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jadeflower1989 · Feb 15, 2010, 05:56 PM

I just got married and I am having a really hard time. Its my first time living outside of my parents house and they are miles and miles away. This is first marriage too, he is only 19 and he is in the navy. We are having some bad trust issues, which really sucks because he is gone a lot of the time. We were both betrayed pretty badly in our past relationships, and it is really affecting ours now. We both have changed a lot sense we first started dating, but I love him more than anything and I really want this to work out. I asked him if he wanted to see a marriage councelor, but he really didn't seem into the idea. He hardly gives me any feed back in our so called conversations,and I'm so scared that we are going to fall apart all ready. I really need some advice.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 15, 2010, 07:22 PM

You start going to the couselor without him, then latter tell him when he is to go. Don't discuss it with him, you start then sort of push him into trying.

Some issues
1. you said parents house , shows you are having issues living and being on your own

2. first marriage, you say it like it is no big deal and a second one is not out of the question ** commitment ?

3. past relationships. One should never compare the current with the past

4. men don't like to talk about emotions and often think that they merely supporting you is doing their "duty"

Gemini54 · Feb 15, 2010, 08:25 PM

My advice would be to take it slowly. You sound anxious and full of fear, so you need to deal with this first. Is there someone you can talk to? Someone to whom you can express how you're feeling, even if it's over the phone?

I would suggest that you really make an effort not to dump all your insecurities on your new husband. Guys often hate talking about feelings and they feel defensive and a responsibility to make things better.

Find someone that you can talk to - even if you have to go to a counselor - so you can get some strategies for dealing with the trust issues and your fears. Working through the trust issues is a priority, I would suggest, if there are going to be long periods apart.

Once you feel calmer and more in control of what is happening, then you can connect more deeply with your husband and work together in rebuilding trust and love. He may well be much more amenable to counselling if he can see that it's good for you!