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good_girl · Jan 8, 2010, 02:53 PM

Its been 11 month that my boyfriend and I are going out. I already went out with him before for 4 months. Its been 3 years I know him and since the first time I saw him I fell in love with him. He told me about 10 months ago that he was bisexual... at the begging it really hurted me and I wanted to brake up with him but I love him so much that I couldn't. Then about 5 months ago he told me that he loved a bit more mans than woman's and it hurted me more this time.. but I love him too much so I stayed with him... recently we talked and he said that he loves man as well as woman but a little more mans but not from a lot... he told me that he loves me and that he would do anything for me he would even give his life away... we talked last night about it and I wanted him to open up more to me and we talk honestly and he agreed on the fact that for sure one day we would leave each other because he wants to know about a different lifestyle (to be with a man). I have no more clue what to do I love him so much I think about leaving him and I want to scream out louad and start to cry but at the same time I don't want to waste years for something that I know I won't end up having. Im scared to let him go I love him but its just breaking me down inside. I know he loves me and if I were at his place for sure I would want to know a different lifestyle but I mean I love him too much. I don't know what to do juste help me I need it.

Wondergirl · Jan 8, 2010, 02:59 PM

How old are the two of you?

good_girl · Jan 8, 2010, 02:59 PM

He's 17 and I'm 16

Wondergirl · Jan 8, 2010, 03:05 PM

"he agreed on the fact that for sure one day we would leave each other because he wants to know about a different lifestyle (to be with a man). I have no more clue what to do."

This says it all. He will leave you for someone else, male or female. Your love isn't enough to keep him. Why are you staying with a lost cause?

(Personally, I think both of you are much too young to understand your sexuality, but I know you don't agree.)

good_girl · Jan 8, 2010, 03:14 PM

Probably it's the good answer but when I say I love him I really do it been 3 years we love each other he left me because he was so confuse about his orientation and I mean I understand but he told me for sure he would want to try but he said not now and he told me that he's happy with me and he loves me... I feel so dumb god... he just told me to live in the present and will check about the futur that's what he told me :S

Jake2008 · Jan 8, 2010, 06:33 PM

You cannot change anybody, for any reason.

Whether he decides on his own that he is bi, or gay or straight, is not going to happen because you love him and want him to be with you.

We all have to learn that any relationship comes with risk, and disappointment. When you give your heart and soul to another, there is no guarantee that will be enough to keep a relationship going if the other party is not committed.

He has been good to be upfront with you. He's not hiding anything, or lying to you.

It is up to you whether you want a relationship with him. If what you want is a relationship without doubt as to sexual orientation from your partner, this, unfortunately, is not it.

jaime90 · Jan 8, 2010, 07:31 PM

Love is a commitment. Since this guy is not willing to be commited- he doesn't truly love you. He is actually willing to leave you- quite the contrary to true love. Take your emotions out of the situation and view it with your head. Your feelings kept you from breaking up with him before, and it is keeping you from breaking up with him now. You've had some relationship experience, and that is what you've gained from the past several months. I advise leaving this young man- he is not worth your time.

For future reference: it's always a good idea to get to know someone BEFORE you begin a relationship with them and get emotions involved. If you don't know the person, there's a good chance you will end up getting hurt in the long-run.

good_girl · Jan 11, 2010, 02:58 PM

Okay so I talked to him about the situation and everything and I was about tu break up with him and he just stopped me and told me you know we never know what te futur has for us it may break and it may not... then he told me you know I love you and you're the only reason why today I'm still living ( he passed into a big depression thing because he was bi and he like didn't want to accepted himself and his parents are super catholic so nothing help) he toldme how much he loved me and everything... I really don't know what to do...

jaime90 · Jan 11, 2010, 03:05 PM

Love is a commitment. Since this guy is not willing to be commited- he doesn't truly love you. He is actually willing to leave you- quite the contrary to true love. Take your emotions out of the situation and view it with your head. Your feelings kept you from breaking up with him before, and it is keeping you from breaking up with him now. You've had some relationship experience, and that is what you've gained from the past several months. I advise leaving this young man- he is not worth your time.

For future reference: it's always a good idea to get to know someone BEFORE you begin a relationship with them and get emotions involved. If you don't know the person, there's a good chance you will end up getting hurt in the long-run.

My advice stays the same.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 11, 2010, 03:05 PM

OK so he likes what he has now, still won't tell you that he won't leave and OMG he said that magic word LOVE. And so he is bi, big deal, that does not give him any right to cheat and have affairs, ( which sorry sounds like he wants to look into latter)

If he really loves you, he would KNOW what the future should hold,

Sorry he is merely telling you what you want to hear so you will not break up right now. He would rather leave on his time, not yours

good_girl · Jan 11, 2010, 03:12 PM

But I mean I kind of understand him in a way that he wants to see what its like to sleep with a guy... if I would be bi I would want to know to... I wouldn't want to know if maybe I were gay at like 40 years old... I guess he doesn't know were he's at... and should I really take this story to seriouse I mean were only 17 its not like if were going to get married tomorrow... maybe should I live the present and will see what happened in the future... I'm scared to loose him because I already broke up with him once and did one of the biggest mistake of my life... I was ready to brake up with him because I put the illusion in my head that he's going to finish with a man and as I know I'm not a man... but should I take the risk or should I wait... friends tell me I should wait because they see he loves me... others say he's dumb and doesn't see what's in front of him... :S

Jake2008 · Jan 11, 2010, 04:23 PM

Is it possible to just step it back a notch, to a friendship instead of a girlfriend/boyfriend thing? Allow him space to do his thing, and be there as just a friend?

If he has no pressure to choose, but ends up deciding he's gay, or bi, then you have a better idea if this is a friendship you can carry on with him. But, if you are dating, and wishing the outcome would be you, and it isn't, it will be much more difficult to live with.

I guess I'm looking at it as keep only a friendship going, possibly for many years to come, or stay a girlfriend and risk losing him forever.