[rnblover16]

My girlfriend has hinted at this before several times and after I got at her yesterday about something that was bugging me about her she replied saying how there's something not right about me either.

She went on to pretty much accuse me of having relations with a guy friend and that she'd talked to her parents about it many times and told me of how her dad was going to pull myself and my buddy aside, sit us down and confront us about 'what has gone on'

I was completely shocked on the phone!

Has this ever happened to any of you before?

Her basis is this, Ive been friends with this guy for about 4 years and as with other friends, the drift in and out of your life. We hung out same as I did with my other friends, play video games, workout, went to bars to see comedy shows etc and gigs with other people we were friends with from the city. We live in a small town and there's nothing to do at all, so as like everybody in our town, they usually go out in the city at the weekend. So on weekday evenings, we'd go workout, or he'd come round my house and play playstation 3 or whatever. Now during the summer months its light here until about 10:30- 11pm and we'd be playing playstation or whatever and would get bored and sick of being in the house. There's a large public park near by with a river running through and a campsite etc. It's a common place for young people and families to hang out. Anyway so many times we'd go down there in the evening with a nerf football and throw it around, often we'd go pick up another friend or two and we'd go drive around in the car or something, anything to pass the time.

Now my buddy started getting more serious with his girlfriend and started seeing her a lot more often, he also started graduate school which took his time up a lot more and we slowly stopped hanging out as much anymore then recently over the last couple of months Ive not really been in contact with him or any of my other friends. Ive been putting so much time into my music and other then working out a few times a week, I've become a bit of a recluse other than seeing my girlfriend.

Now I hadn't seen my buddy for about a month or so then bumped into him at the gym. I tell my girlfriend the next day, 'hey guess who I saw' and she went really funny on me and expressed how she thought it was odd that we'd hung out loads then not anymore. She thinks that guys shouldn't hang round together as much as that and throw nerf footballs around at parks in the evening. She told me to just tell her what was going on. I honestly couldn't keep a straight face because she was so serious and it was ludacris. This pissed her off and she said she didn't believe me.

Now over the past couple of months she's kept putting in a few little digs here and there about it.

So last night I picked fault with her over something she did at the weekend. We were out for my mums retirement bash and a few people there picked on me over something I said, so as always not afraid to open my mouth, I defended myself. It made a little bit of a scene and embarrassed my girlfriend. She thinks I'm not well behaved in social situations and was annoyed at me, I wasn't very happy about that so brough it up with her and then she lays all this 'gay' stuff on me.

She said her dad thinks Im using her as a 'cover up' because I don't want to come out the closet.

At first I was laughing but after she kept shouting at me on the phone telling me to 'come clean' I got very annoyed!

Im not having somebody disrespect me like that. Ive never cheated on anybody in my life, let alone with a guy!

I lost my cool and shouted back asking her what the hell her problem was etc and she said she hasn't believed me in a long while and wants to go on a break.

I went to bed last night and I woke up this morning thinking, what the hell happened?

Can anybody bring clarity to this situation?

Sorry for the long post and thanks

[I wish]

Several issues here:

1) If you're comfortable with your sexuality, then you shouldn't be worried about her comments about you and your buddy. If you're unsure, then you need to figure that out about yourself.

2) Sounds like your girlfriend is having insecurity issues. I doubt her accusations stem from your interactions with your buddy. It seems like it's something deeper. Find out the roots of her insecurities.

3) As for her parents, they are mostly likely influenced by her biased opinion about you. On the other hand, maybe her parents are the root of her insecurities. Maybe her parents are the ones who had a past experience that is affecting their train of thought. Again, this needs some clarification through honest and open communication.

4) As for your retaliation issue. You need to learn to keep your cool. If you're comfortable with yourself, then there's no reason to lash out.

I doubt that she's personally accusing you of things, she must have a reason behind it. You need to be patient with her and sort out the origins.

[Romefalls19]

I Wish, I agreed with you up until the last point. If I were him, I'd be lashing out too. I'm comfortable with my sexuality, and I hang out with the guys a lot too. I have had the same gym partner for 2 years. If my girlfriend and her parents were talking about me being "gay" behind my back and then started shouting at me to come clean. I'd be ticked off!

To the OP, honestly if this girl is going to react like that and not believe you about something this serious, do you really want her in your life?

[rnblover16]

Im completely comfortable, I guess losing my cool could make me appear guilty.

She stated certain points that made her suspicious such as. When we went out for my birthday, I was a little drunk and my buddy gave her and myself a lift home. As we got out the car she leaned across and gave me a kiss. He laughed and shook his head. As a joke I put my hand on his leg and said something like, don't worry, you'll get one next time. We all laughed then got out the car.

So that's one thing she brought up.

We've been dating about a year and a half, if I was going to cheat on her, I would have done it before now.

Now she's been cheated on before several times by the same guy. This probably has some impact on it. She also from what I've seen and heard has a terrible relationship with her father. He's nice to her one minute and an hole the next. For example, he's quite happy to let her walk a 25 walk home from work at midnight by herself. Then the next minute he's shouting at her because she says she'll be all right to walk home when he's offered her a lift. Truly odd.

Now I've heard and seen before, especially since my girlfriend says it a lot. 'the people accusing are usually the ones who are up to something'

She's accusing me of being gay or cheating on her with a guy. Simply because I can't explain why I hung out at the park with him and now I don't really contact him.

Another thing is, my girlfriend lives with 5 other idiots during the week days while she's at school and comes home on the weekends. She has a truly terrible time there because they people she lives with are inconsiderate idiots, party every night and take drugs. She barely gets any sleep because of the noise, doesn't really have consistent friends there and the people she lives with don't treat her great. She comes home on the weekends feeling tired and under the weather. She comes over to my house and stays and generally is half asleep on the sofa. She usually looks terrible and because her body is in poor condition she catches colds and illness so easy. I don't mind though, I look after her and always care for her.

Many times now she's told me her parents have pulled her aside and asked her what's going on because she doesn't look happy. I don't really think she mentions the school stuff because when she tells her parents about it, they say she's being 'soft' and to 'suck it up'. So her parents seem to think its me making her unhappy. Couple this with the fact that they think Im gay, they're advising her to be 'careful' staying with me.

I feel like Im really being dumped on and I don't know where to start.

My girlfriend said she'd call me when she's cooled off and ready to talk, so I'll speak to her whenever that is. We were supposed to be going out to eat Saturday evening for a valentines dinner.

She said on the phone last night she's been unhappy about all this stuff for a while. I asked her why she hasn't brought it up properly and she said she's just been trying to deal with it.

I got bigger problems then that though. Since she always seems to be ill, she never really feels like having sex. I accept that no means no and I've always had a quite high sex drive, well if you can call it high, sex twice a week would do just fine. Since I started working out harder, heavier weights, it sent my drive through the roof! Ive been pulling it nearly everyday and the skin down there has started to get really tender. Now we have some lube and last week I started using that so my hand wasn't so dry, it helped a lot. Now id left it out in the bathroom that morning. She came over on the evening and found it in the bathroom and confronted me. I explained Ive been wanking a lot recently and its really making the foreskin sore so I used the lube and its helped a lot. She said she didn't believe me and pretty much hinted I'd been with somebody else.

I reassursed her and stayed calm. Other than that she said she just wouldn't believe me. The next morning I tried to have sex with her and she said she wasn't feeling up to it again. I took a shower and couldn't help but wank in the shower. I came out and she said, you were in there for a long time, you had a wank again didn't you. I said yeah. She said its OK, I don't mind.

When we spoke on the phone last night, she shouted at me about that too. She said Im wanking all the time and ask her to have sex when she's not feeling very well, she said she almost told me to go and have sex with somebody else because sex is all I seem bothered about.

This annoyed me too. Hello? She's soon forgetting that I look after her, confort her every weekend when she comes over feeling terrible from a week of poor meals and no sleep. She also has IBS and her stomach swells pretty much on a daily basis and gives her incredible pain. All I do is comfort her, cuddle her, show her love and she pretty much can't do much because she has a pain and feels poor. Yet she manages to go out once a week to a club when her best friend asks her to go.

Like what's going on here?

Im certainly not gay.
I certainly haven't cheated on her with my buddy.
I certainly haven't cheated on her with anybody.

Even if I never got sex ever again, I wouldn't cheat on her.

Ive never been able to break up with anybody. I can't physically reject another human being. Ive always believed you fight for love until the death. My grandparents have been together for over 60 years and have been through ups and downs but they're still together.

She's been speculating about me for the past couple of months and she's given me up this easy?

Its annoyed me and I feel like saying until you can respect me, forget it.

[Romefalls19]

If anyone who didn't know my friends and I, they would think we were "Gay" we make the same jokes as you and your buddy. We actually have something called the "gay chicken" where you sit next to someone at a party and as a joke you slap their thigh and pull your hand up. It's funny and everything but if you didn't know it was a joke you would look further into it

[rnblover16]

I Wish, I agreed with you up until the last point. If I were him, I'd be lashing out too. I'm comfortable with my sexuality, and I hang out with the guys a lot too. I have had the same gym partner for 2 years. If my girlfriend and her parents were talking about me being "gay" behind my back and then started shouting at me to come clean. I'd be ticked off!

To the OP, honestly if this girl is going to react like that and not believe you about something this serious, do you really want her in your life?

Honestly, its ticked me off a lot.

Ive been sitting boiling up today.

When I go to her house, they're so nice and friendly to my face. Then I find out behind my back they're talking trash about me.

It's a good job I haven't told my mum about any of this, otherwise she probably wouldn't be allowed back in our house, or if she was there woulld be an air.

Ive never heard of anybody being in a situation like this.

One minute they're saying how much of a nice guy I am, then the next I'm being slandered.

Ive always been a really soft guy and just take the wrap for things even when Im not at fault. Mainly just to save argument and all the fuss. I don't feel like I can do that with this.

I don't look gay, or what society deems gay looking. Im pretty scruffy looking during the week unless we have to go out somewhere. You know, gym clothes, messy hair, heavy stubble etc. I do however write songs, I write a lot of ballads simply because I like them. I think they think this is a bit 'sissy' as many people have put it. Ive often been laughed at for writing songs by people but whatever, its fine.

I expect it from some people, but not from my girlfriend and her family.

After she told me on the phone about her parents saying that, I said you and your family are crazy. She didn't like that and hung up haha.

Now we're on a break through no choice of my own because from what I can understand. She's cronically uphappy in her situation and somehow I'm getting blame for this and her and her parents think I'm gay with one of my good buddies and she is a cover up girlfriend.

Im going to go to the gym this evening and workout because sitting her stressing is not helping.

Thanks

[Romefalls19]

Dude you sound exactly like me, I write songs and I also am a very good writer. I can watch those "chick flicks" too. I'm just comfortable with who I am as a person. I've never had my own girlfriend accuse me of being gay though

[rnblover16]

If anyone who didn't know my friends and I, they would think we were "Gay" we make the same jokes as you and your buddy. We actually have something called the "gay chicken" where you sit next to someone at a party and as a joke you slap their thigh and pull your hand up. It's funny and everything but if you didn't know it was a joke you would look further into it

Oh gotcha, so perhaps I was wrong to do that?

Ive known the girl since about may 2008 and we started dating around late August 2008. She met the guy many times during that time and I've been friends with him since then. She's never said anything about it all year until about November. Her arguments are;

I hung out at the park late
Worked out together
Did that joke with my hand on his leg
I went into a bit of a depression around late summer this year after graduating and feeling a bit lost. This was around the time I stopped really contacting any of my friends and became a bit of a recluse. I also stopped contacting him and of course, I stopped really bothering with me because I wasn't interested much in leaving the house.

She interpret this as me and him having a 'fling' and we don't talk now because its over haha.

[I wish]

It's definitely fustrating with so much inconsistency around you. Furthermore, it's even more fustrating when you're being accused of something that isn't true. Finally, nor matter how hard you try to set the record straight, she doesn't believe you.

You can't control what's going on in her mind. You can only control your own actions. If you feel like you're going to boil over, then take a time out. Cool off before you revisit your situation. You need to keep your cool as much as possible in these types of situations. You're right, if you start acting up, then you're the one who looks guilty.

Stay calm and collected when you're discussing these issues with your girlfriend, otherwise, stay away from her until you've calmed down.

[rnblover16]

It's definitely fustrating with so much inconsistency around you. Furthermore, it's even more fustrating when you're being accused of something that isn't true. Finally, nor matter how hard you try to set the record straight, she doesn't believe you.

You can't control what's going on in her mind. You can only control your own actions. If you feel like you're going to boil over, then take a time out. Cool off before you revisit your situation. You need to keep your cool as much as possible in these types of situations. You're right, if you start acting up, then you're the one who looks guilty.

Stay calm and collected when you're discussing these issues with your gf, otherwise, stay away from her until you've calmed down.

Ive stayed cool for the most part but I couldn't help myself on the phone last night.

It seems like she only brought it up because I picked fault with her. She has a terrible tempriment and blows up easily. Many conversations have started with her questioning me on something and its ended with her shouting at me as if I was accusing her.

When she first asked me, I stayed calm, didn't say a great deal about it and just suggested she was way off. She wasn't happy about that and asked why I didn't deny it, why I didn't tell her Id never do anything like that, etc. I thought pleeding like this would make it worse!

Either way, she's called for a break now so Ive no need to get flustered anymore.

She told me to call her on Saturday to talk and I rejected it and told her to call me, so she agreed. Im not the one with the issue so why should I chase her.

[talaniman]

You have a very insecure and sensitive female friend, and to be honest seems good at finding fault, any fault, to justify that insecurity. That she has convinced her parents that her fears are real is a big red flag, that she is capable of manipulating things to justify her actions, and reactions.

That's frustrating, and confusing to you, simply because no way do you understand where she is coming from.

She has issues that you haven't noticed before, meaning making a mountain out of a mole hill and finding excuses to blast you for even the most innocent things she has no understanding of.

I am sure if you pay attention you will see other red flags that will give you insights into her thinking, which, far warning is what she sees as fact, without any facts, if that makes sense, but what does is, she acts on those impulses without thinking or knowing the real truth.

Get mad all you want, that may be the only defense you know that gets her off your butt, but that's short term and doesn't solve the problem.

Her real problem is she will never take responsibility for her actions and just to see if I'm right, never apologizes, or admits she could be wrong either.

Its hard to put up with narrow minded people who can only see their own thinking, and leave no room for new ideas, or compromise. But to be fair, this has a lot to do with how much you put up with.

I don't put up with romantic partners who cannot, or will not be able to trust. Since I think she cannot connect you with another female friend, or just female acquaintance, and she is paranoid about being cheated on, then of course it follows you must be gay.

What other explanation could there be when you start with the premise you will cheat, but she only sees you with the guys?

Deranged, but stay cool, and back away, because you can't help her with her issues, no matter what you do.

[rnblover16]

You have a very insecure and sensitive female friend, and to be honest seems good at finding fault, any fault, to justify that insecurity. That she has convinced her parents that her fears are real is a big red flag, that she is capable of manipulating things to justify her actions, and reactions.

Thats frustrating, and confusing to you, simply because no way do you understand where she is coming from.

She has issues that you haven't noticed before, meaning making a mountain out of a mole hill and finding excuses to blast you for even the most innocent things she has no understanding of.

I am sure if you pay attention you will see other red flags that will give you insights into her thinking, which, far warning is what she sees as fact, without any facts, if that makes sense, but what does is, she acts on those impulses without thinking or knowing the real truth.

Get mad all you want, that may be the only defense you know that gets her off your butt, but thats short term and doesn't solve the problem.

Her real problem is she will never take responsibility for her actions and just to see if I'm right, never apologizes, or admits she could be wrong either.

Its hard to put up with narrow minded people who can only see their own thinking, and leave no room for new ideas, or compromise. But to be fair, this has a lot to do with how much you put up with.

I don't put up with romantic partners who cannot, or will not be able to trust. Since I think she cannot connect you with another female friend, or just female acquaintance, and she is paranoid about being cheated on, then of course it follows you must be gay.

What other explanation could there be when you start with the premise you will cheat, but she only sees you with the guys?

Deranged, but stay cool, and back away, because you can't help her with her issues, no matter what you do.

Its funny, I said to her its one thing if she accused me of cheating on her with a woman, but with a guy. I find it hard to comprehend.

You want to know what gets me the most?

I appreciate different ways of thinking, I even studied cultural theory at school. However, as far as Im concerned, you don't give up somebody you profess to 'love' this easy. Im sorry but you just don't.

Funny thing too, her previous boyfriend was cheating on her and she knew but still went out with him. Then she'd ask for a break and then go back out with him. During the break he'd go sleep with other girls too.

Ive questioned her time and again like 'where on earth do you find these people?' she admits to being stupid.

[rnblover16]

I just want to add, and not to criticise other families dynamics. My mum has always done anything for me, she's always there no matter what happens. With this girl it seems her mother pays little to no interest in her and when she tells her mother things that's bothering her, she's told to 'stop moaning or ignore it' Not very supportive.

Her dad also doesn't seem as though he can be bothered with well, life itself. He seems cronically depressed. He's all friendly one time when I visit and not the next, makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

There's also a few other really odd cues I notice. If she's going out to a bar with her friends, her parents will moan and criticise she's going out 'again' and will be drinking alcohol. She goes out once per week to bars, mainly because her friends don't seem to do any other activity. She has a few cocktails and is barely tipsy. She maybe won't go out for about a month then she tells me a story of how her parents questioned her if I've 'stopped' her from going out?

Seems they're constantly talking trash about me behind my back yet are nice, especially her mum to my face.

I feel bad slamming people, slightly less since they're doing the same to me. I just can't understand it.

I talked to my mum a little bit about it and she thinks her parents are bizarre and says no wonder my girlfriend is the way she is.

Im just very confused over all of this. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before and Im taking it pretty bad. Ive done nothing but show her love and of course Im a HUGE pain a lot of the time and I have MANY faults, but to be speculating that I may be gay or may have cheated on her for months has thrown me for six.

[rnblover16]

Anyone else know what to make of this situation?

Talaniman brought up a good point about manipulation but I was thinking things through and something became very noticeable.

Im not sure that she's came up with this gay concept herself.

She said she had a heart to heart with her dad and its he who 'thinks I'm cheating with my friend'

During the beginning of our relationship, when I went to her house her dad would make comments like where is (lets call my friend jack) 'wheres jack today' Id be like, oh I don't know.

Then he made comments which my girlfriend told me about to her. Lets say my name is john. 'john and jack are unseprable' oh they're always together in the gym, etc.

Then later on he'd often ask me questions regarding jack. 'so what's he doing with himself now'. 'oh I saw jack at the gym the other day and he gave me a spot on bench press'

The earliest signs were, he said to my girlfriend, 'you want to watch those two'

Then it suddenly clicked last night. My girlfriends dad has a friend from the town he used to live. His friend drives an hour and a half down to see him. My girlfriend says when he comes over, him and her dad stay up and what the television until 4 am and joke round and drink beers, then his friend bunks down on the pull out bed and stays for the night.

I wonder if her dads got some issues and he's trying to make out like its me.

Im still really confused why somebodys parents are accusing me of being gay on no grounds.

My girlfriend told me not to call her this week and that she'd call me on Saturday morning. I think we're going to meet up on Saturday evening but what am I supposed to say?

Ive got nothing to hide?

It would be one thing if she was saying it herself but since her parents believe it too.

I went 10 pin bowling with my friend, booked a lane for a few hours and got in some great practice for when we go with our main group. Her parents response 'two young guys don't go bowling together'

My friend called me up and asked me to go see fast and furious. They said 'two young lads don't go to the cinema together'

I just don't understand.

[talaniman]

Write them off as ODD, you will never understand how their mind works or why.

Don't dwell on them, just deal with your girl... if you can, but it's a red flag to me, she listens to them, and not you!

Given her history, I would take her at her word, she may just be stupid.

[rnblover16]

Write them off as ODD, you will never understand how their mind works or why.

Don't dwell on them, just deal with your girl..........................if you can, but its a red flag to me, she listens to them, and not you!

Given her history, I would take her at her word, she may just be stupid.

I understand.

Its just very odd and out of character of her.

Isn't it understandable she'd listen to her parents over me? We've been together about a year and a half and she's know them her whole life.

If we meet on Saturday, where am I even supposed to start?

Hello, so, I'm not gay...

[talaniman]

Shouldn't she know you better than her parents though? What about the truth, over opinions, and assumptions? And what are you even doing with a female that thinks your gay, without credible evidence?

When you meet her ask HER why she is with someone who she thinks is gay?

[rnblover16]

Shouldn't she know you better than her parents though?? What about the truth, over opinions, and assumptions? And what are you even doing with a female that thinks your gay, without credible evidence?

When you meet her ask HER why she is with someone who she thinks is gay?

I don't know if she's with me. She doesn't believe me and asked for a break. I told her I wasn't satisfied with this since Ive done nothing wrong. She said she'd talk to me in 1 week, which makes it Monday next week. She's at school that week so I told her to call me on Saturday and we can meet then and talk, she agreed to calling me but said she'll see how she feels about the meeting.

What am I supposed to do if she won't meet with me? I feel like she owes me the meeting since Im being wrongly accused on assumptions.

I didn't agree to not contacting her either, I said said no, then she shouted at me 'thats what a break is' she was very angry.

Ive got no control of this situation at all. Ive got to sit here until the weekend and stress over something I haven't done. Would it be wrong to call her or send a text or something?

I don't like doing things over the phone and if she's going to break up with me, the least she can do is show me some respect and meet to tell me face to face.

[amicon]

It's a question of how much BS you're willing to put up with.
Another red flag-she t e l l s you to not call her.
Meanwhile you're fretting away,confused and upset.

Me I would back off and be unavailable.

[rnblover16]

It's a question of how much BS you're willing to put up with.
Another red flag-she t e l l s you to not call her.
Meanwhile you're fretting away,confused and upset.

Me I would back off and be unavailable.

She said she needs time to think about what she wants and her parents have advised her to have a think about if that's me.

She doesn't want me to call because 'thems the rules of the break' I guess if I call it will be no different to any other day so its not really a break then.

I just feel like Ive gotten the short end of the stick again.

Honestly, Ive noticed I just usually go along with things people say and do just to avoid confrontation and arguments, anything to make it easier.

I asked her why she hadn't brough this break business up before now and she said she's felt it for a few months but has tried to get on with our relationship and see if it feels any better. Then like I said, I had an argument with her. I picked fault with her about seeming to be into going out with her friends more so than me. Rightly so, my fault. Ive been a miserable the last few times we've gone out because I didn't care for the people we went with and I don't like night clubs. This spurred on her to bring up the break and the accusations she's been feeling for months.