[smile2010]

This happened a long time ago but its really been bothering me lately and I have reaccuring thoughts of being raped by this guy. I don't consciously do this, it just happens and it really upsets me.

My freshman year in high school (I was 15), I was really depressed, I had a lot of problems with my parents and it got to the point where I wanted to just die. My parents told me I didn't have a problem, I was looking for attention etc. I had a boyfriend they didn't like, he was 17 at the time and they wouldn't let me see him, so we would skip 1st period and go to a private place and we'd sit in his car and talk or makeout. This of course led to other things, like forplay and oral sex. I was uncomfortable with it, but I let him do it. At times I would tell him to stop, I didn't want to do anything at all anymore, but he'd always talk me into things or mess with me enough to the point where I wanted to do stuff.eventually we tried having sex, but it really hurt me, and id tell him to stop but he wouldn't until I started crying. He was never inside me for more than a few minutes. This happened 3 or 4 times. Eventually the cops caught us and my parents forced us to break up. I guess this went on for about a month or two

I was kind of scared of him and I didn't want him to get mad at me for saying no. he was really strong and at the beginning of the relationship when id fight against him,hed squeeze my hand so tight it hurt and id just agree. The first time we broke up was because of that and he never did it again. He had an anger problem.

Was I raped? Or was I just with a bad guy who took advantage of me? Or is this just all my fault?


Thanks.

[Fr_Chuck]

My only real question is, after the first time he "raped" you, that you went back into the car into the same situation again and again.

I would agree that yes he is to stop the first time you say no, but what is he to think, after it happens you keep coming back. Not defending his actions, but I will most likely get a lot of heat on this, the first time I call it rape, but if you put yourself in the same place, with the same person, you should have know it was going to happen.

The main thing here is that it has already happened, it is over, you can't change your choices or his choices. If it is bothering and effecting your life, take charge of your life, get counseling and learn from our mistakes we did in the past.

[JoeCanada76]

I understand Fr Chuck point of view.

The thing is when you have somebody older you look towards. There are many people in many abusive situations that always go back or stay in the situation. It is called power. Power they have over you.

Abuse happens in many forms, for girls and boys and you know what many times over it does not get revealed until years later.

Just because the person might have put herself in that situation over and over again does not make what he did right.

As soon as she would say no, no should have meant no and it should have stopped.

The question were you raped?

YES you WERE.

Please do not feel like you need to take all the blame. Most abused victims girls and boys always feel anormous guilt over what took place and what happened and the abuser never feels any remorse at all.

Please do not let this person have any power over your future, it is in the past and there are ways of trying to deal with this life situation so you can not let it effect your future relationships.

[McSorley]

It doesn't matter how long he was inside u, if you said no and he hurt you tehn I would call it rape... I don't know where your from but here in the UK for a 17 year old male to have sex with a 15 year old female is illegal anyway and if you said no that it makes the situation worse

As said in the above answer do not let this affect your future relationships... I know its upsetting but life doesn't stand still... you only get one shot... make the most of it

Im a male and I would like to appoligise because people like him give the rest of the male race a bad name

John

[twinkiedooter]

You need to stop blaming the other person for your actions. You did lead him on, you know, with the oral sex, etc. But you should be very thankful that you didn't get pregnant due to your/his actions.

You willingly went with him and against your parent's wishes to boot so I'm not really too sympathetic about the outcome (as you can tell) but the first time he penetrated you I don't think it was rape as you kept coming back for more and more and things did get out of hand. This did seem to be consensual in that you did not complain at the time to the authorities that your virginity was taken. And minor on minor sex is not looked on the same as had he been over 18 or older.

Try not to dwell on this any longer. The past is done and gone and you made some pretty poor choices with this guy.

[usuck]

Hey, twinkiedooter. Are you one of those guys who "never raped" a girl? Sounds like it to me.