[comforting2010]

I have been dating for boyfriend/fiance for almost six years now. Last March he asked me to marry him and I accepted. Before the engagement he took on a new job overseas which brought distance between us for the first time throughout the relationship. He had been gone for eight months until recently returning home for the holidays for a visit. While he was gone, our relationship involved video chats and expensive phone bills, but I thought out communication could not have gotten any better. He trusted me and I trusted him and we both loved each other very much and could not wait until we reunited and wedding day. All the while I was asking for his opinion about the wedding and ceremony but he was and has been very vague about the planning aspects and details of the wedding but still showed me tremendous amounts of support and love. On his visit home, we did not spend much time together as I had dreamed. The time we spent we very little. He seemed the same, showing amounts of love and compassion through our conversation, but his time seemed to be preoccupied or he was extremely tired when came time to see me. Of course, I become confused and upset. This trip home was not how I had expected. I became so upset that I questioned his love for me and whether it would be this way when we did marry. He feels now that I questioned him too much and I that over-reacted to this situation, and now he wants to question the marriage as well and the relationship. I still want to marry him and I love him dearly, but I am confused as to why the visit lead us to dissipation. I need help?

[I wish]

It's very difficult to plan a wedding while you're apart.

Can't you wait for him to come back from work? You're basically doing all the work in planning while he's away.

I suggest that you wait for him to come back so that you can spend a few months together rebuilding your relationship and actually planning the wedding together in person before actually going ahead.

Marriage is a huge step and it doesn't need to be rushed.

The key word is doing things together rather than apart.

[talaniman]

Several things stand out,

First time in 6 years being separated

Being separated for 8 months

Maybe some high expectations for the reunion, and some over react, hard to say at this point, but it seems the time and distance should have made for a mutually welcome reunion, but it hasn't so you have a disconnect that only a calm and honest discussion can bring, and not accusing.

Seems that after 6 years you would have already established some honest enough communications, to deal with this situation.

Distance is very hard on most mature committed couples but does show you some weaknesses you need to deal with. TOGETHER, AS ONE.

Will he be traveling much if you get married?? Alone or with you??

[comforting2010]

talaniman, there will be more traveling in the future, but I can not go and will not until we are husband and wife. The plan was for me to plan the wedding with little help from him and we get married on his next visit home. After that time, we will travel together.

We also have some communication together, but when I tried to communicate with him about the situation he has had little response.

[talaniman]

Hard to make a plan for two, without both your inputs. He sounds very resistant to your plan, so what is his? What does he expect to happen?

[comforting2010]

Cold feet? He wants to hold off on the wedding planning.

[I wish]

It does sound like cold feet. Furthermore, you're getting doubts about him too.

I suggest you work on strengthening your relationship before you worry about marriage.

[talaniman]

I don't think he is as committed to this as you are.