[rachaelicious]

Does anyone like ever get back together?! - all of this website is "let it go, let it go" -which is all blindingly good advice but does anyone EVER get back together and it works out?

Just curious - not planning on doing it with any of my ex's just yet -thanks to you guys!

[poseidon]

Hello rachaelicious,

I have advised people to try and sort out their differences and get back into their once loving relationships.

The main problem when answering relationship problem questions on a Q&A Site is that we only get to hear one side of the story. The actual facts may be distorted, exaggerated and completely different. We cannot blame the person asking the question as this is normal and natural human trait.

The best we can do is to answer the question and advise the person asking according to the information they have given.

If I answer a question where I can see the possibility of the problem being resolved, I try to answer with that in mind.

With relationship problems it is always difficult knowing what advice to give and the person answering can only advise from his/her own point of view.

I hope this has been of help.

Cy
(Poseidon)

[valinors_sorrow]

First of all it was a separation while living together, where he moved out. We did not define it as a break up. Even still I knew what the odds were and expected us to eventually end so when he returned I was shocked to my core. We got back together (and eventually married) but I consider that to be an extremely rare occurrence. I advocate working it out to someone if I hear in their post some key elements, which I seldom do. I can confirm that the circumstances of our separation were similar to many of the people's posts here but, at the risk of sounding stuck up, how he and I tend to solve our problems is not very common at all so without those kinds of skills or a similar viewpoint, the chances of a successful reunion are extremely slim. Also any other reunions I have heard about reiterate that they have similar skills and/or viewpoint too. So that is apparently a prerequisite. I believe I know what to look for and answer accordingly -- for more details, surf through some of my more recent posts.

That was a very good question too Rachael, since no one should be dishing out what would amount to "pat" answers. Thank you for posting it!

[Wildcat21]

I have helped several people - BUT - there NEVER can be any cheating, abuse - including verbal, major lying, no substance abuse. You have to have been in love - both - no leading on.

It does happen - but you have to do the no contact thing... you have to PROVE you can live with out them and are quite happy without them.

You also have to CHANGE - improve - figure out what pushed them away and decide if you can stop it.

Make them miss you.

Sometimes the person doesn't realize they were obsessed (VERY unhealthy).

Sometimes they don't want to admit the facts~! They have blinders on.

AND MOST IMPORTANT - A LOT OF PEOPE OLGET I NLOVE WITH THE IDEA OF A RELATINSHIP AND NOT THE RELATIONSHIP.

[valinors_sorrow]

I have helped several people - BUT - there NEVER can be any cheating, abuse - including verbal, major lying, no substance abuse. You have to have been in love - both - no leading on.

I wholeheartedly agree here, a dozen greenie to you Wildcat, only I got the spread message again. There are some things that damage beyond repair. Its then that you (hopefully) learn the lesson and move on. Most of the posts here are of that variety.

[Geoffersonairplane]

I think it is important to understand the difference between a breakup and a separation.

A separation is more of a temporary thing while the two people in the relationship work through issues, with an agreement between each other that it is just time apart and temporary, with a view to a future reconciliation.

A break-up is usually permanent, at least I believe so. Unfortunately, what happened between me and my ex was a break-up and a very real one. I don't think we will get back together, I can fool myself as much as I want to but I know what it is deep down. There was no talk of time apart between me and her except the fact that she said "I just think we should leave it for a while"

Perhaps that could be read as a hint for wanting time out so she could 'do her thing'!

Or perhaps until she worked out what she wanted, who knows? I questioned this for weeks!
You can read my story here if you like!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...elp-39548.html

Now, I just accept that she won't be back and in the months that follow, I most likely won't want her back, even though I love her!

Sometimes, you just have to let go, painful as it may be!

[Wildcat21]

Also - age is a huge factor. If a women is 18 to 25 - it will much harder to get her back,

Guy - 18 to 30 - much harder.