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froggy16 · Dec 28, 2009, 03:35 AM

Is it fair a single mum not to work drop out of uni and put her chilodren in daycare 3 days a week? Expect her ex partner to pay half of her bills when he does not live there? When he pays the whole mortgage instead of child support which is an extra $1000 a month? Will not work because she needs her time to herself? Does not maintain the children's hygiene? What do u think?

redhed35 · Dec 28, 2009, 03:42 AM

If the courts have said that this is the amount to pay,there's not much you can do except go back to court.

As for the free time... thats her time,not your problem.

If there is a health issues with the kids,again go back to court,however keep in mind that it is not just sour grapes,and that you have all the facts straight.

froggy16 · Dec 28, 2009, 03:52 AM

Hi its just a private arrangement for the child support, its just very frustrating that this man will do everything for those children and she does not care or is willing to respect him in anyway just happy to keep taking his money and give him basically

redhed35 · Dec 28, 2009, 03:55 AM

If you're a 3rd party,and not saying this to be rude, but you have to stay out of it...

Frustrating and annoying as it is,its up to him to sort it out.

All you can do is be a friend and lend support.

froggy16 · Dec 28, 2009, 03:57 AM

That's OK your not rude I do understand. Its just hard too when he has commitments with me ( no children) money wise that I am working 6 days now to try and pay for bills etc because the money that he gives to her he should be giving to me ?

redhed35 · Dec 28, 2009, 04:02 AM

Try and separate your feelings for a minute..

He has a lifetime commitment to his children regardless of any commitment he has to you..

I'm sure you would like to see his children looked after before your needs,it's the mark of a good man to continue to support his children and put their needs first..

Again,my advice is too go to court and get a legal agreement between the two parties involved..

froggy16 · Dec 28, 2009, 04:10 AM

I have told him this, he needs advice, he is a wonderful father, we both puts our needs last for those children spose I just needed to get someone else point of view about this situation because its not fair in a way I find it hard to try and deal with her

redhed35 · Dec 28, 2009, 04:14 AM

I do understand,and it is frustrating, but try and keep the conversations about her and money to a minimum...

Don't let his past impinge on your relationship,don't be bitter,and keep the lines of communications open...

You and he are in a different relationship, a new relationship,a new start...

Support each other,have each others back, and don't become a thorn in his side..

If he is doing the best he can,and won't go to court,you just have to stick it out...

Gemini54 · Dec 28, 2009, 11:09 PM

My advice - and I am in your exact situation... encourage him to get the courts to decide how much to pay in child support so that it is legal and he is legally protected - it's for his good as well as hers.

Then, butt out. What she does with the money is her business - even if she pisses it up against the wall. If the children are healthy and well looked after - just leave it, and you have as little contact with the ex wife as possible. It's HIS responsibility to deal with her and the children, not yours.

There is no winning for you in this situation and although I totally understand your frustration, you just need to accept that he has a long-term responsibility to look after his children, which means you and he will always have less money.

Trust me, if you can't accept this then it's no good you being in the relationship. You will just become increasingly resentful and bitter. Which in the end does you no good at all!