[siberiangangsta]

Ok so like everyone else is here they have a question but with that question comes a story. Some stories are longer than others but it's the help we are all seeking. Iam 21 years old and I have been dating a 24 year old girl. We first met in a park in Seattle, WA one night through a mutual friend. The group we were with all ended up going there separate ways that night but by some divine force her and I just staying with each other. Iam kind of a shy guy when it comes to first meeting someone. I was very polite and it almosted seemed as if she had been my friend for months. I asked her if I could just give her one kiss that night and she said that it would be fine. I know it sounds lame probably to some of you out there but it was about respect for her personal space and I didn't want to intrude that. So We ended up hanging out more and more as the days went byand the months went by. I didn't have sex until I was 18 and it wasn't anything special just a fling I guess but that's beside my point. The first time that we had sex was just one of those things that you didn't plan out it was just going with the flow(later turns out flow no go)and it just seemed that I couldn't imagine anything to make that moment any different it was in fact perfect. So I ended up moving into her house cause I was out of my parents out of rebellion and just didn't want to live with my parents just being irrogant. She was the one to offer me to stay there and at first I couldn't believe it but I didn't want to just say OK right away cause I didn't want to come off as taking advantage of the situation. She stayed at her moms house cause her mom was disabled and it would be difficult for her to do some daily task in a house all by herself. So just basic respect of her house was given cleaning,cooking etc. We became more familiar to each others real side when in a house setting. Little fights would pop up here and there over stupid things. I wouldn't see the agurements as being reasonable so in which case I wouldn't respond to them all the time cause responding to disputes on fired emotions isn't always the best idea. So I would say that I am not talking about it until we both have calmed down and to me that seemed to be the best action to take. But she wanted to talk about them now and she would get frustrated when I would not respond. So we would start to get on each others nerves. Just the differences in living situations and how we did our own thing around the house. We would talk about how we would both would try to do our best to try to arrange life styles so that it would be a more of a mutual understanding. It didn't quiet work out as I wished it would have but that's not saying it in a selfish way that's still the mutual understanding. We would be with each other 24/7. I met some friends through her and so we had the same friends. I kind of lost touch with my friends when I entered the relationship. This wasn't because of an insecurites or anything to do with controlling each other. I just lost touch. Our love life in the beginning was great. I was still just entering the world of sexual activity and still a little nervous. But she had been more sexually experienced and so she made me feel comfortable in these situations. As time went on everything just started to go down hill. Not just at a slow pace but it seemed that is was headed for crash course of lets just be friends. So in this time we both noticed it of course but it almost started to feel awkward in certain situations so the sex began to stop the cuddling can to a halt and almost no kissing even to just say hi. So this carried on for sometime. Then a life tradgey occurred when her mother passed away. We new for sometime that it was bound to happen any day. So I was there for her in a sense of helping her in ways that I could but I didn't understand something's so I couldn't be the support she needed. So she had a big burden on her hands her mother had just passed and we had to remodel the house to put it on the market to be sold. She lived in this house for years and it was going to be hard for her to leave it. The reason I left this factor out of the story for this long was only because people will judge a person on intoxications based of statistics and that's a unrealistic decision to make. During the remodeling process we began to use drugs in a more consistent pattern than breakes in between binders I guess if some of you know what that means. But anyway I believe that we began to lose touch with each other and not to mention ourselves didn't help our situation at all. Still being in in the house that we are remodeling we have 4 friends(she calls them)staying with us but they also help around the house in anyway they can which takes some stress off her. But dealing with this giant portion of loss and responisibilty she didn't know really who she was or what she wanted to do or needed to do for that matter. Going through the motions as most people do. So all this time that we had spent together talks,cuddling,our humor everything seemed to have been put into jeopardy. This is where everything just seemed that we had crashed into this dead end of a relationship. Once we were to get the house sold we had plans to take a fairly new purchased RV and travel across the US just her and me. Then a little after that we already have paid in full to go to Europe for 3 months. Far as I know this is all still going to happen but its not like she has become this completely different person that I've never met before but some of the things that used to concern her and have her question didn't really have much of a role in this half of her life. So me trying to maintain myself didn't know what to do. One of the friends that is staying in the house didn't sit quiet well with me. She said that I was controlling and that I would point every little thing that she did wrong. Id be lying if I said that I didn't but I am not like that all the time. She said that if she has the oppurtunity to polorize with someone then she is going to do just that. She is very much a positive attraction and I am the negative attraction. The friend and her began to get closer and closer. I began to get more jealous. She would laugh at his sense of humor at almost every joke and I didn't understand cause we never joked like that. It was sexual references and all along those lines don't get me wrong I think its funny to but when its coming from someone you already dislike. And we never joked like that I mean once and a while but she then would tell me that's here type of humor?? Making someone laugh I've always thought was a big plus and when someone tells you something like that it makes you feel like then what the hell was all that in the past were to laughing to hold me over making it seem like I am funny but anyway so at that moment I knew that the next however long(currently still going)was going to be hard. In a sense I am going to wrap it up cause I need answers suggestions from outside perspectives. The would begin to whisper when it would be just them 2 in the room and I didn't start to easedrop but it just became a paranoid thing. Then there a couple times when I was trying to listen that I swear that they were talking about having sex together. I tried to talk to her about it but it's a hard topic to bring up and I would not say what I wanted to say so it would carry on. Then I came out with it and just plan asked are you 2 going to have sex together and she said no. I was so convinced that I heard what I heard and she kept saying no and saying that's its all in my head and I am hearing things. This would make me feel ultimatly powerless and the fact that she would say you don't trust me if there's no trust this friendship(hoping to become a relationship again)isnt going to work. So I didn't know what to do I tried to just cope with the situation but so many times I suspected something or heard something I kept bringing the topic up. They would go to the store together for hours on end but have the merchandise to prove that would have had to shop to get all that stuff. And me not being the shopping type I didn't like to do all that often so when they would go shopping and my jealousy kicked in and suspisions I would say hey can I go and she would say no just plan no there's no negotiating I wasn't allowed to go and that would make me mad. She would prepare herself to go out in public more with him then she did with me spending more time to get ready and so fourth. And her body language when they were at the house didn't appeal to me at first but I did some research and a lot of it matched the source of research. Also researching the actions of a liar and she fit some of the description not all of it but still kept adding up. She still bring up the trust thing and that its all in my head. Just last night Sunday Dec 6 he came back from picking up his friend(one of the roommates)from work and I was in our bedroom doing my own thing when I notice that I hear the front door shut as if someone was coming in. So I listened by the wall and from what I thought I heard was her,him,and the roomates(as if they all knew but me)were whispering and something that she said about the fire. Iam guessing the connection of just having sex with someone with no ties but someone you click with thing. So I confronted her and same response and so she left and went back to the living room and carried on eventually forgeting it for the moment and so I went out there and was acting like I never do just all cocky and questioning everybody who I thought was making secret references toward me. So everyone mood change as if I knew this secret if there was a secret. And I told her if she were to just tell me what's going on that I wouldn't get mad I just want to be told the truth and not kept in the dark. I do love her a great deal but lying and possible putting false ideals in my head for the safety of her unknown personality is not right. So please help me out and respond with any perspective positive negative I need it all Thank you for your time and I look forward to reading what you have to say.

[talaniman]

I think this relationship has run its course, and the fact you have so many other people (that you don't like) added to the mix, makes this a bad situation with to many other distractions to effectively deal with a one-on-one relationship.

What you had has changed and for whatever reason, its not the same any more.

Ideally remove yourself from this situation may give you a better view of your reality, because for sure, your not working together as a solid couple, and actually moving apart from each other.

This is her life, and your along for the ride, and could benefit from doing your own thing, getting yourself on solid ground, then seeing where your at.

You really need your own thing at this point that doesn't depend on her, or them. Then you will have more say in what goes on around you.

As it is now, your helpless to effect your own plan, or even communicate to your partner.

That's not good.

[sabrewolfe]

As Tal said, you should get yourself away from the situation. They are making you the outcast and it will only get worse. The longer you wait, the worse it will get.

[Jake2008]

The relationship with your girlfriend sounds over for the most part. The relationships with the other people in the house have also soured.

Between the paranoia of figuring out who's saying what to whom, you are only polarizing yourself further from them. You could be right that they are in a sort of conspiracy against you, and add drugs into the mix, and who knows what's going on.

My opinion is you should probably either move back home and get your act together, get working, or get into school, and try to build a solid life for yourself before you tackle another relationship.

[siberiangangsta]

I would like to start by saying thank you for your respone to my question it is much apprecitated. That honestly sounds like advice from a couple of good friends even though I have no idea who you are but that's not the point. So back to the topic I would like to say that you are both right and that does seem to be the best choice for myself. I was planning to leave for at least a week just for sometime maybe to go help a friend sell christmas trees or go spend that time with my parents. Either way time is running out until we hit the road. Thank you for your opinions and your time.