[vonderjohn]

Hello all;

How can I be an "unpredictable" guy? This is something that would really attract the girl and keep her "on her toes", which makes her more attracted and more interested and more excited with the guy..

What are some of the tips, hints, moves, behaviors that an average guy would do to make him "unpredictable" ?

Ex: having a different mood each day?
Having surprises all the time?
Having an attitude every hour?

Or what exactly?

Waiting for your thoughts everyone!

[shygrneyzs]

Being the unpredicatble guy will get you a predictable dump by your next girlfriend. I just do not see anyone being long term attracted to someone who has a different attitude every hour or every day, or being in a different mood every day. Being spontaneous can be right - but who can digest that every day?

I could be wrong, but I do not like "being kept on my toes" on a daily basis. That would drive me out the door and down the road so fast it would make your head spin. Being surprised now and then with something different to do, someplace to go, etc. - nothing wrong in that. Sounds like fun.

What you describe though can lead a woman to feel like she is walking on eggshells, never knowing what to expect from you. Perhaps there are women out there who thrive on that. If so, hope you find her.

[vonderjohn]

Well probably its this "fun" that you referred to. The surprises. The 'excitement'
Actually there is a very thin line between being unpredictable and exciting, and being unpredictable and 'scary' or 'worrying'... which is obviously what you don't like.

What about the fun, exciting part... how would it be like?

[shygrneyzs]

No, I do not enjoy being scared, feeling scared, or worrying about someone trying to scare me. That edge is not what makes my day. Being scared when watching some classic horror film is different from walking into an apartment and being scared because you do not know what is going to "jump out".

You are right when you say there is a thin line between being unpredictable and being exciting. But think of that unpredictable nature long term. Do you want to raise a family in that? Your children to copy you? How does being unpredictable all the time, being moody, changing attitude just to throw someone off, lend to your stability AND what others perceive of your stability?

I am not against fun and exciting things, don't get me wrong. I am not against spur of the moment decisions to go and take off somewhere and have an adventure. But not with someone who is going to be a chameleon.

There are those out there who would jump at the chance to agree with you and that is what makes the world go round. Neither one of us is wrong for our own personal reasons. Just you asked an for an opinion and, well, I gave mine. Thanks for listening. Good luck finding that adventurous woman, am sure she is out there.

[valinors_sorrow]

I have only met a very few men who know how to read someone well enough to play like you are suggesting. I would reckon they would be one in thousands as a casual guess. I think excitement can come from a variety of places with unpredictability being somewhat down the list for all the reasons mentioned by shygrneyzs. A guy who looks like he is paying attention, that gets my attention. A guy who looks like there is more to him than meets the eye, who has a deeper end to his swimming pool and knows it without arrogance, that generates interest too. A guy with a sense of adventure but also balances it well with awareness about limits, that works. He can be mysterious without being the least bit threatening. He can be intriguing while still being congruent on all the important stuff - personal integrity, honesty, etc. Its all about knowing that no one really knows what happens next, LOL I think and paying attention on that level. Are you?

[Allheart]

How about this... how about just being VonderJohn? Being yourself, with consideration for others... then, when you catch the eye and heart of that special one.. guess who she truly fell for?? The real VonderJohn!

So go out there and be yourself... treat a lady... like a lady... and enjoy all the happiness that you will receive when that special someone finds the real you... special.

[Ames]

I agree with everyone here so far... Possibly you may like to consider being SPONTANEOUS rather than having UNPREDICTABLE moods. Only speaking for myself here.. but I think this kind of thing may add some spice or "Keep her on her toes".

You don't have to spend a lot of money or anything - Just be clever.. Next time you guys are sitting around at home, just say "Lets go" Jump in the car and go for a drive - Grab a bite out, check out some new CDs at the music store, make a dinner reservation and don't tell her where you're going - Add some mystery to your usual routines. What do you think?

[talaniman]

Be yourself and if they can't deal with it move on.

[mr.yet]

Talaniman, is correct be yourself, any relationship is one of trust, give and take. Be fun and a surpise them with different things to do, show them you care.

[vonderjohn]

Thanks for all your replies.

I'm totally with this "fun, surprising" atmosphere which the girl would love to experience. I'd like to have more real-life, grassroots examples on that

You gave me a bit about suddenly going to dinner or the movies, surprising the girl with a gift or a rose or something nice. What more examples can I do? I don't want those surprises to be boring, or too much, or expected ones.

More surprises a female would love to experience? I'd like to hear more of that from you guys and gals

[J_9]

I used to love it when my boyfriend (now husband) would just say "let's go" and I had no idea where we were going. We would end up at an amusement partk, or a comedy club and dinner. Sometimes he would have a picnic packed and we would go to the beach.

When we were in Alaska he would have the tent and food packed before I got home from work. We would go camping for the weekend with steaks over a truly open fire and a bottle of wine.

Now, understand that this can get to be too much sometimes. You have to do this with moderation, or she begins to feel smothered.

[ordinaryguy]

Do you have a girlfriend at present that you want to try this out on, or is this for a hypothetical future girlfriend? What would probably be most surprising in an attractive sort of way is to ask her about herself, and actually listen to the answers. Most guys spend way too much time talking, usually about themselves, and way too little time listening. Don't be afraid to leave some silent spaces in the conversation. Spontaneity and surprises are OK, but like J_9 says, in moderation. Don't start a pattern of behavior that isn't the real genuine you, and then feel like you have to keep it up. That way lies disaster.

[Wildcat21]

Being unpredictable IS NOT a game. You aound like it's a game or act - NO - it's a life style you should lead!! Don't be boring.

J9 has it right - suprises!! Taking hersomewhere without her knowing where you're going.

Buy her something really nice (after the first coupel months!! ) - just because AND NOT TO BUY HER AFFECTION!!

It's being BUSY - and having your own life!!

It's saying NO! Sometimes. And NO when you mean NO!!

It's NOT calling her 5 times a day or even once a day - make her call you. No smothering.

It's sending few if any e-mails and text - BOTH relationship wreckers. Electronic correspondence should be for simple things.

It's not always running to the phone Every time she calls - make her wonder what your doing!!

It's NOT being a doormat and doing everything she wants to do - don't let her lead most of the time - you lead. Doesn't ALWAYS say yes just because she wants something.

It's going out with your friends - should never always do stuff twith her - have a life.

It's realizing she is part of your life - NOT your life.

It's having a spine.

Being predictable will destroy your relationship - be different - do thingd different - don't be like the other guy. Find fun things to do! And do them - and it's NOT always what she wants to do.

It's not spending 2 hours on the phone with her - ever!! It's not being her 'girlfriend' - you're the fun guy!! Leave her trouble to her friends for a long time.

Being predictable isw smothering - LESS IS MORE!! - in the beginning be less available - make her want you.

[vonderjohn]

WildCat... excellent reply. THank you very much. It was clear, straight forward and right to the point with real life examples. This is exactly what I'm looking for : exciting behavior with fun and surprises. I'd like more of those real life examples as yes, I will be trying them with my girlfriend and I do want to make our relationship exciting and fun without being worrying or uncomfortably unpredictable. Thanks again for a smart answer :)