[AngelHeart5678]

I'm 21, I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he's 24. He is my first boyfriend, and I guess I'm his first proper girlfriend. He had a girlfriend before, but it didn't last long and he says he wasn't in love with her, even though she did break his heart (cheated on him with his best friend). I just hooked up with random guys before him (no sex, only kissing) and had one friend with benefits to whom I gave what you'd call oral sex (it laste dlike 10 secondas and he didn't finish). Later this ex friend with benefits introduced me to my now boyfriend, and we had an AWESOME relationship until our sixth month, in which he asked me about my history with said friend and that was it. I lost his trust.

I've never been the most secure or upbeat person, ever. But I think I was normal up until we started having problems. I had no issues with myself image, even though I was 20 lbs heavier. I didn't mind him going out partying without me, didn't mind him having female friends, didn't mind him watching porn, didn't mind his celebrity crushes, etc. Now all of that is the OPPOSITE!

I think it has to do with his lack of trust. I mean, he no longer liked my friends after that (because he discovered they had even more colourful pasts than me), he no longer trusted me to have male friends (he thought I'd eventually end up giving them "something", like I did with my ex friend with benefits), he didn't like me going partying (because I had hooked up with all those random guys at parties, etc.). Somehow I settled for this and my urges to go out partying diminished and I'd say they disappeared. He also stopped going out as much so he could spend time with me. I always asked him whether he wanted to go out with his friends, if he was staying in with me just because I didn't want to go out, and that if he ever wanted to go out he should just tell me. He told me that no, he no longer wanted to party like when he was younger.

Well, yesterday he was so upset because he says I don't let him do anything and that he wants to go out partying with his buds again. I don't feel comfortable with that. I've become really, REALLY insecure. I don't know. I don't think he'll cheat. But I don't like that time with me is less fun than time with them, I also worry he'll meet someone better in one of his nights out (btw, we don't live together), or just that he'll go out and check out other girls and think they're way hotter than me (as I said, I'm really insecure).

He met me on one of those nights out. He though I was cute and asked this former mutual friend to introduce us. What stops him from doing the same if he goes out? He hates my past, so I think any other girl who has a cleaner past will be better in his eyes, or funnier, smarter, whatever. I also don't feel comfortable with his new friendships with women. He has this annoying coworker (I met her on Christmas) and they're starting to bond and confide in each other because she has a crappy boyfriend that my boyfriend also knows... what if she starts having feelings for her? She also has big boobs which he likes, and I don't have.

I also get really down about porn and his celebrity crushes. They're all much prettier than I'll ever be. I hate thinking he has perfect sexual fantasies in his head with them, and well, I'm just average me, he has to the best with what he could get. I mean, it's like he had this small and old Honda car (me)... say, that's all he could afford with the money he had... but in reality he'd like a Ferrari or Lamborghini (these perfect looking girls), but he can't afford it. It doesn't mean he prefers the Honda, it just means he can't get a better car.

I don't know what to do. I feel so lonely. I have no friends (my old friends and I drifted apart), and the new people I've met well we just don't click that much and they don't like going out. I don't know what to do. All I know is that I worry a lot about this and feel very insecure. I don't know how to stop it. It becomes obsessive. I can't stop comparing myself to others or worrying that the worse will happen. I can't stop thinking that whenever he's out alone, he's checking out other women (he told me that used to be his favorite past time with his buds) and thinking about having sex with them. Even if he doesn't act on it, I feel like I'm not enough, especially since we've been having sex for 3 years already and I've heard for guys after that long is not as fun anymore and they want variety. I also think I resent him because I'm supposed to trust him if he goes out alone or has friends of the opposite sex but he doesn't trust me because of my past and everything, so I don't feel we're on equal grounds. I feel like he just wants me to grin and bear it. I don't know what to do.

Well other than this things are great, we've been through a lot together, we have tons of things in common, we make each other laugh, we just share so many things which are really special. I don't know what to do. I've tried counselling, but it's not been much help.

[Romefalls19]

A few red flags here, first he is holding your past against you, that's not fair or right. Second, he tells you not to go out but wants to be able to go out, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. It sounds like this relationship is built on a whole bunch of rules, which makes it feel more like a prison where neither one of you are happy. Sure when you're with him sometimes you experience happiness, but other times there has to be fighting and arguing about this. I think you need to see a therapist about your insecurities to get that straightened out.

[talaniman]

This all starts with you settling because he made you feel you had to. Rome is right, this relationship is so unequal and you are led to believe you have to please him, and he can please himself.

Your not overweight, but your carrying around a lot of dead weight... HIM!!

3 years is much to long to be manipulated into being his slave.