[teastalk]

Okay, so this is about a person that I've never spoken about before on the help desk. This person's name is Jake. First off, I met him during a school club event and we would chat on AIM. However, he had taken a liking to me and I didn't like him the same way. Therefore, we stopped talking online because I stopped going online AIM and actually started using a different chat service. Additionally, after I stopped going online AIM, I starting going out more with my friends and now I'm in a relationship.

However, Jake has been emailing me and sending me text messages at least once a month. I am fully angry because the last message he said that I have been abusive to him. This is an absolute lie. Thus, I am really angry and not sure what I should do. Any comments, suggestions, or advice would be most welcome.

[justcurious55]

Block his email and tell him to stop texting you. Be firm. You don't need to be rude or mean, just very clear and firm that you do not want him contacting you anymore.

[teastalk]

He's started to attend some of the activities that I enjoy outside of school. I am really pissed every time that I see him at the club events, but I don't say anything to him about how creepy I find it that he's joined the same group as I do. Perhaps it's a coincidence that he's ended up at the same organization I am participating in, but I find that it is extremely strange.

I don't think that I can tell him to stop contacting me since he's joined the same group that I am a part of.

[justcurious55]

What group is it? Does he talk to you while there? It didn't sound like he was contacting you because of group activities. Is he? We need the whole story if you want helpful advice on how to handle it.

[teastalk]

He's been attending the same catechism class as I do, even though he was not a professed Catholic before. He's also been attending masses. He hasn't been talking to me while we're there. And, when he did contact me before it was never about the group activities. Now he has sent me a very stupid message saying how I have been abusing him and he's going to tell everyone. Good lord, I don't hit him, yell at him, call him names, or even tell him that he's a creepy stalker for starting to join in the same activities in which I am a part of! I feel like yelling at him now and letting him know exactly how creepy he is, but I won't.

[Wondergirl]

What does Jake consider abuse? That you are ignoring him? That your life no longer contains HIM? Did he explain?

[Jake2008]

I would be creeped out too. Making up things about you in order to get your attention sounds, in this case, vindictive.

I just wanted to add that you might want to consider keeping track of all these 'coincidences' in a notebook. Also, if you are living at home, inform your parents that he makes you very uncomfortable, in case he calls and they pick up, they will know how to handle him if they are informed.

I'm on the fence about confronting him. It might make you feel better, but it may make him more determined to keep on with these 'coincidental' things that keep happening.

p.s. My name here is Jake, but really, that is the name of my dog. :)

[teastalk]

I don't want to deal with this kind of situation. I would very much enjoy it if he would just leave me alone and not contact me. It's fine if he attends the same functions as I do as long as he does not keep contacting me or harass me.

[friend4u178]

I would just ignore him and he'll eventually he'll get the idea and get sick of putting in the effort if he's not getting a response.

As far as accusing you of abuse etc. if you haven't done anything wrong you have nothing to worry about , laugh it off and people will soon see who the culprit is.

[teastalk]

How do you tell someone that their feelings are their own business and no one else is responsible for them? Or... how do you tell them that they shouldn't be over thinking about other people and they are creating drama when there shouldn't be any?

... Except in a more formal/nicer way?

[Romefalls19]

Just tell them the truth, and then it's up to him to get it or continue his stalker ways. If he continues, maybe you should talk to someone in law enforcement

[0rphan]

Firstly you must block his emails and text messages.

If you don't receive any then your not going to get upset.

Make a friend or parent aware of these messages, show them if possible, that way there can be no argument over there content.

The only contact you will be left with, will be perhaps at a social event etc... or if you pass on the street, not much you can do about that, just keep your distance, if he harassed you, you must tell your parents.

I suspect once he realises that emails and messages have been blocked then eventually the penny will drop.

[teastalk]

Do you think he is doing this just to get attention? I am suspecting it to be true. I'm not sure whether to respond back or not to his accusations. If I respond back, then I am unknowingly encouraging further harassment. If I don't respond back, then he accuses me of ignoring him.

Either way I get more and more pissed with each of his messages.

[talaniman]

When you have had enough, you will take all the steps that have been suggested, plus telling him publicly and personally to leave you alone, and let the right people know you don't like what he is doing.

Be careful, as creeps may also be crazy.

[teastalk]

Do you guys think I should defend myself against his false accusations via a response?

[justcurious55]

no. ignoring him is better. He wants the attention. Don't give it to him.

[teastalk]

Thank you for your advice. I will try to withstand sending a response even though every cell in my body is screaming out to defend myself against the false accusations. I don't want him to say that because I didn't answer that his misguided beliefs are correct.

[racquel58]

Yea, in my experience the best thing is to do is ignore him. Keep a record of messages. But ignore him. I have been baited similar to this by an ex and it made me get angry and yell and say things I shouldn't have, so he could pull out the abuse card.

Best thing. Ignore him. Watch out though. Mine started stalking me. They want a reaction like a naughty little kid. They don't care if its good or bad. Its eliciting some feelings.

PERFECT EXAMPLE: my ex was stalking me in life and on the net (forums like this) and holding the info I put on above my head... as blackmail. I finally gave in and got mad at him and his response was... "cool! just when i thought you were over me, I now realise you still love me from your reaction". Sick sick sick mind

[dynocompe]

I would get your dad to call his dad.

[friend4u178]

If you ignore him he'll be the one getting upset , not you !

He'll then stop because he's not getting a response and realise his attempts at upsetting you are futile.

That's a win win for you :)