[tchur1]

My adult daughter went to another state to look for work. She did call home to say she arrived safely. It has been three weeks and she has never called us. She did email us a couple of times. I feel she emails because she knows she won't have to face any questions from her parents if she calls. We only ask out of caring and interest.
She does have a part time job. I have called her to leave a message but she hasn't returned it. I don't know her work schedule so usually don't keep calling.
She is living with a friend because she can't afford rent. Her dad and I aren't happy with the living situation but say nothing because she is an adult.
My question is: Do you think she is being respectful by not calling us. I don't expect calls all the time. I do think once a week would be nice just to share our lives.
Any advice would be grateful.

[justcurious55]

She may just be busy. I wonder, is it at all possible that maybe she feels too much pressure to meet expctations when she does call? I hate calling home. I know my aunt means well, but I absolutely hate hearing her advice on my school and what I should be doing. She jut doesn't get that I don't want to hear it no matter how many times I tell her I'm making my own choices about where I go to school and my career. Is it possible your daughter has an issue she doesn't want to talk to you about? Like her job or where she's living?

[talaniman]

I think you should be patient and let her deal with what she has too. Emails may not be what you want, but for now cherish them, and give her time and space to get her act together.

Been where you are and know how you feel, but it will get better as she makes a life for herself.

I would tell you not to worry, but as a father, you always worry about your children. My mom still worries about me, and I ain't hardly a spring chicken myself.

It will be okay. Send her an email, or as I do my son, a letter.

Just remember when you were her age, oops, never mind!!

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, I would often never call home, all my mom could do was fuss about that fact I was not doing this or that, or tell me how great another family member was doing, how she did not like my partner or more.

So if you have a rep or habit to drill them on the phone, she may be tired of facing the issue.
** not saying you are, but you made it sound that way.

[QLP]

My son left home 6 months ago. He didn't make much contact at first. I think he needed time to find his feet and didn't want me 'fussing'.

I tried to give him some space and be happy to exchange an occaisonal e-mail at first. After about 3 months I went to visit him with my hubby.(at his invitation) Yeh the flat was kind of messy and his ironing pile was in danger of hitting the ceiling but he was working and paying his bills. I made a point of making sure he realised I respected it was his home and his life. No comments about the mess, asked him if I could use his bathroom,no unasked-for advice, let him be host etc. He shares the flat with a friend, it's probably more expenisve than they can comfortably afford, and it could easily go pear shaped if either of them run into work problems but I can only be here to pick up the pieces if things go wrong and he can't sort it.

Now he tends to call me once a week for a natter, though there will be spells when I don't hear much if he is busy.

Anyway, the point is I think they need room to grow and to feel that you respect them as independent adults rather than trying to keep 'mothering them'. Not easy I know.

[Kitkat22]

When children experience freedom for the first time, I don't think it's a sign of disrepect, they get caught up with their friends. When my kids left for college they called almost every night for the first two weeks. After that I would call them. Your daughter loves you, I'm sure she doesn't mean to worry you. Blessings