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pilarchl · Nov 27, 2006, 11:36 PM

Hi I am Pilar , I am a mom, and I am tired and very sad, I have two small babies 10 months apart and I feel I do everything wrong , they cry a lot, and I have no one to help me, my husband was deployed and we are new to the place where we live. HELP!!

kp2171 · Nov 27, 2006, 11:41 PM

I'm a dad, not a mother.

Quit my job to stay with son after several circumstances fell in place that made it make sense.

All I can tell you is the first 6 months of being at home (he was 6 mo - 12 mo at that time) were maddening for me. The good news is the older he got, the better and easier it was.

A good babysitter is worth gold. Sometimes even if its just to get away for a few hours.

What going on? Just flat out exhausted?

pilarchl · Nov 27, 2006, 11:46 PM

Originally Posted by kp2171

im a dad, not a mother.

quit my job to stay with son after several circumstances fell in place that made it make sense.

all i can tell you is the first 6 months of being at home (he was 6 mo - 12 mo at that time) were maddening for me. the good news is the older he got, the better and easier it was.

a good babysitter is worth gold. sometimes even if its just to get away for a few hours.

what going on? just flat out exhausted?

Thanks

pilarchl · Nov 27, 2006, 11:47 PM

Originally Posted by pilarchl

Hi I am Pilar , I am a mom, and I am tired and very sad, I have two small babies 10 months apart and I feel I do everything wrong , they cry a lot, and I have no one to help me, my husband was deployed and we are new to the place where we live. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks at least there is hope

kp2171 · Nov 28, 2006, 12:00 AM

One, realize they are not little adults. They don't cry to spite you or frustrate you... save that for the teen years... they are just little. As they get more control over themselves, they will not cry as much. Often crying is simply the frustration of not being able to tell you what they want.

Second, find a way to get a break. You said you are new to the area... might take some work. Look in your area for women's clinics or midwife clinics and tell them you are looking for resources for new parents who are struggling. Maybe then can hook you up with some help. When ours got a little older id sometimes get a breath by taking him to the daycare at church during service or at the gym while I worked out. Not the same as an hour by yourself, sitting alone, but you take what you can get. Sometimes its one day at a time, one hour at a time. It DOES get better.

While my wild, energetic three-year-old can still drain me from time to time... I promise you its easier now than it was year ago or two years ago. The ability to speak and to control ones body and to keep ones self entertained helps.

With the older one, you might try some routine. Sometimes mine would go nuts if I tried to work around him... but play for a few minutes and itd get him interested in something for a time. Even today, I know if I can get him involved in a few tasks throughout the day, and pay a little attention to him in regular intervals it will keep him from whining all day long. It makes sense from a little ones perspective.

MichelleD · Nov 28, 2006, 07:17 AM

Pilar, I'm a military spouse with three teenage daughters and have been through plenty of deployments and military moves. My best advice is that you need to see your children's crying as a reflection of your own inner state of mind -- at that age, your kids will be happy if they see that you are happy. If you show them that you are sad, anxious, angry or worried in anyway, they will be really fussy, anxious and cranky in return. They need to feel secure and feel that you are in charge and have everything under control, and then they will calm down and you will have more fun with them. So, even if you don't feel that way, you need to put on a good show, and amazingly enough, if you do it enough, you realize at some point that you really ARE in charge and feel in control of your life. Hang in there -- you can do this -- I was a basket case too, once, and now it's a breeze.

Sentra · Nov 28, 2006, 07:20 AM

My husband just returned home from yet another tour overseas, and we have small children as well, ha! happy doesn't come easy when you feel like the whole world is nuts, but you are mom. They see you as their rock of emotional anchoring while daddy is away, so being strong for them as well as yourself may not come easily but it is worth the work. Hang in there, it will get better.