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sledneckdan · Feb 2, 2010, 05:03 PM

My girlfriend broke up with her boyfriend about a month ago. A couple of weeks ago, me and her started hanging out and started to get closer to each other. We both told each other that we like one another as boyfriend and girlfriend. She did say that she needed time before she got in another relationship. I told her she can have all the time she needs. She respected that. We were hanging out and having a great for a couple weeks. Then a couple weeks after she said she needed more time, she told me she wanted me to be her boyfriend. So a day later, I asked her to be my girlfriend. We continued getting closer. A week later after we have been going out, she said she wasn't ready for a relationship yet. And she also said she wants to go back being friends and see if we are really meant for each other. Im kind of torn apart inside and don't really know what to do. I really like this girl. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

mistyjane · Feb 2, 2010, 05:24 PM

I think you have to protect yourself.
Yes she's still healing but don't forget when people are healing they need to be with somebody who confort them (spending good time, taking care) That may make her feel good but this will not make her fall for you.
Tell her you need a break from her until she knows what she wants cause even if she wants to be just your friend ,you still feel something for her and Yo- yo is not a healthy way to go.
Take a break from her until she knows what she wants.

CarrotTalker · Feb 2, 2010, 05:31 PM

How did you meet this girl so quickly after her last breakup?

friend4u178 · Feb 2, 2010, 06:57 PM

Just continue to be friends and let her get over her breakup , otherwise you end up being her Rebound and that rarely works long term.

Check out the link below for a perspective of what happens in Rebound Relationships.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ip-401839.html

sledneckdan · Feb 3, 2010, 01:25 AM

Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

How did you meet this girl so quickly after her last breakup?

We were already pretty good friends and I was helping her with her brakeup by comforting her and making her laugh and stuff. But then we both kind of started to have feelings for each other.

CarrotTalker · Feb 3, 2010, 01:27 AM

"she did say that she needed time before she got in another relationship"

Sounds like you need to take a step back and stop calling her your girlfriend.

talaniman · Feb 3, 2010, 09:30 AM

Let me give you fair warning my friend, this grand plan of being nice, and helping some one through hard times, seldom leads to romance later. As a heart heals, and it takes time for that to happen, they look around, and want to get back to life, whatever that is.

She sees you as a friend, and that's what she needs, not romance. But your holding out hope when she does heal, she will be grateful for your friendship, and reward you with the romance you have waited for. I don't think so! Sorry.

What does happen is that after being nursed back to health, the patient leaves, and does there thing, simply because they don't need the doctor any longer. She needs your support now, but not your love later.

Again, sorry, but you have to be aware that your holding a false hope that she will be ready to reward you for your efforts later. She might, but as a grateful friend, not girlfriend.

How long will you wait for her to heal? How long will you ignore other, better options, and opportunities, with false hope?

Your timing is off, so are your motives for helping her. So back off, and get more balance in your own life, while she deals with her own healing, or be prepared for the patient to leave, without paying her bill sufficiently for you.

pureorganic · Feb 4, 2010, 12:40 PM

Dude... no offense... your callled a REBOUND relationship... She is just trying to fill her void! She has not moved on from her last boyfriend... dude grab your stuff, tell her peace and run for your freaking life brother!!

sledneckdan · Feb 4, 2010, 04:07 PM

Originally Posted by pureorganic

Dude... no offense.... ur callled a REBOUND relationship... She is just trying to fill her void!! she has not moved on from her last bf.... dude grab ur stuff, tell her peace and run for ur freaking life brother!!!

Haha. All right I'm starting to realize that.thanx

Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

"she did say that she needed time before she got in another relationship"

Sounds like you need to take a step back and stop calling her your girlfriend.

She is the one that wanted to be my girlfriend. I told her to slow down. She insisted that she wanted me to be her boyfriend. Now I realize that I just need to give her time unitl she figure out what she wants

sledneckdan · Mar 7, 2010, 05:30 PM

Threads merged

I have been having a major problem with my mom accepting my girlfriend into my life. I am getting my license taking away as well as my phone and many other. The thing that pisses me off is that I have done nothing wrong except stand up for my girlfriend by yelling at my parents and telling them that she is not a slut and stuff, cause they think she is. My parents have been putting a lot of pressure on me since I have college coming up and stuff and they want wats best for me. My girlfriend means a lot to me. I'm also keeping my studies up and sports as well. My parents think she is such a big distraction. You I have been spending time with her and stuff but I'm still the same me and its not like I'm just blowing everything off because of my girlfriend. I would really appreciate some advice cause I'm close to moving out of my house and I'm only a junior in high school. By the way, my girlfriend is not even close to a slut, its just because of a bunch of rumors my parents have heard and it seems that they will never accept her.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 7, 2010, 05:33 PM

1. yelled at parents ( not good) discussing and talking, not yelling

You obey your parents and show you are mature

justcurious55 · Mar 7, 2010, 05:43 PM

As long as you live under your parents house, you live under their rules. When you can move out and support yourself, that's when you get to make up your own rules and date whoever you want.

jmjoseph · Mar 7, 2010, 05:46 PM

How are your grades? Have they dropped? Have you suffered any consequences due to you dating this girl? If not, tell your parents that fact.

No matter what happens, you should always respect your parents. It's their house, their rules.

I know it's tough. I went through something like that when I was in high school. I explained my side, and basically told them that I couldn't control my feelings like a faucet. I was in love, or at least I thought I was.

Concentrate on your schoolwork, and college prep. and see her whenever you can.

Good luck to you.

talaniman · Mar 7, 2010, 06:45 PM

Same girl as in your other post?

Keep your cool toward your parents, even when they might be wrong. They want what's best for you, and should be respected as such.

Gemini54 · Mar 7, 2010, 06:51 PM

I think that you should be able to choose your friends (including GF's).

I assume that your parents don't choose your other friends? So it's not entirely reasonable that they try and control your choice of GF.

However, yelling and arguing with them is pretty stupid don't you think?

If they are concerned about your grades or you being distracted by spending too much time with her, why don't you let them know what you're doing? Reassure them that you're studying and playing sport, but that you want time with your friends and GF as well.

Let then know that you understand their concerns and start talking and negotiating with them, rather than getting angry and disrespectful.

Plus, if they are concerned about her 'reputation', why don't you invite her round for lunch or create a situation where they can meet her and get to know her?

Parents can sometimes be a bit overprotective, I know I have been, but if you can talk (with your mom in particular), tell her what you're doing, and share a bit of yourself - she and your dad will feel as if they're included in your life rather than being separate from it.

It can be hard for some parents when their kids start growing up!

Gemini54 · Mar 9, 2010, 01:41 AM

I agree with everything you have to say but the thing is, I have already tried bringing her over and having my parents get to know her. They won't even give her a chance. They should at least give her a chance

Um, well, I guess you can't MAKE them give her a chance.

Why don't you back off for a little while and do your own thing, make sure you're studying, etc, and once things settle down, invite her round to your folks house again with a couple of other friends.

I have no idea why your parents would be so unreasonable, unless there is something actually wrong with this girl.

Larken85 · Mar 9, 2010, 02:39 AM

I agree with an earlier comment by talaniman on a post. He is right, somehow the partents do know what is coming. I just didn't get it. My parents were never wrong. They called my ex a slut and guess what she was. I didn't think she was but in 8th grade she was out getting drunk (thats right I said 8th grade) and getting laid by a 34 yr old man. It was always her choice too so its not like he made her. Although I should have turned his @ss in I just went my own way.
Fact of the matter is I know what you're going through and I feel for you I really do but you need to understand that your partents do know a whole heck of a lot more about today's world than you do and I know its hard because at that age its not easy to admit you're wrong (it wasn't that long ago for me.) And I know how you feel about this girl, I also know how she feels as I went through this several times with my own parents. However you have no choice but to respect their rules at the moment and you better not write off your family and move out like that over a girl.
If this girl loves you actually she will wait until it is a better time for you to date her. When you are 18 your parents can't say anything no matter where you live. Obviously you can still see her at school but as far as your parents being open to her it may be a lost cause for a while. At least until they can for sure tell that she is not interupting your life. Sorry you're having a hard time and I hope you get it all figured out.

talaniman · Mar 9, 2010, 06:34 AM

If I got the time line right, you have been going with this girl only a month, and that's a bit to soon to be getting carried away, and allowing this to be a wedge between you, and your family.

Its clear you have to back up, slowdown, and repair the confidence with your parents by words and actions, and not force this female on them.

They can only judge you by how this relationship affects your behavior, and yelling won't help your case at all. Mature behavior will though, so keep that in mind.

Only you can prove she is not a detriment to you and your school goals as all parent worry about their kids being with the wrong crowd that will lead them to the wrong things at the expense of the things they should be doing.

Don't let it come to that. Deal with this, and all your issues in a mature, thoughtful, and respectful way, and I think your outcomes will be better.

sledneckdan · Mar 23, 2010, 11:07 PM

Threads merged!!!!!

She is way fn hot and is not fat at all. She isn't a size zero but you, I was just wondering of some things I could do to help her realize she is a hot chick and should stop worrying about herself when there is no reason at all. If you ask anyone at our school, they'll say she is a babe for sure. I've told her multiple times that she is gorgeous and not fat at all, cause she always says she looks like and stuff and that she's fat. I don't know if its just a girl thing or what?

ladytab · Mar 23, 2010, 11:40 PM

How old is she? For me, which many will more than likely disagree with me, I think "fat" is relative to each person. I've had people tell me that they'd love to have my body but because the fact that I've always been "small/skinny" getting a small amount of fat on me is freaking me out - others see nothing wrong with me. Also, my boyfriend is really into "buff" (not creepy buff) chicks so it's always in the back of my mind that that's what he likes. However, on the other hand - some chicks will say "im fat" in order to get the compliment of "not you're not" or "you're perfect/beautiful/gorgeous/etc". Difference? If someone really thinks they're "fat" and do not like being "fat" they will do something in order to change it (for example, I workout and eat healthy) but if they're just fishing for compliments they don't really think they're fat and do not do anything in order to change their appearance.