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88sunflower · Mar 13, 2010, 07:57 AM

OK I am not sure if I am looking for some legal advice or just advice on how to handle the situation. But here it goes. I will try and keep this short but to the point and we can go from there.

My dad meets his girlfriend in 1992. She is I believe 16-18 years younger then he is. At that time no issue. I saw her as a gold digger but he was in love and happy again. Of course I always wondered what her plans were down the road and if she thought of the age gap.

My dad takes care of her all these years. He buys a house for them and supports them as a couple. Now he is getting older he retired. Still fine he is making great in social security.

Now fast forward he has terrible Parkinson's and Alzheimer's. A year ago in December he goes outside to shovel, has no strength and falls in the snowbank. He was there 45 minutes before a plow went by and found him. He was rushed to the ER. Well exactly a week later his girlfriend suddenly draws up a will. Leaving her everything. Yes he signed it. But was he in his right mind? We don't know.

This past year his health has gotten worse he needs more help. She took away the phone from his bedroom. She disconnected his lifeline. Why?

The past couple months she is pushing to convince him to sell "his" house. She bought them a trailer and is moving them out of town. But she isn't activating his lifeline again and isn't going to continue his Alzheimer's group for him that actually helped him. The bus came and picked him up four times a week and brought him home. He showed amazing progress getting this attention and activity.

Well now my brother starts to question her on the papers and how us siblings really need to know where all the legal papers are in case something happens to her. He is noticing skimming through them she is pushing to get things done only in her best interest the worse my dads health gets. She had my father make her power of attorney, when in reality he had already had all of that taken care of and my brother was left in charge. Was he in his right mind when she made these changes? Did she coerce him into it? We don't know. The changes were made right after his health turned for the worse.

Now she is saying she is having our dad sign a DNR simple as that. Shouldn't this be a discussion we have as a family? Not as her killing him off? She refuses to put him with a health care worker or a nursing home because that will take all his money. But yet she refuses to have his lifeline active and he is left alone hours at a time. Its scary to us being his children. To the point if he passes we are going to have a toxicolgy test done.

My brother went to a lawyer since its out of our hands with her being his power of attorney. His lawyer stated one way to handle this is he can write up a letter basically saying us his children are more or less watching her and watch her step with our fathers well being. We don't want his money we don't care about any assets. We prefer he get 24 hour care but she won't do it. She wants his money.

What can we do? What's the best legal way to handle this? We don't want to go to our father because we don't want to put the strain on his health with our concerns. But yet each time my brother mentions certain things to her she makes more changes. Is there a legal way as his children we can handle this? We feel tied with her being his power of attorney.

ScottGem · Mar 13, 2010, 08:05 AM

I assume he never legally married her.

You left out a very important piece of information here and that's where they reside. Laws vary from place to place so its impossible to give you any specific help without knowing what laws apply. But many places have passed elder care statutes. You need an attorney that is versed in elder care. Some area allow for the appointment of a Guardian Ad Liteum like is done in child care cases. The GAL can evaluate your father's condition and determine his mental capacity for taking care of his affairs etc. If this is possible in your area, then I would immediately petition the courts to have one appointed.

88sunflower · Mar 13, 2010, 08:12 AM

We live in NY. He never legally married her. In fact he is only legally separated from my mother. Being in NY what do you think?

ScottGem · Mar 13, 2010, 08:22 AM

Sorry, didn't see the location in your profile. I couldn't find any specific references to Elder Care statutes but googlng NY Elder Care Laws got lots of references you can research. But I would consult an elder care law specialist for specifics of what you can do.

88sunflower · Mar 13, 2010, 08:24 AM

Thank you for that. I never thought of that really. We are just so stressed with it all because now that its not fun for her any more taking care of him she is basically killing him off. Yes, that's the way it is. She is cutting off all his outside care and help. Refuses anything good for him.

I will Google that and see what I can find.

ScottGem · Mar 13, 2010, 08:49 AM

Yes, you need to find an attorney who will first the courts to appoint a third party to monitor the situation. Just the fact that she is trying to cut off your father from the rest of your family should be enough to allow the courts to order this. Its possible, the third part may come back and find that your father is competent and agreeable to what she has done. So you need to prepare for that. But it sounds more like the opposite will happen.

88sunflower · Mar 13, 2010, 09:22 AM

She isn't so much cutting us off from him. But she is slowly getting him to sign all these things that were actually already taken care of the way he had wanted. But as he is signing them it's a change that benefits her. So frustrating for us to sit back with our hands tied it feels.

We did consider having social services go in and monitor the situation. But we have left that up in the air. We don't want to rock the boat with our dad and hard feelings. If he knew we did that he is the type that would be done with us. We only have a short time left with him so we don't want to sour the time we have.

I am assuming this back up plan is what you mean by a third party.

88sunflower · Mar 13, 2010, 10:56 AM

Another kick in the butt for us is when my brother was speaking with my dad about some things. He told my brother his funeral was all set up and paid for already. Which we knew. He took care of that a long time ago. Everything is picked out and paid for. Well when he said that SHE commented no it wasn't he still owed $4000. Hmm.. funny that's an aweful lot of money to still owe when you think something is paid off. I am sure she is taking the money and she is the reason its not paid.

cdad · Mar 13, 2010, 11:06 AM

What exactly was in place before all this started happening? The reason for asking is because nothing new can superceed the old until the old is canceled. That is a change recognized by the courts. So if your brother already had a medical POA. Then she ( girlfriend) didn't recognize it and just started a new order it leaves it open to be contested. The first order represents a precedent. You really need to get the paperwork straightened out first. Also be sure to document everything. As it sounds like the girlfriend is making a selfish grab for everything she can because they are not married. Also since he is legaly separated and should pass before it is final everything may go to your mother because in effect the suit against him is dropped ( i.e. the divorce). This happened to someone near me recently and since the papers weren't final but all of the bartering was the almost ex wife got everything instead of just what the courts had settled on.

88sunflower · Mar 13, 2010, 11:42 AM

Well he actually did have a will with my older brother as POA. Things happened and some time ago my dad changed it to my other brother. Which is strange to us now all of a sudden with him getting worse she has it changed and he signed it? Hmm... everything he owns is left to her all of a sudden. Funny. Back then my dad had everything going to the grandchildren. This is why its nagging at us. Now she only cares for her best interest and not his. His well being is at stake here and she doenst even care. What he needs to live and survive when she leaves him alone she has taken away for starters. Why would you cut off an elderly persons lifeline? Grr.. makes me so mad.

He is legally separated from my mom. Arguing is done. I would love it if that were the case and my mom got whatever he had. He honestly has nothing. That's not our concern. Our concern is she is pushing him to the grave.

88sunflower · May 9, 2010, 05:52 PM

OK I need to update this a bit because things have turned so dirty. Advice would be great.

Forgive me if this is long I will try to hit the main points for now. As I had mentioned my dads girlfriend had his POA and will changed to her. She is in charge of everything and gets everything. Like I think I mentioned my brother noticed some things and basically she has raped him of every cent. Her intentions all this time was to use his money to get herself a new place, which she did. After she was settled in she straight out told my brother she was unloading our dad to a nursing home. He is not ready for a nursing home by any means.

OK jumping ahead a bit my brother stepped in and we have officially set my dad up in an assisted living for elderly. It was so hard for us. I never cried so hard when I had to be strong in my life. But the place is beautiful. I am so happy he is there. Its better then a 5 star hotel and I am not kidding. The staff said it takes a couple weeks but he will settle and be happy. He was settled in a couple days and talking so highly about the place. He is so darn happy.

So now that he is settled and safe from her because she did neglect and abuse him, we are working on the legal parts. We talked with our dad and he changed POA to my brother. My two brothers and I went to see her, mind you she is still living in our fathers house. Her name is not on the deed. She let us in and gave us some information we needed, not everything but it was a start. There also is a lot of things left there of his we need to get. One thing being an electric scooter he once needed. Well it was less then a day we had went there she had do not trespass signs all over the house. First question is, is this legal? Its not her house. The house is legally our fathers. She is only still there because her new place isn't ready yet.

Next my brother calmly tried to call her just tonight. It should be understandable to anyone she has information we need of his and things he needs still. Why wouldn't we call her. Well she answered and when he said hello she hung up on him. So my brother is on the phone as I type this to the police because we don't know what steps to take. How can we get an eviction notice and how quick can it be effective?

Your maybe thinking just have my dad go there but he does have alzhiemers and other issues. We just don't want to put him through that. Just this afternoon when talking with him he stated how happy he was to be away from her and how mean she was. He even told me he was going to tell the staff to not allow her in to see him.

What steps can we take to get her out of that house? We are in NY. My brother being POA, does that give him legal right to be on the property. At this point I am going to go there. Frankly I couldn't care less if she has me arrested. She is in my fathers house and she needs to get out.

Like I said I shortened it. There are issues with her paying her personal bills out of his accounts. Issues with us noticing she used his name and changed it for what purposes I am not sure but its on his credit report.

ScottGem · May 9, 2010, 06:10 PM

The No Trespass signs are ineffectual, if not legal. Since your brother has POA, he is legally responsible for the property and cannot be trespassing. He should carry the POA whenever he goes to the property. If she calls the police and accuses him of trespassing he just shows the POA and threatens to sue her for false arrest.

She is legally a resident and needs to be evicted legally. Serve her with a written notice to vacate in 30 days. If she has not left, then file for an eviction order.

If she has misappropriated funds while she had the POA, then you can swear out a warrant for theft. At the least you can sue her for malfeasance.

88sunflower · May 9, 2010, 06:28 PM

Well the police did tell him that he can possibly get a 3 day eviction notice. We will find out tomorrow.

What exactly does malfeasance mean? Never really heard the word.

I thought he had legal rights to be there but he wasn't sure.

88sunflower · May 9, 2010, 06:39 PM

Its so sickening the things she has done to him. You know what he has? Nothing. We moved him out and he only had five boxes of things. FIVE! His entire life is in five boxes. A career in the Navy, a career for Reynolds Metals and this is it. This is what he has.

We did run a credit report, I may have said that already. She is holding out on some credit cards with his name on them.

ScottGem · May 9, 2010, 06:59 PM

I'm not sure of a 3 day notice will fly. Generally that's used for when a tenant is behind in the rent. If there is no rental agreement she can't be behind.

Malfeasance means not performing their legal responsibility,

88sunflower · May 9, 2010, 07:04 PM

Well along the way she started to write checks to my father and having him sign them. We couldn't understand since she was POA why didn't she just sign them. Well she again told my brother she was writing this check for an amount and calling it a lease payment. She thought this way if medicaid came in for some reason they couldn't kick her out. Medicaid won't be stepping in but she was really covering her butt. I want to see a lease agreement. We don't think there is one. Even if there is she could write one up and sign it since she had the power to back then. But again, this would have to be notarized or something right to be legal?

ScottGem · May 10, 2010, 03:53 AM

If you have copies of canceled checks that appear to be rental payments, then you can use a 3-day pay or quit. However, all she has to do is pay what's owed and you are back at square one.

88sunflower · May 10, 2010, 08:15 AM

That's where she has her butt covered. Only do we need to see a lease agreement by chance? She new to write these checks to protect herself. She is a smart one.

I passed along the bits of info you gave me and we will see how today goes.

ScottGem · May 10, 2010, 09:18 AM

Writing those checks was not necessarily the best move. It established herself as a tenant, not just a resident. You do not need a lease as long as you can prove she was paying rent.

88sunflower · May 11, 2010, 10:33 AM

Well another issue has come up. She is always one step ahead. We go to the sheriffs to get an eviction. Only to find out we are notified she has life lease on the house. Can my brother being POA have any say in this?

I have to say your answers usually come before we make our moves so sometimes it been so helpful.