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n8tv · Feb 18, 2010, 05:25 PM

My ex and I have been separated since my son was tiny, 4-5 months or so. We have always had a verbal agreement on visitations. He would come to the house when he was little and now takes him every other weekend (he is now 5) and we share vacations. Since my fiancé and I have announced our engagement it has become increasingly harder to deal with the ex. Recently he has been threatening to take my son.
Right now my son has his own room, a cat, attends school rt down the road, and is perfectly happy, well taken care of and comfortable in our house. I think it would be extreemly upsetting to him to uproot him from his home.
My ex has had valley fever and spinal menongitis which almost killed him 3 times and recently started walking without a cane. He does not work, drive or cook. He relies on family to help care for our son on visitation weekends.
My son gets SSDI from his fathers disability so I do not need child support, but should I obtain legal custody of my child? I am afraid he will really try and take him or that if I do, the outcome might change our routine we have had thus far, both of which I could not live with. Please help!! Thanks!!

cdad · Feb 18, 2010, 05:56 PM

Yes, you should go to court and make things final and by law. That way all of you have boundries. Also support should be set up at that time and be paid through the courts to avoid future disputes.

n8tv · Feb 18, 2010, 06:06 PM

Would he have to pay support when my son gets ssdi checks from his fathers disability?

cdad · Feb 18, 2010, 06:19 PM

Depends on the state you live in etc. In some states they would request it but if his income is also limited then in most cases they would accept that as payment. And if you both agree to it then get the courts approval then it shouldn't be a problem.

n8tv · Feb 18, 2010, 06:23 PM

Thank you for taking the time. I really appreciate it. Do you think he would be able to take my son?

cdad · Feb 18, 2010, 06:33 PM

Define take? Is he most likely going to be awarded some custody / visitation yes. Will it be a complete swap? Not likely. Can he get chunks of time awarded to him? Yes likely. So it all depends how your situation works out. One thing you have to remember is that part of this may be based in fear. As of now you have a new boyfriend and he may feel threatened. Some states have mediation and in some its mandatory for custody issues. And its through something like that which can bring you resolution. Because from what you have said you were getting along. They make it sound so easy when they say blended family but its not.

n8tv · Feb 18, 2010, 06:37 PM

You are so right!! Thank you for your help. Much appreciated!!

cdad · Feb 18, 2010, 06:39 PM

Anytime. Please feel free to come back and keep us posted as to what did happen. Thanks for using AMHD.

n8tv · Feb 18, 2010, 06:41 PM

It has seriously been a big help!! So happy I found this site! It is nice to know I can get good feedback from people who have been through this.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 18, 2010, 07:42 PM

But realise, that merely not working, or having a handicap will not stop him from getting visits or even some level of joint custody..

But these are things that needed to have been done in court when the child was little

n8tv · Feb 20, 2010, 07:42 PM

Fr_Chuck, thank you for your feedback. I am not sure if you got the wrong impression, but I am not trying to deny the father visitations, merely to keep the situation we have had thus far in affect. I think he has every right to see his son and he is a good father. The concern that I had was whether he could obtain custody of our child resulting in the removal of our child from my home.
I am aware that we should have handled this situation differently, but we can't change the past. I am trying to make good decisions now as to avoid conflict in the future. Any help down that path is welcome.