[vanessaxshea]

I left my husband last July, and have always been the primary care giver of my 15 month old daughter. She is living with me in my parents house, and has only seen her father about 2 to 3 times a month. I have always encourage her to see him, but he always seems to be too "busy" to take her.
Now, my ex is saying that he wants to take her for a full two weeks a month, and that if I don't let him take her, he is going to call the cops. She hasn't spent more than a night with him, and she is always a wreck when she comes home from his place. I don't know if she would be able to handle staying with him that long, she barely knows him!
There are no papers filed, although I am going to be filing for divorce on Monday. He wants to come pick her up on Thursday for the whole week. Is there anything that I can do to keep him from taking her for a full week, before them? Please~

[JudyKayTee]

Yes - just don't let him take her. When you go to Court ask for an emergency order for custody/visitation.

Let him "call the Cops" if he wants to. There is no Order in place and this is not a criminal matter. The Police will not get involved.

The Attorney who is handling your divorce is the best source of info.

[cdad]

The problem here is that it doesn't sound like an emergency. So that request may be denied. How long have you been apart ? Are you using a lawyer to file ?

[vanessaxshea]

I am a part time waitress, I can't afford a lawyer, although I wish I could.

We have been living apart for almost seven months. In that time he has never acted like this, he has been more interested in only having her the least amount of time possible.

[Fr_Chuck]

First if and when you get to court, you can expect him to get a joint custody agreement if he wants it, so the child living with him 1/2 of the time is very realistic to what most likely will happen in court.

So you have no custody order, no child support order in place?

You and he need to sit down agree on visits, custody and get an attorney and get this all in writing

[cdad]

It doesn't matter at this point how he has been acting since you didn't mention domestic violence or abuse or neglect. So can you really not afford a lawyer ? This is a critical time for all involved.

[JudyKayTee]

I am a part time waitress, I can't afford a lawyer, although I wish I could.

We have been living apart for almost seven months. In that time he has never acted like this, he has been more interested in only having her the least amount of time possible.

You are filing for a divorce without an Attorney? Do you have the appropriate paperwork?

I would suggest that you start calling Attorneys. In certain circumstances (usually when violence is involved) at least in NY an Attorney will represent you but request that the other party (your husband) pay his/her fee.

I "sort of" agree with CalifDad. I'm not certain that a 15 month old will or won't be traumatized by spending a week or two with someone she has seen only 2 or 3 times a month.

This is an argument for an Attorney to make.

Is your husband able to care for the child?

This is not prying but will become important - why did you leave him?

[ScottGem]

First, I agree that his threats to call the cops are empty so you can refuse to turn her over at this point. Second, You really do need to get all this finalized by a court. And while the case is pending, you can refuse to let him have her.

However, if he gets an attorney and counter files and you go up against him without an attorney, you will probably lose.

As others have pointed out, the back story here is important for us to give accurate advice.

[vanessaxshea]

Yes, I am filing without an attorney, and yes I have all the appropriate paperwork filled out.

He is able to care for her in someways. He works nights, and he has epilepsy, so when he isn't at work, he is always tired, and falling asleep when she is with him. I was always afraid of leaving her with him, even while we were together. There was more than one occasion when I went to the store and left her with him for less than an hour and by the time I came back, he had consumed an entire six pack of beer, leaving her in her crib.

I left him, because I was afraid that our very explosive arguments were going to turn physical. While I wasn't afraid for myself, I was terrified for my daughter.

[ScottGem]

You may be able to get his visits supervised due to his epilepsy and alcoholism.

[vanessaxshea]

I am not looking to keep her away from him all the time. I just don't want him to yank her out of her home, where she lives comfortably and happily, all because he is trying to get back at me.
I understand that he wants (and needs) to have a relationship with his daughter, and I don't discourage it at all. I'm afraid that if he does take her for a week at a time, what is to stop him from leaving and not coming back? He is highly irrational, and has anger issues, so I wouldn't put it past him
I am also worried about him not being able to care for her the hours that he is at work, and because of his epilepsy, when he is with her, she could still be in danger. He had a seizure only two days ago.

[JudyKayTee]

Then prove he's a danger and ask that his visitation be supervised.

[Fr_Chuck]

But the alcoholism will have to be documented, just not your word against his. Remember if you can't prove it in court with evidence, it does not exist.

Next I could see the child's father, getting very angry and saying all sorts of things if he is not getting to see his child. So unless he breaks some laws, you can't expect that to really mean anything.

I know seveal people with epilepsy and it is well controlled with medication, so I'm not sure that is going to be a issue unless it is uncontrolled and he has frequest attacks