[mdhurt2]

Me and my boyfriend, both in our early 20's, both living at home with our parents, have been dating for 6 months. In the relationship, he's paid for stuff I would say around 85% of the time. This is mostly because I recently graduated from college and found myself with large student loans, large credit card debt, and no steady income because of the economy. I'm basically FLAT BROKE. His income is slightly more than mine. He's by no means living comfortable, but he brings in more money than I do and after bills has more left.
Most of the time, about 90%, he would pick the thing we would do because he was paying, like which movie we saw. Once recently I said I didn't want to see a movie he wanted to see but asked if we could either see the movie I wanted to see (which he didn't want to see) or a movie we both agreed on. He said, "No" because he was paying and wanted to see that specific movie. I tried to convince him to see a movie we both wanted to see, just not as bad as our first choice, but he wouldn't budge. I opted not to see it, so he went to the movie by himself.
After that, he said I seemed ungrateful for the things he pays for (Because I was upset he wouldn't compromise on a movie that he was paying for) so from now on he wasn't paying for stuff when we go out on dates, but we would go dutch.
This leaves me in a tight predicament, because now that I'm moving on my own next month, I am SO broke I have resorted recently to borrowing a large sum of money from my mom to pay the deposit and first month's rent on the place I plan to rent. Spending for me is confined to gas, bills and necessities for the next several months until I can pay her back. At this point any more I spend will result in more I have to borrow from my mom at the end of the month so I can move.
But now it has come to the point where he says he's going to see such and such movie, I can come along if I can pay, if I don't want to pay for myself, then he's going to go by himself. That's what he did last night.
But I CAN'T pay. Paying for myself would be irresponsible when I'm trying to move and pay off these large loans. So I'm staying home while he goes out on "dates" by himself on Fridays.
Since he's not paying for me, I can't pay for myself and we both currently live at home, our only time together is confined to hanging out at our parent's house together with no privacy or even an illusion of intimacy.
I understand this idea of splitting the bill because it's not 1950, and I see his view that I came off ungrateful, but I tried to explain to him that the argument about which movie to see was not about who's paying but about making compromises so both are satisfied on the date. He still sees that view as ungrateful. So, now I'm in the situation where I can't pay, and he refuses to pay.
So should he pay or not?

[talaniman]

Do what you have to for yourself, as frankly if you can't agree on a movie, what's the point with being intimate. I mean a date is for fun, at least that's what I thought, but if he thinks by paying he has control, then he is pleasing himself, and not trying to make sure you both enjoy the time together.

You can find some one better than this to date, I'm sure. Maybe him going alone is a grand idea.

[Gemini54]

Look, I reckon he's sick of always picking up the bill.

Perhaps you have been ungrateful, or at worse have taken for granted the fact that he will always pay. Your mistake, I would suggest and a hard lesson to learn.

Seems to me that you're thinking only about yourself and not him - he's (by your accounts) not exactly flush either, but you've managed to borrow money and are paying it back.

Your actions have indicated what your priorities are, and clearly they are not going out with him. Paying for yourself is 'irresponsible'? No wonder he's annoyed with you!

Movies aren't that expensive. If you want to retain this relationship I suggest you start find the few dollars involved in paying your own way.

It isn't all about you you know - relationships are also about sharing and compromise.

[Jake2008]

Going Dutch simply means that with both parties paying their way, each can afford to see a movie, or go out for dinner etc. where otherwise they would not have had enough money to pay for two.

I think you have come to expect him to pay, and you enjoy his company, but complain at the same time that he's not allowing you a choice.

Why not do something you can afford. Stay home, rent a move, go skating, long walks followed by coffee, use your imagination, there are a million billion things to do that don't require money.

When the time comes that you do have more disposable income, do go Dutch. It will make you feel better, and he'll have more money in his pocket.