so, then you should go. If not, then there's really no point in going.

[Klaipeda]

Hi Klaipeda,

I am so sorry for what you have had to go through,this situation has to stop,even if you have to file a formal complaint to the authorities, do not put up with it.

The funeral is another matter,whilst you would be expected to go, the decision is yours,lots of people don't.

There seems to be no way of sorting things out for both of you before your Mum passes because of the coma,therefore why don't you go to her final resting place when the service is finished and everyone is gone.
You can pay your respects and off load anything that you would want to say, this will bring a close to the whole situation for you.

If you go to the funeral all manner of abuse could rear it's ugly head as a way of people venting their emotions.

I was thinking to do the exactly the same... Thank you!

[Klaipeda]

Thank you for your support and answers , I appreciate!

[dontknownuthin]

I think you need distance from your family. Don't go, and get help with what you've been through and are still going through from a childhood of abuse.