[LaMorena13]

Hello,
I wanted some advice about marriage? I am 19 now and I am in school and I am engaged to be married in a year to my fiancé of 2 and a half years. My fiancé is 23 and is a paramedic. My question really is advice on marriage every and anything you think I need to know. THANKS <3

[jaime90]

-Go to pre-maritial counseling

-Learn each other's love languages. Read:"The 5 love languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman.

-become a student of your partner. Try to learn at least one thing about your partner everyday and you won't get bored in your relationship.

-Protect each other from the tempation to cheat. Put up healthy boundaries on each others relationships with the opposite-sex. (ie. No physical contact with the opposite sex unless the other partner is comfortable, no riding in a car alone with a member of the opposite sex unless the other partner is comfortable with it, etc.)

I am 19 years old, also engaged to my partner of about 3 years, a U.S.Marine. This is what I've learned about marriage in pre-maritial counseling, it's not quite my "own" advice. I'm happy to pass on this knowledge to someone who is in the same situation as me!

[Jake2008]

Marriage is hard, hard work. I've been married 34 years this summer, and I can tell you it is not a cake walk, but the rewards are enormous.

You have to make sure you have time together when life gets busy when kids come along. Be understanding and gracious with in-laws that might be less than accepting of you.

Always cover your partners back. Be prepared to go through their darkest days, and support them no matter what, through illness, job loss, and conflicts.

Never assume anything, or presume to know what your partner is thinking. Allow them the dignity of having their own opinions and input, even if you disagree. Learn to compromise.

Keep laughing. I don't think a day has gone by that something funny hasn't happened, or he hasn't said something totally ridiculous that made me laugh.

Admit when you've made a mistake no matter how big; never hide anything.

Never go to bed angry. We've had some hum dingers believe me, but we've never gone to bed angry with each other. Agreed to disagree- yes, but let the anger go, it will eat you alive.

Overlook the petty things, and stay on equal footing with planning, saving, goals and aspirations.

Never cheat, and if you're thinking about it, fess up, and work through, and past it. You will be tempted at some point, or he will. That's life.

You will go through stages where you will wonder what the hell you're doing being married to this jerk. But, you'll get past it because you've far more to lose than gain, and love nurtured will sustain you.

Never forget that your commitment is to one person, and focus all you can on their happiness and well being. That works both ways. Things don't work so well when all the giving is done by one, and all the taking by the other.

Be realistic and enter into a marriage with your eyes wide open, accept the good with the not so good, and work hard.

I think marriage is a wonderful thing, but is not for the naïve, or uncommitted.

Work hard, you'll be fine. Best of luck to you.

[Cat1864]

The only thing I can add to what Jake and Jaime have said is: Don't expect the physical side of the relationship to always stay the same.

There will times when one or both of you don't feel like having intercourse or it may be medically necessary to abstain (such as after having a baby until given the okay by your doctor). It doesn't mean that either one of you have fallen out of love or are not attracted to the other person. Keep those lines of communication open and be honest with each other about how you are feeling.

Don't take the little signs of affection for granted. Hand-holding, kisses on the cheek, a caress, a smile, a love note, etc. just because you feel like it with no expectations of anything else can help keep the physical side from becoming 'stale'. Sometimes, the most relaxing moments can be lying in bed with your partner just cuddling.

One other thing, he is a paramedic so you probably have already learned that there will be times when something he has seen at work may cause him to want to 'shut down'. It is natural for those in emergency services like police, paramedics, fire, and rescue to want to internalize the bad that they see and experience. Be there for him and let him talk when he wants/needs to. There are going to be times that you are scared that he is in danger or will be. Don't let your fear overwhelm you. Be honest with him and work together to build a strong support system for both of you. This is where friends and family and outside interests/hobbies help spread the stress and add bracing.