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deanna gilmore · Nov 25, 2006, 08:35 PM

We have been married for forty one years. My husband thinks it is O.K. to email old friends that he worked with (all women) and old students he taught (mostly women). He also sends these former colleagues cute little poems about love and friendship and it makes me upset. He always says, "They were nice to me." I don't like it and I don't think he is showing respect for me. We have four children and twelve grandchildren. He is 67 years old and I am upset. Don't the other women think it is weird too?

lovelesspa · Nov 25, 2006, 08:53 PM

First off the two of you are legends, to be married 41 years is amazing! I'm sure, unless the ladies are lonely, they probably think he's just a sweet old guy, they remember fondly!
Has there been any signs of trouble, other then this?? Does he make you do without, does he come home every night? Is he abusive to you? Other then the flirty E-Mails are their major problems?? My father in law sends emails to females, males anyone who'll read his jokes, poems, etc. he's been married 40 yrs, also, he also talks to anyone who'll listen in stores, the street... would talk to himself, I think, if he wouldn't argue with himself.! The point is, these guys are feeling their age I believe, and they just want to talk, flirt, but it's all innocent, even though your wondering, why, he's just a guy... If everything else is cool, don't sweat it!! Just sounds like he's re-living his younger days, just feeling kind of old right now... There's a whole lot of space between those females and his computer!! A lot of women would envy you because you've had someone all your life and their still loooking!! Unless there's other problems, I would just let it go and back up, just a bit, maybe tell him, "sometimes I get a little jealous," or something to that effect, see what his reply is, it doesn't sound like you have too much to worry about, how about setting up a spur of the moment date with him, knock him off the computer with something else to do!! :)

Bluerose · Nov 25, 2006, 09:29 PM

deanna gilmore,

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with your husband emailing old friends that he worked with. Perhaps he misses them, misses working with them. Have you seen the stuff he sends and the replies? Have you told him that it upsets you? I really don't think he is disrespecting you. I could be wrong, of course, but I think it is quite simply a pastime.

What do you do on the computer and how does it differ from what he does? Just curious.

May I ask what your relationship is like when he is not on the computer? If it's to do with him being on the computer too much then have a chat, come up with a time table.

Everybody I know uses computers to communicate now. I am the oldest of five and we all have children and they all have children, then there's my friends... We are all in contact with each other on computer most of the time.

JoeCanada76 · Nov 25, 2006, 09:43 PM

Your over reacting. I think you need to let go of this. Why are you upset over emails. You have been married a long long time. It is you that he is in love with. Hello!!

Joe

rkim291968 · Nov 26, 2006, 02:56 AM

I too think you may be overreacting. If it bothers you much, joint a chat/forum and flirt all you want. If you can't beat them, join them. Muhahahahahaha.

K_3 · Nov 26, 2006, 06:14 AM

It all depends on the conversations they are having. Has he kept in contact with them since he worked with them, or had them in his classes? Does he have contact also with men he worked with and students?
I do not agree with flirting on line. There are many that feel it is different because it is not in person. It is the same as if you were to spend time on the phone with someone or at the coffee shop with another woman. But if they were friends and kept in touch all along, that is different. If he lets you read the emails, you are overreacting. If he is hiding them, I would feel disrespected also.

talaniman · Nov 26, 2006, 07:09 AM

Oh No! Is that my future. I'm online so much, That I don't bother turning the doggone thing off anymore. This is my link to the world and PLEASE don't take it from me!! PLEASE..? After 41 years, you can't trust him and let him enjoy himself? For sure if he is front of that one-eyed monster in his home, what could he be doing that's so bad? As has been suggested ,think of something that would make him leave the computer and be with you, but give him his enjoyment, hasn't he earned it? You could pull up a chair and join him you know.

valinors_sorrow · Nov 26, 2006, 08:54 AM

It looks to me, on the outset, like an older man who is yearning for a little love. Not so weird, really. You could not only join him but send him an email too. Something sweet and a little teasingly enticing too. Something to make him feel special. Email can allow for a certain freedom much like a masquerade ball once did. It can open up a whole new way to emotional foreplay for the both of you that is far different than what he is doing with the other women since you can actually easily end up in each others' arms! Enlarge your trust, expand your repetoire and give him something with a bit of a new twist on that good old fashioned married over forty years loving that'll knock his cyber socks off! Then if that doesn't work, it may be necessary to dig a little get at what it really is... just some thoughts I hope you find helpful.