[99092243]

Hi I'm 26 and my boyfriend is 20. We have been together for nearly a year. I love him to bits he tells me he loves me all the time but I don't feel his actions prove it. I struggle to get him to spend time with me. We had a huge argument a few weeks ago and he will never talk about things so things never get resolved. He is so sweet and lovely but when he gets angry I hate it he scares me. He said he couldn't be with me if I keep getting upset and crying (which I have been as I don think he wants to be with me) So we got back together everything was perfect. I booked a table for us for dinner last night and went to pick him up and he said he didn't want to go. I was so upset and then he starts shouting when I got upset. He said he wanted to stay in bed at home on his own. I said if he does that then its over. He stayed in the car for 4 hours just sitting there in silence then arguing etc. He got out and went home and today he ignored my calls texts and I said "are we over" I just need and answer and he said he doesn't know he just wants time to think. I hate this why can't he just give me an answer its killing me I don't know what to do :-(

[Devorameira]

You’re right - your relationship is lacking. In a good healthy relationship:

You should want to spend time together.

You should be able to discuss what is bothering you without being ridiculed.

Your boyfriend should never criticize you, humiliate you, or undermine your self-esteem.

Your relationship should have some stability and not swing back and forth between emotional distance and closeness.

Actions really do speak louder than words. How rude and ill mannered it was of him to refuse to go out when you already had plans/reservations. It’s obvious that he’s verbally abusive. It just isn’t normal behavior for someone who supposedly loves you to shout at you when you’re already upset. It’s his means of controlling you and it’s especially bad since you were actually trying to do something nice for him.

My advice would be to move on, go full NC (No Contact), heal, then find someone loving and kind - not hot-headed. If you do decide to stay with him, just remember that his verbal abuse WILL get worse, so be prepared.

[amicon]

Give him all the time in the world to think and move on.

He comes across as a an emotionally immature,manipulative waste of your time.

[0rphan]

I think there is an underlying problem there somewhere, the fact that he gets angry if you cry, makes me wonder if there is something in his past that your crying reminds him of, maybe his childhood!

He should comfort you if you are upset,try and resolve what the reason for your crying is, not get
Angry with you,telling you that he cannot be with you if you cry all the time.

This seems extremely odd behaviour to me.

You say that you have been together for nearly a year and yet he doesn't really want to spend time with you, maybe he is having second thoughts about your relationship, but doesn't know how to tell you, or has there been someone else on the scene recently? I'm just throwing other options out there to explain his behaviour.

For now I think you should do your own thing for a while,I know it will be difficult, but hang in there, don't contact him... I mean no phoning, texting etc... nothing at all.

Give him the space that he has asked for, wait for him to contact you.

[dynocompe]

Perhaps you are way too needy and pushy for him, he is only 20. I think its quite obvious the neediness pushes him away.

[Devorameira]

His behavior is because he is a verbal abuser. It's HIS problem - not yours. Just get out of this relationship FAST.

[talaniman]

Your emotional, and he is overwhelmed by it. Whatever his issues, you can't force him to be a good boyfriend, so stop trying why don't you.

Sorry but I don't see this getting better and talking hasn't helped so far.

Give him what he wants, time to think and you enjoy doing your own thing, with more mature people.