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I agree with J_9, if they are young, whether you are leaving her or not, neither parent should try to turn the children against the other. If/when they are old enough to be classified as adults and if they ask then I personally would think it is OK to tell them if you wish. But not when they are children. |
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No, of course children should not be told their mother is a cheater! Children NEED to have esteem for their parents, otherwise they will be confused and the parent/child relationship would be damaged, causing the child to suffer consequences. Children get hurt when one parent trashes the other, and/or when both parents trash each other. Children have a right to love and be loved by both parents. |
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If I were a divorce court judge (I'm not) and I found out you had tried to punish your wife by using the children this way I would declare you an unfit parent and issue a restraining order against you from ever seeing the children you already have or having any more. In a word - No |
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I think that parents should always try and support each other, not undermine each other.
You sound angry and perhaps with good reason if the mother of your children has cheated. However, this is between you and her and is not something that should be shared with the children - she is still, after all, their mother. Having said all that, I can assure you that children eventually make up their own minds about their parents. If you bad mouth their mother now they will remember that, but if you don't say anything they will also remember when their mother cheated (because they will find out), and form their own opinion about her behavior. |
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No, absolutely not! What happens in an adult relationship is none of a child's concern. Playing one parent against the other is a form of emotional blackmail and it will backfire! The one doing the bad mouthing will come to regret it as the child will resent the parent who has done the tattling. No child ever wants to hear that their parent has done wrong and it would be painful.They are too young to understand the dynamics and all it would do is cause pain. |
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People that cheat on their spouses are scum buckets, but the person that would tell their kids is worse than scum. If you love your kids you should want to protect them and not hurt them...and believe me your telling them would hurt them at any age. Keep your problems private and focus on making the kids feel loved and secure. That's the job of a parent.
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