[zakhar]

I'm divorced. It was a short marriage, and I was not faithful during it. I've been dating my current girlfriend for over a year now, and I told her everything up front. I've been absolutely faithful to her and cherish her with everything I've got.

Every now and then, the infidelity and marriage issues creep up and we get sad for a while. Nothing I can do seems to satisfy her that I'm done with that style of life and I want to shape something new with her. It's really frustrating, at times, when she and I can't seem to come to a common understanding.

She's also worried about marrying me because she doesn't want to be my "number 2." When she talks about it, it's quite hurtful. We've written about our feelings and shared the writing with each other, with the full understanding that we could say anything we wanted, and the stuff she came up with was pretty bad.

Yet, we still love each other and want each other. Is this possible?

[talaniman]

It takes more than a year to reshape the past, or even build a future, but the idea is to keep on working together. Of course we get down, and discouraged when it doesn't work as fast as we want it to, that's natural. The point is to keep working at it. That's how couples get old together, they just keep being willing to work together. No matter the obstacles or issues.

[Synnen]

How, exactly, does she want you to change the past?

The problem is hers. If she cannot get over it, then I suggest that you both move on, because it will be a sticking point for the rest of your lives.

I suggest couples counseling.