[lushs]

My husband does have a problem with his spine and needs to see a chiropractor. This actually aids in his odd behaviors, but I don't know what to do. We don't have any money for him to see a chiropractor, both of us being laid off and all.
He visited his family a few months ago and decided while he was there that he would start smoking again after close to 2 years! Understand his family being smokers and do not see any of this as a problem (also, I pointed out to them that it isn't the fact that he's smoking so much as lying about it). I have an allergy and can't be around smoke.
He LIED to me about buying the cigarettes (not the first time) when he was visiting. He kept this lying going for over a month, saying he found some old cigs in a jacket pocket, picked up thrown out butts, etc. I knew he was lying, but rather than go through all that crap with him AGAIN, I let it go.
Then one night the truth HAD to come out because I am tired of being lied to. He promised he wouldn't waste any more of what little money we have on cigarettes. Then another pack showed up. Yesterday, he again promised me the same thing.
He is going so far now as to make serious, life-altering decisions to keep the truth from me--Tonight, he decided to drink beer, then took my car to get cigarettes--he doesn't have a valid drivers license, it's Saturday night, he drank at least 7 beers! I was completely sober, but he left before I could be outside, all just so he could go behind my back and buy cigarettes. He does not see what he did as a problem at all. He even said he is okay to drive. NO HE WAS NOT. We have a rule that you can not drive after even one drink.
How can I impress upon him the serious nature of what is happening? I already made up my mind, and informed him that if he gets arrested AGAIN for driving without a license and/or being drunk, he is on his own! I explained to him that he will never be eligible to get another license if he gets caught. It should be noted that he NEVER drives anywhere. He just had to lie to me about cigarettes that badly.
My question: What do I do? I love him more than anything, but I refuse to live like this. He doesn't seem to care, won't talk to me, shuts me up or yells at me that I talk too loud and sound like trailer trash if I try to talk to him about it! Avoiding discussions I understand, but he knows that it will never be dropped until resolved. I tell him, TELL him not yell, that he has no respect for me or for himself doing this to us. What can be done when talking won't work? Obviously talking doesn't work since he will just LIE.
Leaving won't work! What now? We've been together close to 10 years, married for 2 1/2, more happy than not.
He had stopped lying to me completely after seeing a chiropractor for a few months, he quit smoking on his own, too, and never wanted a cigarette. Is the answer finally saving up enough money to continue treatments (around $2000 to begin)? If so, then what can be done NOW? Help!
If this were my son, I could ground him, take away privileges, punishments. But, he's my husband, my partner, the person who gets half-say in everything. I don't know what to do!
He sees me typing and asks why I want to put a sappy sob story for everyone to read? I tell him that I need to get answers to how I can handle this. Since he's drinking, he sometimes gets belligerent and/or mean and disrespectful.
ISSUES: He lied. He smokes--now he claims he actually likes it whereas in the past he has told me what a disgusting habit it is; I WILL NOT be married to a dirty, stinky smoker, and he is well aware of this fact. He is making stupid decisions and acting as though it's all right and he's infallible. We are unemployed with no source of income, and he is not receiving unemployment benefits yet. That money could be used for better things--helping to pay for the chiropractor for instance.

[sabrewolfe]

I don't know what else to tell you other than leaving him. If you can't get through to him after all you have already tried to do, then there is not much else anyone else can tell you to do to make him understand or care. You could threaten to call the police if he drives again, but I know you don't need another bill to pay and it probably wouldn't make him care anymore than he already does. With the way the economy is right now, a lot of people are having a hard time and having to live by their means as best as possible. You seem to be the one making all the efforts and sacrifices while he uses up all the resources and does whatever he wants despite how it will affect you both.
You cannot make someone change. If they are not willing to, you either accept them for who they are and what they do, or you get away from them. Im sorry, but that seems to be your only alternative. Let him fend for his own. Maybe it will make him see the light. Sometimes you need to use a 2x4 to get a mules attention.