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    topher's Avatar
    topher Posts: 65, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Dec 10, 2008, 09:26 PM
    She just can't seem to let it go
    Entire story merged

    My girlfriend and I have been going out for about a year now. She's black, I'm white. In September we were on a mission trip to Chicago and some one an off color comment. I mean in all retrospect it just made her fell uncomfortable. Any way it seems like every time she talks to her mom the whole incident gets thrown back in my face, like it almost was my fault. I love the girl but man this is just getting on my last nerve. I don't know what to do
    TrueFaith's Avatar
    TrueFaith Posts: 1,202, Reputation: 313
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    #2

    Dec 10, 2008, 09:31 PM

    The world has gone total P.C mad!

    In my view. You can't say anything to anybody now a days :)

    Tell her that you was not the one that said this. And please can she just drop it.

    It's the same with any problem. If you just keep going on and on about
    Someone has to say look stop.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #3

    Dec 10, 2008, 09:37 PM

    Are you saying you made the off color comment? If not why is she holding it against you?

    Why is her mom the cause of it getting thrown back in your face?
    topher's Avatar
    topher Posts: 65, Reputation: 3
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    #4

    Dec 10, 2008, 09:45 PM

    I didn't make the comment. She's pissed off because I didn't speak up about it when it happened. Well it seems to always be on her mind and she wants some answers so when ever she talks to her mom about it I always get a talking to. I tell her she needs to let it go and that it dose not do any one any good to remain angry about it's frustrating
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #5

    Dec 10, 2008, 09:50 PM

    Tell her we all make mistakes and miss opportunities and there are many things in life that if we could do over we would. Ask her to forgive and forget and if you two can move on. That you now know that she is a girl that likes defending so you will stick up for her from now on.

    I know some girls that get mad if the guy steps in and sticks up for them.
    topher's Avatar
    topher Posts: 65, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #6

    Dec 10, 2008, 09:58 PM
    I've been telling her that, now she's talking about wanting to take me to a seminar about ending racism and all that stuff
    She's stubborn
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #7

    Dec 10, 2008, 10:12 PM

    Tell her you would be glad to go and think it will be most interesting.
    That is if you can and will go. If not don't tell her that or it will make it worse.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,318, Reputation: 10854
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    #8

    Dec 11, 2008, 12:01 AM
    I think what the whole problem is she is not sure if you will defend her, or not.

    That's a biggie with females. Security and protection. Yeah you better go on that seminar, and pay attention, as you just can't brush her feelings away, and not acknowledge how she feels.

    This will happen again, and its not about race my friend, but about you standing up for her.
    homeworkgirl's Avatar
    homeworkgirl Posts: 25, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #9

    Dec 11, 2008, 02:24 AM

    You said you love the girl, so please do your best to protect her.
    Soulds like she is a cute girl.
    wolfgangqpublic's Avatar
    wolfgangqpublic Posts: 189, Reputation: 29
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    #10

    Dec 11, 2008, 08:52 AM

    You should mention to her that being white, some things that are racially insensitive to others don't always have the same immediate impact for you. It may be a while before you realize how badly it affected someone. It's not ignorance or an unwillingness to stand up for her, but the fact that unless the remark is blatantly racist and a personal attack, you don't have the benefit of her experience to pick up on it.
    topher's Avatar
    topher Posts: 65, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #11

    Dec 30, 2008, 04:28 PM
    Girlfriend's mom is nagging her
    My girlfriend's mom got remarried recently and moved out of state. It seems to me that, not that she's getting a divorce, that when ever she talks to my girlfriend that she's always questioning our relationship. Example: today they talked on the phone she kept accusing us of being alcoholics, and saying that we drink too much (not more than to a week, combined) blah blah so on and so forth. And other stupid stuff like that and every time they talk it gets my girlfriend all worked up then I have to deal with it. It's driving me up a wall :confused:
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #12

    Dec 30, 2008, 05:18 PM

    It sounds like her mom wants to control her life and likes assuming too much. She may be trying to make her feel like she can not do any good without her.
    She needs to cut back talking with her mom I would think but she has to make that decision on her own.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,318, Reputation: 10854
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    #13

    Dec 30, 2008, 07:33 PM

    Whatever your mom in law says to upset your g/f, stay calm and be supportive, let her vent and listen. If this drives you crazy, just think of how she feels. She will solve this her own way, in her own time.
    topher's Avatar
    topher Posts: 65, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #14

    Dec 30, 2008, 08:07 PM

    I just frustrates me (my dad can be like this to) that she, and my dad treat us like little kids. I mean we are 24 with a good level heads on both our shoulders
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,318, Reputation: 10854
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    #15

    Dec 30, 2008, 08:14 PM

    You will always be their babies no matter how old you get, just ask my mom, and I'm almost 55.

    Hey you aren't one of my kids are you?? Naw, my babies are in their 30's.
    topher's Avatar
    topher Posts: 65, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #16

    Oct 8, 2009, 06:18 PM
    The next move
    My girlfriend and I have been going out for about a year and a half now. She has marriage on her mind, I just graduated from college and looking for a career, and don't feel it's the right time now to settle down. She wants to take a break to reevaluate things and think things over. I just don't know what to do at this time in my life or where we are going
    Gemini54's Avatar
    Gemini54 Posts: 2,871, Reputation: 1116
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    #17

    Oct 8, 2009, 06:29 PM
    If you feel that you are not ready for a commitment yet, then don't make that commitment.

    Marriage is serious business and you must take time to develop your career and live your life. What's the rush?

    Many people don't know what their direction is at your age. This is as it should be - living life and gaining experience is what gives people the ability to make choices about their direction.

    Your girlfriend is right to want to take a break - assuming that she's not using this as a threat to get you to conform to her wishes. Let her know that you're happy to take a break as you're uncertain about what you want to do and you're not ready for marriage.

    It's better to be honest that to be persuaded into something you will probably regret.
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,292, Reputation: 2029
    Family & People Expert
     
    #18

    Oct 8, 2009, 06:49 PM
    If you're just as confused as she is, then it's a good idea to take a break from one another and think things through first. By giving each other time and space, you won't be influencing each other's thought process and you will be able to think more objectively.

    Take your time to sort things out before you start communicating again.
    topher's Avatar
    topher Posts: 65, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #19

    Dec 20, 2009, 11:16 PM
    Dose this make me a bad boy friend
    So I've been going out with my girlfriend for about two years now, every thing is going great but I noticed that I have dreams about and being with other women. Is it just something silly or are they trying to tell me something. In these dreams I either try to get close to these women or get intimate with them but end up not or only going half way through.
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
    Uber Member
     
    #20

    Dec 21, 2009, 01:42 AM

    They're just dreams and we all have them at some point.
    I wouldn't worry about it.

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