Check out some similar questions!

Nurse98 · Feb 3, 2010, 04:08 PM

My boyfriend I have been together for 6 years, lived together for 5 years and we have children from our past marriges that we have been raising together. He says he does want to get married but not right now. He says its because we don't have much money. What should I do I don't want him to ask me if he does not want to but I am getting sick of waiting

shazamataz · Feb 3, 2010, 04:24 PM

I have been with my partner over 4 years.
We had talked about marriage but decided that it just wasn't the right time...

2 weeks before our 4th anniversary he asked me to marry him.
We won't be actually getting married for quite some time due to money factors.

I don't think it's unreasonable for him to want to wait due to money reasons, however, have you talked to him about it?
Have you told him what you have told us here?

frostybabygurl · Feb 3, 2010, 04:25 PM

Well there are so many things to consider here. First of all you cannot make/bully/convince someone to marry you (definately not a good idea), secondly you have children who I'm sure have attachments to both of you, so they will be affected if you choose to separate because he'd not ready. Having been married before, I would think that you would have the mindset of not wanting to rush, I mean in all honesty marriage is what you both already have right now minus the expensive ceremony/reception etc (all for a piece of paper).
I think it makes sense to wait until finances are better, however I am not you and I can't make that decision for you. IN all honesty, even if he asked you to marry him, that doesn't mean that you'd be getting married anytime soon, you could be engaged for another 10 years. What's the rush? Why is it so important to you to get married soon?

Jake2008 · Feb 3, 2010, 09:07 PM

Is he waiting to win the lottery? Land that big promotion and start earning six figures? Waiting until he can buy a great big smacker of a diamond?

Let's get real here. He has made an obligation to you for the past six years, and that obligation includes raising children together. What is he waiting for.

If you are good enough to raise his children and provide a loving home for six years, you are good enough to marry. A court house wedding doesn't cost much.

If he says he wants to wait, then YOU decide how long you will wait in the shadows. Communicate YOUR needs, and that if his only reason is money, that is just not good enough.

See if you cannot negotiate a date. Say a year from September, so that you can save what you need for the wedding. That is not unreasonable. By then you will be going on 8 years with this man.

If he still can't step up and marry you, then you have a decision to make. Waste another 8 years with a man who cannot commit to marriage, or get out while you are young enough to find someone who can.