[Peg Luft]

My husband and I have had primary care of a child, now 3 1/2 since he was 6 months old. The relationship is my son's girlfriend's daughter's child. We have provided his own room, all his clothing, all his food, and an unbelievable amount of love. The child's mother is now separated from the father. She is embarking on a course of study leading to an LPN, has a room at our house, also. She works part-time nights. From the very beginning neither parent has shown much interest in the child and that continues today, even though living in the same house. At the moment the child is uninsured; although the mother has applied and is eligible for medicaid. She does not, however, have any interest in pursuing this. As is her motis operandi, she does only enough to keep us off her back. The issue for her is not the welfare of her child, but what is the least she can do to show an effort. I would say, justly, that 80% of her time off is spent with the new boyfriend at his house. The Tuesday before Christmas she told us she was going to social services for an interview... that never occurred. Instead she took the sick child to her boyfriend's to play. I just now got back from the doctor with the child; he has a viral infection but most importantly, has major allergies. Six months ago, after a dentist visit, we were informed that the child needed $2,300.00 of dental work; four cavities in his front teeth and four molars (he will have until 11) that needed the pulp taken out and packing placed instead, and bands around the molars to protect them until they fall out. I asked her to go to social services and pursue the medicaid; I told her I would go to social services and pursue the medicaid; I told her I would take her to social services to pursue the medicaid. Nope. Nada. Zilch. I paid $115.00 plus allergy medication plus a humidifier for his room today. I have been told to put it all on her, however, that puts the child's health at risk while she dances around her responsibility. I cannot deny his medical needs, his clothing and food needs, his emotional needs. This has been going on for three years (not the schooling, the inattentiveness to anything resembling responsibility for this child). I'm getting to the point where I can't even speak to her. Now she says she's going to get an apartment and take the child who refers to us as Mommy and Poppy... we didn't pick the names, he did. We have always told him that his mother is his mother, his father, his father. But what I tell him and what he feels are two different things. We are always here for him, the mother, rarely. What do I do?

[Wondergirl]

I applaud you taking care of this child, but your heart is getting tangled up in his life. As she said, his mother can take him away from you, and then who knows what will become of him.

Have you talked with a social worker? DCFS?

[ScottGem]

Well here's part of the problem. According to you, you have been caring for including feeding the child for about 3 years. If the child has major problems with his teeth, this could be put on your care (or lack thereof). I'm not saying it was, but could be.

So before I contacted family services or pursued any legal avenue, I would check and see what the cause of the dental issues is. If it can be laid on his diet and/or care then you will have problems getting custody or even guardianship.

I'm not trying to attack you here, but present a realistic picture of what family services or a court is going to ask about and look at.

So my advice to you is to consult with a Family Law attorney. The attorney can advise you on the practicality of your application to assume responsibility for this child and help you prepare your petition to do so.