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morgan75 · Feb 8, 2010, 06:38 AM

I am 33 years old and went through a divorse three years ago that broke my heart. It took me a long time to get over it. In some ways I am still not over it completely. I think about it often.

I went through my "healing " phase however after all this time, I find when I am with a man, as soon as it looks like it may be getting serious and committed I go into a panic. I feel sad, down, scared, lost and sometimes a bit of anger is in the mix. I then want to retreat into myself. This makes me very very sad. I am dating this really nice man right now. He is wonderful to me. But I can't stop comparing him to they way I felt about my ex and I can't stop feeling panic when I get close and start feeling attached to this person.

This is a horribe thing. I want to find someone and fall in love again. What the Hell is wrong with me? I'm not getting any younger. Would therapy help with this?

I wish · Feb 8, 2010, 06:42 AM

Unfortunately, emotional baggage can get carried over to new relationships. However, we can make a conscious effort to realize that every person is different and it's unfair to carry over past scars.

You've made the first step in realizing that you want to stop this behavior. Therapy would be a start.

It's going to take some time to get over the past. Instead of thinking about the past, why not learn from the past and channel that energy into creating a better future for yourself.

Romefalls19 · Feb 8, 2010, 07:03 AM

I agree therapy is a good idea, sometimes we are more affected by the ending of a relationship than we realize. The affects could be so mentally and emotionally damaging that you need a professional to help sort out.

talaniman · Feb 8, 2010, 07:10 AM

Yes therapy would help guide you through the steps of not trying to replace what you once had, but enjoying what you do have. Then maybe you can get over the comparing of the past with the present.

Past failures can make us see future failure, and that's nothing but fear driving us.

I think your best approach is to develop a life without someone else, one that you enjoy, and makes you happy, so you won't feel the need to be attached to someone to be happy with yourself.

Often, people who need someone have nothing that they value, especially not themselves, and its easy to become attached to whatever comes along, and treats them nicely.

To have a healthy relationship with any one, you must first have a healthy relationship with YOURSELF.