[marcienoriega]

Hello I am a 26 year old married female with 2 little girls one is 5 and the other one is 20 months. I dated my husband for two years when I was 18 and he was 19. Two years later we had sex and I ended up pregnant. He was going to college at the time and his number one dream was to finish his career and then get married. Due to the situation, he proposed while I was pregnant. Everyone taught our marriage was wrong an was soon going to end up in a divorce. We soon got married and had our first born child, and then moved away from our families because he had been accepted to the University. At 21 and 22 years of age. We struggle with having to find a daycare for the baby so I can work full time to support him while he was going to school. The Three years that he attended to school I was putted aside and I was being ignored. During all this time I always excused him to myself by thinking that these was only going to happen while he was extremely busy with school and that all he was trying was to finish school as soon as poss. So we can have a better future for our family. When my daughter was 3 and a half we had our second daughter. We have been married for five years now and it has been a year that he graduated from school and he works as an engineer for a large company and he has to drive one and a half hour to work every day and works for about 10 hours a day. I now go to school to finish my career and my marriage has come to a disaster. We fight every time we get the chance which is basically every weekend. I have not been happy with my marriage for over a year. I had talked to him many times and I had tell him that I am not happy and that he needs to try to spend some quality time with me and the girls. I want to go out with him just the two of us and he has refused. I don't get special treatment for my birthday or mothers day or any special holiday. All this has made me so that I started thinking he does not care for me and I became very independent from him. When he is not home I feel happy and I feel myself. I feel that I can laugh as loud as I can and be as happy as I want to be with out him. I have talked to him know and I told him I needed a break and I also told him I am not sure if I love him anymore because my hart does not go crazy for him anymore as it used to in the past. We have been away from each other for a little over a week and he has realized that he failed as a husband and he is willing to do what ever it takes to gain me back because he says he loves me very much he ll do anything to see me happy.
My problem now is that I am not sure for my feelings towards him anymore. I don't feel I need him, I don't feel I want to be with him anymore, I don't like him kissing me or hugging me because I don't feel as if he was being himself since he has not been this way for so long and now that he is trying, I don like him trying so hard it makes me uncomfortable. What can I do?? I have seen my life and the girls' with out him, I don think I need him and I kind of like the idea of being alone and have some freedom and date again. Please help me to find an answer. I told him I needed time and that this was poss. Going to end up in a divorce but he refuses to the idea because of our daughters. He is a really good man over all he cares a lot about the girls and they love him dearly but I don't feel that way. He has cried for me, and this has made me feel guilty and I almost want to stay by his side for the rest of my life so he doesn't suffer because of me. I don't want to hurt him but I want the best for the both of us whether we are together or apart from each other.
Please help me! I am desperate! What can I do to solve my problem!

[Wondergirl]

Where do you live? Is counseling a possibility for the two of you? You need an unbiased third party to help the two of you learn how to talk with each other, even if--and especially if--this comes to a divorce.

[Jake2008]

I agree with Wondergirl, an unbiased counsellor will help you sift through this impasse. It too often happens that one party or the other takes everything for granted, and when its realized that there hasn't been enough effort made, it's too little too late when they try to turn the tables around.

It is also easy to do, when you have learned to essentially live without his input, participation, partnership, as you have, and realize that you can make it on your own, to put up barriers and be very cautious of allowing him in again. You can stay in that place, knowing you hold the cards to your future, his future, and your families future, but, is that the answer?

Only you know that, but, my opinion is, for what its worth, is to try to give him a little bit of the benefit of doubt, and credit, for trying to change. He could easily have just agreed with you that its over, but, obviously he wants his family and marriage to work.

What he may not realize, is that change has to be permanent, and consistent. If you let your guard down, and two weeks from now its back to where it was, then your resolve will only be greater to end it.

Counselling will help get both of you through this. I hope for all your sakes' you will seek out this resource and see what can be done to come to a decision whether to work hard together, or end it. There really isn't any middle ground.

Good luck to you.

[talaniman]

I agree with the others that you both should try to get some help through this by a qualified counselor.

You can always end things in divorce, so why not give it a try. It may turn both your lives around.