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saddeyes · Feb 24, 2010, 05:37 PM

My 18 yr old daughter graduated Hs and immediately was scooped away by a 30 yr old man who lives with his parents still in college no job and is addicted to methadone treatment.. She moved in with him a month ago and now is working her butt off trying to help get them their own place. She says she is in love.. Im so sad over this she gave up a car/college to be with him and uses his car for transportaion. Now it seems she is stuck, but won't listen to me or her friends. She moved 800 miles away for him! HELP!

twinkiedooter · Feb 24, 2010, 05:44 PM

If you help her now all she will be learning is that whenever she gets in trouble mommy or daddy will happily bail her out. She made her choice albeit a bad one. It's going to be up to her to come to her senses when it comes to supporting a dead beat druggie. It may take years for her to finally wake up, or sadly, not wake up for many years at all.

You just need to remember 800 miles is a long way away from home. She apparently didn't want the car or the college to happily throw it away with both hands. She wants to be a "mommy" to some druggie who obviously never grew up or will grow up.

You need to remember also she is now officially an adult and doesn't have to listen to you any longer. BUT if she does call and sounds remorseful about her actions then please try to help her regain her senses and ditch this creep. Nagging her to leave him is definitely NOT the answer. It will only make her want to cling to him even harder.

Methadone treatment is not free, either. Who's paying that tab? What's to say he doesn't fall back into his heroine addiction and drag her along with him? Also, be advised that there is such a thing as heroine rage. She may be setting herself up to great beaten within an inch of her life by him.

saddeyes · Feb 24, 2010, 06:01 PM

Well he pays 10.00 a day for a dose he wasn't a heroine addict he was addicted to pain pills not for pain though for the high. She refuses to listen to reason. I do say that he does treat her with genuine care and respect and isn't mean to her but I don't want my daughter trapped in a relationship with a man who has no motivation or life goals. I feel like she is trying to play house or show us she is independent. Its awful to worry about her daily. WHAT DOES A 30 yr old WANT WITH A TEEN?

redhed35 · Feb 25, 2010, 07:07 AM

Your daughter is smitten and has taken on a caring role,in a way,this personality trait came from what she learned at home,that's a good thing.

My advice is too keep the lines of commmunication open,keep in regular contact and offer HER support,there is no harm in letting her know you don't approve of her relationship,however,at 18 she most likely feels she is old enough to make her own decisions.and choices.

As I said,keep in contact and make yourself available if and when she needs you,let her talk and really listen.