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crystalmd82 · Mar 9, 2010, 10:43 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 yrs but he just found his 16yr old son we went from no kids to him having a baby mother and a kid I always knew he had a kid but now this is surreal I hate it call me selfish but I haven't shared for 10yrs and now this kid is going to make me lose EVERYTHING...

Kitkat22 · Mar 9, 2010, 10:52 PM

Maybe not! You might find you like having him around. Treat him as you would treat your own child..

If you don't ,you may end up losing your boyfriend. Give it a chance.. Blessings

crystalmd82 · Mar 9, 2010, 11:56 PM

He's not mine, so I can't fake it . I feel sorry for my boyfriend cause we have been thur a lot, overcome most together but this isn't going to be the same. I can feel it

pooja s27 · Mar 10, 2010, 01:12 AM

Initially it may be tough where you feel that love for you is being shared with someone else too, but as you go on it may never be the same, there is nothing could as yours until you accept them, even your boy friend was not yours till you loved him and that took 10 years to be told as mine, so even for your boy friend's son accept him as a person in your life and as time passes you will get along with him too, love can never be limited, it grows when you share it

kp2171 · Mar 10, 2010, 01:43 AM

Originally Posted by crystalmd82

this kid is going to make me lose EVERYTHING.....

"this kid" did nothing to you.

I get that this is a tough situation. I get it changes your world.

This kid should not be punished for being alive. The father has obligations.

I feel strongly about this from a different perspective. I found out, after being a father to a charming, great boy for six years, that he was not my son by dna.

Rocked my life... but my son had NOTHING to do with this event. He deserves my love and my care. Period.

Your guy is the father of a child. The kid did nothing wrong by being alive.

Kitkat22 · Mar 10, 2010, 04:33 AM

I think you've already set your mind on hating this child and that is so sad. You are forty years old and your acting like a child. I'm glad your boyfriend has stepped up to the plate and taken his place in his sons life.

You're just going to have to get used to the fact there's another person in his life and if you can't accept him I would start packing my bags. You really need to get your priorities straight and figure out the world doesn't revolve around you.:confused:

amicon · Mar 10, 2010, 04:51 AM

His son needs his dad and if you can't accept that he will be part of his fathers life,your relationship will suffer.

You do come across as a petulant child who wants all the attention .

Try getting to know the boy,
You might find that you like him.

Larken85 · Mar 10, 2010, 06:01 AM

Calm down. OK so he has a son all of a sudden. But guess what, so do you now. The kid is 16 so you luckly missed all the years where you would have to share. 16 yr olds pretty much want to take care of things themselves and you will find that you will still get just as much time with your hubby as before. (sex life won't change much, you can still go out, and all that) honestly what will change? You'll have another mouth to feed yes, and maybe it'll make things a little more complicated but your time with your hubby is still going to be there. You still love each other and you really need to be there for your hubby because I'm sure he is concerned about how this is making you feel and he is worried about it causing problems. You have been with this man for 10 years and I am sorry but if by now this relationship isn't strong enough to survive this then you've not been doing something right.
Besides like the other posters said, you may end up loving his son as your own. Remember you have just been put into the position of a step-mom so don't set a bad example and just be loving OK?
Hope things go well for you.

talaniman · Mar 10, 2010, 06:12 AM

Don't life just suck sometimes? Every time you get into a groove, something comes along, and screws everything up! What a bummer.

This doesn't have to be the end at all, but the beginning of a new adventure.

Kitkat22 · Mar 10, 2010, 11:51 AM

Could the underlying worry be the boys' Mother? Perhaps you

Think there is still a spark of something there? I will say there

Is and will always be a tie between your boyfriend and this girl.

The child did not ask to brought into this world, but nevertheless

He was. Treat him well and be kind. You say you have never had

Children, so you have never known the strong, unconditional love a

Mother has for her child! It is beyond any kind of feeling you will

Ever know. A child is a gift not a burden! You need to put all the

Selfish feelings you have about this child aside. Think about it.

chickie543 · Mar 10, 2010, 02:10 PM

The kid is 16 already, he probably won't even be that involved. You seem jealous of this kid? He's still a human being. Get to know him, I bet he's a cool guy. Go out with him and your boyfriend, you guys could have some fun. :)

Lucky098 · Mar 10, 2010, 02:50 PM

The kid is 16 years old who either did or didn't grow up with a father figure in his life.

This relationship will end if you keep acting the way you do. I could understand if it was a new born baby that all of a sudden showed up along with the baby's mama... but the boy is 16. More than likey (which is sad) he has no connection whatsoever to his father and will therefore, not interrupt the wonderful relationship you and your boyfriend/husband have together.

It is a huge change.. Either adapt.. or leave. I'm sure your boyfriend/husband of 10 years isn't going to let this effect his relationship with you. Talk to him.. Tell him how you feel... I'm sure he'll try his hardest to HELP YOU feel more comfortable with another woman's child hanging around.