[Delelo]

My heart is breaking, my son split from his ex 6 years ago, everything has been fine, my son has collected his 2 daughters, one age 6yrs and one is 11yrs every weekend on Friday night and taken them back Saturday night, he has been giving his ex money every week but he has recently fallen on very hard times and is unable to give her money at the moment. I have been giving money to them so my son can get his things in order but I found out that the money is not being spent on my grandchildren because they were coming in old clothes and shoes with holes in, so I decided to spend it on the girls instead of giving cash to his ex, we have now been stopped from seeing the girls although they have said that it is the girls decision not to come. I know that there is a lot of abusive language used by the ex's parents in front of the 2girls and I cannot do anything about it mainly bececause I don't want the girls to be upset by me saying anything to his ex or her parents. The last time I saw the girls was 3 weeks ago when I went to pick them up because my son was at work, his ex's mother shouted very bad language at me and would not let me take the girls they also called my son horrible names, all this was in front of the 2 girls, I did not say anything to them because it would upset the girls more.please help me with this problem.

[ScottGem]

There isn't a lot of help we can give. If there is court ordered support payments and your son isn't making them, then he has a problem in going to the court to enforce his visitation rights.

However, if there is no court ordered support and he has just been contributing what he can, then he should be able to enforce his visitation rights, but he probably will have to court to do so.

[Delelo]

Thank you for yor answer, my son's ex is getting benefits from the state for her and the 2 girls but my son has been giving her extra, we have not been to court as everything has been verbal agreements we also do not have reciepts as to how much money we have been giving them.
We also bought shoes and clothes for the them as well as school uniforms.

[ScottGem]

Hmmm, that's a problem. If the ex is getting state benefits and your son takes her to court, then the court mught order him to pay child support and repay what the state has paid out. If there is no court ordered visitation, then there is nothing to enforce.

The only thing you can try is to report to the local family agency that the kids aren't being clothed properly.

[s_cianci]

You can press criminal abuse charges against the ex-in-laws. That may stop them. Hopefully you and your son documented whatever money you've given and also when you've purchased things for the girls on your own. Your son should go to court to get a visitation order established and to get the judge to formally order the ex-in-laws to stop their verbal abuse and disparaging comments in the girls' presence.

[LUNAGODDESS]

“I did not say anything to them because it would upset the girls more....” First congratulation on that effort... it did hurt to stay silent... when someone you love is being punished for something you have no idea about and don’t want to know... you just what to be Grandmother with the most... good effort on your part... the care of the grandchildren are not for clothing only... but, for rent, utilities and food and health care... you see there is a short on both sides on the financial front... handle it... by purchasing some of the clothes and bring them straight to the children and tell you son... you are doing this... but this does not mean... that he should deny any care because his... mommy... is doing so... the children are still his responsibility... and should not pass this responsibility off to you... period... as for the ex’s parents... there is not much you can do about it... but suggest... to them... got issue with son tell him... leave you out of it... keep the peace... less drama the better... I know this drama hurts... but this was your son and the ex's problems... you did ask him to use protection and his choice was free willy... and so was his ex told... to protect her self... and she said free willy come home... keep the grandmother with the most image... show to the other family that you are not your son nor are you their daughter... what other problem could you have... but to make sure your government understand that if the economy is doing great... why is your son out of work or not receiving the wages he deserves?. and rather or not your grandchildren will continue to be in a free society... this drama baby mama drama and he parents should not be worth your energy...

[Myth]

You should see if your state has grandparents rights in it's custody laws. You could very well yourself file for court ordered visitations if so. I would consider talking to a lawyer about it if I were you. I know that there is a law in Oregon that protects the grandparent, grandchild relationship. Hope this helps

I realise this is an older post but had to throw in my two cents anyway

[Bluerose]

Keep all receipts clearly documenting whatever you bought for the girls and what cash you gave the ex. Everything. Keep everything sent to you regarding the girls, letters notes, abusive letters, emails etc. Keeping these things will show how much you and your son are involved in the girls lives. And might be useful if you decide to fight for access. You can you know. Check out grandparents rights on the net.

I know you're not to keen on creating a disturbance but it might still be worth keeping those things documented. Can you get to speak to the girls on the phone. I'm worried it might not be them who doesn't want to see you. I read that grandkids kept from seeing their grandparents if they are used to seeing them go through a kind of grieving process. Can you communicate with the mother, through letter perhaps. Beware what you put in writing, she too might be documenting things.

I was an abused child, I hate to think of the girls not being looked after properly. My saving grace was spending a lot of weekends with my grandparents on my mum's side.