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cunfuzed · Mar 7, 2010, 05:25 PM

My kids father is now in the reserves. I want to know if I should be going back to court to ask about a change in schedule. I know reservists do at least 1 weekend a month and I think he is shuffling my son off to a sitter or a girlfriend and I prefer to keep him if he is doing that. Would it be worth it to go back to court to ask for a change in the schedule if he is not willing to work withme on this. Also. Don't reservists get paid? If so how much?

Fr_Chuck · Mar 7, 2010, 05:27 PM

They get paid only when they are training or called to duty.

What is the current schedule, every other week, or 1st and 3rd weekend for visit.

Will you be willing to merely trade weekends. If he has reserves this weekend, you let him have the next in exchange ? But not effecting the next visit ?

cunfuzed · Mar 7, 2010, 06:29 PM

I thought about that my my weekends are always planned ahead and right now its planned up until he goes away for summer break. I believe he is doing one weekend per month but he emailed me a few weeks ago saying he had to go to germany for two weeks then it was cancelled.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 7, 2010, 07:00 PM

Yes, remember he can cancell his visit days and there is little you can do about it,
( court will normally not do anything esp if this is for reserve)

In fact the court would hope you can work around it, by trading weekends to fit around his duty time.

He will always of course get written orders for the time he is going away ( like to Germany) and it would not be out of line to ask to see a copy of the orders if you are changing weekends

My ex and I would often sit down and plan out a month at a time, which weekends things were better for each of us, things we would like to take the child to and even things we would both be at for the child.

cunfuzed · Mar 8, 2010, 07:12 AM

Problem is we haven't had two words since this court thing started. He has moved 3 times since our court order and he never informed me or the court or child support. The only way I found out was when child support was charging him with contempt. I like the schedule the way it is. My every other weekends are planned far in advanced to coordinate with activities and events with my family and in the area. I really don't want to shuffle cause I'm used to it.

J_9 · Mar 8, 2010, 07:23 AM

Many reservists go to the armory during the day and are home at night. Is this the case with your ex? My son, for example before deploying to Iraq, spent his weekend from 9-5 at the armory on Saturday and Sunday, he was home for dinner both days.

How old is your son? Is it possible you ask who is watching him when his father is doing his weekend?

cunfuzed · Mar 8, 2010, 07:50 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

Many reservists go to the armory during the day and are home at night. Is this the case with your ex? My son, for example before deploying to Iraq, spent his weekend from 9-5 at the armory on Saturday and Sunday, he was home for dinner both days.

How old is your son? Is it possible you ask who is watching him when his father is doing his weekend?

He is not giving me any information. Apparently wherever he goes is about 2 hours away. He told me he is provided with free daycare. I asked for the name and address of the daycare and still no answer. Apparently yesterday he spent no time with him cause he brought him back right after drill. I wouldrather he drop him off before he goes to drill on Sunday.

cunfuzed · Mar 8, 2010, 07:51 AM

My son is 3 years old now.

cdad · Mar 8, 2010, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by cunfuzed

i thought about that my my weekends are always planned ahead and right now its planned up until he goes away for summer break. I believe he is doing one weekend per month but he emailed me a few weeks ago saying he had to go to germany for two weeks then it was cancelled.

Maybe you need to learn to be much more flexible because this is not about you it is about the child. Im sure the child doesn't have all this stuff booked. So maybe you need to learn to compromise with this situation before you get in front of a judge and get accused of parental alienation. That's where your heading.

cunfuzed · Mar 9, 2010, 08:10 AM

I have been constantly requesting his schedule and the daycare information he says he is using with no answer in order to see if we can flex the schedule if its possible. He is not even responding to my emails. I would prefer to try to avoid court

stinawords · Mar 9, 2010, 10:44 AM

I would want to avoid court too if I were you. You won't look good in front of a judge. You really need to be more flexable with your scheduling it isn't just your child and the judge knows that and the father knows that. He only has to do one weekend a month so find out when that is and trade weekends if you have to. If you go to court that is most likely what will happen anyway because he will bring in his orders and the judge will work around it because one, it is best for the child, and two he is still wanting to be part of the child's life (which yes it is a big deal), and three he is helping out the country (again a big deal).

cunfuzed · Mar 13, 2010, 07:09 AM

Originally Posted by stinawords

I would want to avoid court too if I were you. You won't look good infront of a judge. You really need to be more flexable with your scheduling it isn't just your child and the judge knows that and the father knows that. He only has to do one weekend a month so find out when that is and trade weekends if you have to. If you go to court that is most likely what will happen anyway because he will bring in his orders and the judge will work around it because one, it is best for the child, and two he is still wanting to be part of the childs life (which yes it is a big deal), and three he is helping out the country (again a big deal).

And again, I said I asked him about the scheduling and he is still not responding. I prefer the every other weekend schedule because I don't want to go two weekends in a row without seeing my child. I already am court ordered to do this in the summer. It would not be fair to me. My week with my son isn't quality time. I'm home late and it busy getting him fed and read for bed so the weekend is my time with him. Being the custodial parent shouldn't mean giving up everything, especially when the non-custodial parent chose not to have shared custody.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 13, 2010, 07:22 AM

But you do see the child evey night, you are there to tuck them in bed, ( he is not) so you have no problem him going two or three weekends without, if he can not do every other.

That sort of attitude will kill you in front of a judge.

Besides every other weekend, ho many holidays is he getting the child, are there times in the year he gests the child for a week at a time ( he can easily get that in court if he asks)

Esp with him in th4 reserve, ( that is well supported in court. If you dontt try and work harder, you will most likely lose a lot more time if he really fights for it.

cunfuzed · Mar 13, 2010, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

But you do see the child evey night, you are there to tuck them in bed, ( he is not) so you have no problem him going two or three weekends without, if he can not do every other.

That sort of attitude will kill you in front of a judge.

Besides every other weekend, ho many holidays is he getting the child, are there times in the year he gests the child for a week at a time ( he can easily get that in court if he asks)

Esp with him in th4 reserve, ( that is well supported in court. If you dontt try and work harder, you will most likely lose alot more time if he really fights for it.

Chuck, I don't want to seem unreasonable, but the truth is he voluntarily joined, no one forced him. By doing that he knew how it would affect HIS visitation. Ive never had an attitude. The judge has always scolded him for his actions. Since first filing for custody, Ive never filed anything else other than recosideration because the judge admitted he forgot to add something to the court order. He has filed 3 or 4 requests for child support modification, 3 contempt filings, has moved 4 times, changed his number 5 times. Ive moved once and that's when I bought a house. Its only been 3 years since I filed and 2 years since we had a final court order.

Yes he gets 4 weeks in the summer, separated int two week periods. He also gets spring break, but he said he didn't want that. He would just pick him up on the weeken. We split holidays but he has never picked him up on the holidays. I even show up at the exchange site and just wait so he won't try to say Ive refused visitation. He has done that in the past and charged me with contempt. When we got to court, he admitted he told me he wasn't going to show up, and when I took his word for it, he showed up and called police.

I have worked with him, and all he has done is proven he can't be trusted. When asked why he didn't tell me he joined the reserves (which he should have) he started calling me unfit, child abuser, and making empty threats.

When he last took me to court, he wanted reduced child support and more time. The court denied it. The court said they were not changing anythng in the order and that we should try to work it out ourselves. My lawyer and I went straight over to his lawyer to work out a btter schedule and he simply said no and walked away.

Please to make me out to be the bad guy here. It has been a rollercoaster dealing with him but I do it. I stopped asking for favors that he always say no to. I stopped trying to offer better ideas. I have tried and I will continue, but I'm not going to be the one who has to bend every time he feels he wants something different when he cannot do the same.

stinawords · Mar 14, 2010, 06:12 PM

If you can prove all of the missed visitation and prove that it is not in the child's best interest then sure the judge may leave it alone. And yes joining the reserves was his chioce and a great one you can't hold that against him. There are a lot of other choices he could have made that would have been much worse. So gather all of your proof up and let him take you to court. But just remember what we have all said about the attitude in front of the judge.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 14, 2010, 06:19 PM

Yes, please the idea about the "guard" any negative talk about it to the judge is more than likely to go against you, Most courts are faily pro military, and often see that military members are well protected for their visits.

So you may want to look at the other issues for your requests.