[Alty]

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
One day I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a woman I asked, 'So how's your breakfast this morning?' It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco
A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My wife's going to have her babyin the cab!' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered, 'Why, not for about twenty years, when my husband was alive.'

Submitted By An RN (No Name)
A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.When she was completely nude they noticed her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, 'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' I Instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,' replied the patient.

And, finally...

Dr. Wouldn't Submit His Name
As a new, young MD doing his residency, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied, 'No,Doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Weiner''.

[Stringer]

LMAO... Thanks Alty.

[Alty]

I'm glad you liked them Stringer. :)

[shazamataz]

I love the "Had to mow the lawn" one :D

[J_9]

I LOVE it! The oscar meyer weiner got me giggling.

Here's one...

Our doctor went to Africa for an OBGYN conference. One of our patients came up in false labor. We explained that Dr. T was covering for Dr. C. The patient asked where Dr. C was... we told her he was in Africa for a week. She looked astonished and replied... "I thought it took at LEAST a week to drive to Africa!"

[Just Dahlia]

I LOVE it!! The oscar meyer weiner got me giggling.

Here's one...

Our doctor went to Africa for an OBGYN conference. One of our patients came up in false labor. We explained that Dr. T was covering for Dr. C. The patient asked where Dr. C was...we told her he was in Africa for a week. She looked astonished and replied..."I thought it took at LEAST a week to drive to Africa!"

No, no, no... I just drove there yeaterday and I'm already home.:)

[Unknown008]

Loved them Alty! :)

I had to Google KY Jelly :eek:

[twinkiedooter]

Those are priceless. Thanks Alty!

[Alty]

I'm glad you all liked them. They made me giggle so I had to share. :)

[earl237]

Doctors must have a hard time keeping a straight face sometimes. They have some great stories.