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jmp280 · Feb 15, 2010, 03:25 PM

I am currently taking care of my 3 month old son by myself. The father, whom I was never married to and never lived with, has been proven by a dna test to be the biological father but has not tried to help me with our child so far. The only thing he has said is that he wants 50/50 custody so he has gotten his brother who is a lawyer to represent him.
The situation is complicated by the fact that he cheated on his now fiancée with me and that's how my child was conceived. Him and his fiancée feel it would be better for the child to live with them because they own a home and will be married soon (they say it's a more stable home environment). I am a single woman with a very stable job, and make a considerably decent living and would have no problem supporting my child without any help from his father. The father's job is highly unstable and considering the situation in which the child was conceived, I don't see how that would be a more stable environment.
I have been fighting letting him take the baby who is only 3 months old because I am breastfeeding exclusively, and I honestly don't feel comfortably with leaving him with them because he is so opposed to paying child support that I'm afraid he would take him and not give him back. Also, the fiancée has used some racial comments towards me and the baby so I worry that she might do something to harm him because she hates me.
Right now, I'm currently on unpaid maternity/ baby bonding leave andi'm afraid that when we go to court he will get what he is asking for because right now, I cannot afford an attorney. We live in California, and info you can give is greatly appreciated.

JudyKayTee · Feb 15, 2010, 03:28 PM

You need to ask the Court to appoint someone to represent you and when you get to Court you need to PROVE your allegations.

As far as the "cheating" goes, that is immaterial unless it's coloring his fiance's thinking. I fail to see how his cheating with you makes only HIM unstable - ?

He is the father and he is entitled to visitation. There is no way around that unless he is a danger to the child and you can PROVE it.

You need an Attorney -

jmp280 · Feb 15, 2010, 03:38 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You need to ask the Court to appoint someone to represent you and when you get to Court you need to PROVE your allegations.

As far as the "cheating" goes, that is immaterial unless it's coloring his fiance's thinking. I fail to see how his cheating with you makes only HIM unstable - ?

He is the father and he is entitled to visitation. There is no way around that unless he is a danger to the child and you can PROVE it.

You need an Attorney -

I don't think it makes him unstable, rather I just don't see how their living situation makes mine unstable or less stable for my child. And I have no problem with him having visitation and have said I would bring the baby to visit with them or they are welcome to come to my home to visit until he is a little older and can be away from me for extended periods but he refuses this.

twinkiedooter · Feb 15, 2010, 04:57 PM

You need to address the child support problem so he will have to pay his share now, not later when he gets around to it. Even if you have 50/50 custody or you are the primary custodian of the child you need to remember it's his child as well. The Judge will decide what child support needs paid by him at the hearing. Stop freaking out about him keeping the child.

You can go down to Child Support Enforcement and speak to them about helping you retain an attorney or helping you with the child suport problem.

JudyKayTee · Feb 15, 2010, 06:06 PM

The Court needs to decide what is in the best interest of the child -

And I agree with "Twinkie."

Fr_Chuck · Feb 15, 2010, 06:47 PM

If he has an attorney, you need an attorney, without one you will be at a serious disadvantage.

He has a very good chance of getting 50/50 custody, it is far more common today, if there is nothing wrong with either home life.
He does not have to prove there is anything wrong with your home to get 50/50, it is just commonly given if they live close enough and there is no reason not to allow it.

With that said, child support will be by a formula the state has, it will deal with his income, your income and the number of days the child is in each of your care.