[ineedadvice7]

I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 24, and we've been dating for over 2 years in a long distance relationship most of the time.

I lost my virginity to him (but not him to me-- although he hadn't had sex for almost 2 years, which is weird, right?), and when we first started hooking up, we would have sex about 2x/ day, sometimes more. However, ever since we started dating and fell in love, the sex has gradually decreased.

I see him about once every 3 weeks for a few days, sometimes more, sometimes less. We always have sex right when we see each other and it's great-- then he doesn't crave it anymore the way I do, and he either says he's not in the mood/ is tired/ his stomach hurts or we have sex and I can tell he's not into it.

I've asked him about it a few times, and he gets really upset that he's not satisfying me... he says that guys like the chase and crave sex a lot before they find love, but then once they're with someone they truly care about, they no longer want sex as badly. He says he has spoken to some of his friends about it and they've felt the same way once they've been in relationships for a while. In your experiences, have you found that this is true? Because from what I've heard, I thought that all guys crave sex most of the time...

Another issue with him is that he grew up believing that sex is meant to produce babies, and I sense that he feels a little bit guilty doing it, even though he says he doesn't feel guilty with me. I don't want to change his beliefs, but I just wish I could get him to see that sex is healthy and should be pleasurable, and I wish he would crave it more. He looks at porn online while I'm away, which I'm fine with because I'd rather he be getting sexual pleasure that way than by cheating-- but that makes me wonder, if he doesn't crave sex with me, why does he crave porn/ jacking off?

I love him so much, and I have no doubt that he's faithful to me. I do see us together in the long run, but the thought of not having sex when I'm older scares me. His parents are in their 60s and no longer have sex because of a medical condition his father has, and he has made it clear that he thinks sex at that age is not normal. Any idea of whether this is something people can change their mind on?

Sorry this is so long-- but I'd appreciate any feedback or opinions I can get. Please be honest-- if you think he's full of , tell me! Thanks :)

[smoothy]

Why can't you find a boyfriend that's local to you?


I say this because long distance relationships have so many problems they rarely ever work. He may already recognize this... and hasn't had the nerve to say anything. And even possibly trying to put you off so YOU make the decision to walk away rather than him dumping you, because he lacks the guts... ( yeah I've been there before with an older woman that while extremely affectionate publicly was a cold fish in bed and generally became more offputting the longer I knew her). Bad thing to do, I was 20 at the time and she was 30... and well we live, we learn, we mature.

Can't say this is definitely what is going on (without hearing from him), but it's a strong possibility.

[Cat1864]

It is normal for the frequency of sex to decrease in a relationship. It just means that the hormones that are active in the 'chase' have settled down and it is more about actually getting to know each other in ways other than bed.

Some people have low libidos and don't want sex as frequently as other people do. There is also the time it takes to 'recharge' the system both physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Watching porn and masturbating do not have the mental/emotional issues of 'sex is for procreation' so it is completely understandable that he can separate sex with you and self-gratification. He may not masturbate every time he watches porn.

Medical issues are something that any couple has to be ready to handle if they plan on spending the rest of their lives together. If his father's condition could be genetic, then you have to decide if you want to face a future where your boyfriend may end up with the same condition and results.

Change is something that a person has to want to do for him/herself. Can he change is very different from does he want to change. Do you want to change? Can you both work together to find a compromise?

You both need to sit down and have a discussion (non-confrontational, open, honest, no accusations, no blame, calm, give and take, speaking and listening in turn, etc.) about the issues and how you can work together to build a stronger relationship that doesn't put artificial age restraints on sex or make the decision that maybe you don't have a future together.