[Lenni]

I have been with my current boyfriend for almost 4 yrs we did split up for 2 months we have a 2yr old son and one on the way and I am jealous of all his friends that are girls I freak out when he talks on line with them or if I see him hug another girl and I don't want to lose him I do love him but this jealousy that I have is tearing us apart and I don't want this I need advice to not get mad at him or blow up at him

[s_cianci]

Just how friendly is he with these other girls you see him hugging or chatting on-line with? Has he ever given you any reason to suspect that he may have cheated on you? How does he react when you communicate with other men? Sometimes jealousy is justified and sometimes it isn't. I don't know about your situation. You've been together for 4 years and have 2 children together. Have you ever discussed marriage? If not, why not? That's just a question that comes to my mind. A lot more needs to be known about your specific circumstances before one can give you a viable response.

[talaniman]

Maybe your pregnancy has your hormones and emotions off balance.

Did you feel this way before the pregnancy, or is this recent behavior for you?

[Lenni]

This is a normal thing for me I'm always jealous and don't want to be no he's never given me a sign of cheating on me and yes we have talked about marriage... Just he is a few yrs younger than me and I am just afraid to lose him I try so hard and I hate that he has women friends and don't know how to handle it I want to be with him for the rest of my life

[talaniman]

Thank Lenni, for your reply. Your jealousy is from insecurity from the fear of losing him. I suspect its happen before to you, and your re feeling those feelings of the past, correct me if I am wrong.

Its important to know that when you feel this way, not to act impulsively, or or say things you may regret. I think it better if you express that your having those feelings, to your boyfriend, but assure him that your working on it, and tell him to be patient with you. He should reassure you, but for your part, you have to get to the root of the problem and deal with it.

Be honest, are you insecure about this relationship? Why, if your answer is "yes". Being alone with two kids is a reasonable fear, and why is important.

[Lenni]

I know I love him and he is an amazing father but he does know I am trying I just wish there was a better way then me always getting mad at him and I hate it cause that pushes him away I want to bring him closer and maybe there is something I can do he is my world and my kids world

[Fixer12]

Maybe you need to not focus on trying to get him to be closer. Try and just be happy with what you got, and he will come closer to you. Sometimes when we want people closer then they really are it creates a fear in us to draw them closer and in the end it can come off very jealous-like to the other person.

Bring him closer by showing him you love him and care for him, not getting upset and mad at him when he talks to people. Everyone is aloud to talk to anyone. It is how they talk and what they talk about that you need to watch out for. Best of luck!

[jaime90]

It is okay for a couple to be protective of one another. To me, it is ridiculous to be jealous of your man when he talks to other women- and you need to work on giving him that freedom and letting him go, because as a human he has the right to befriend anybody he would like. (however, if he is befriending people that would be of bad influence on him, you would be showing love by showing concern and cautioning him- but not by controlling him.)
In my opinion though, when a couple is together- physical contact with anyone of the opposite sex, aside from family members should be considered inappropriate. Nobody is immune to the temptation to cheat- by restricting physical contact with the opposite sex while you are in a relationship, you are really protecting yourself and your partner from the temptation to cheat.
You should go to your partner and tell him how you feel. Ask him if it would be okay if you both come up with healthy boundaries. Let him know that you feel very jealous and you realize it is unhealthy for you to be feeling jealous when he talks to other girls, but for his own protection and for the integrity of your relationship (imagine a friend or family member seeing him hugging another girl.. ) you would like to find some middle-ground when it comes to physical contact with the opposite sex.
Communicating and being honest about how you feel, is the key. The more you hide it, the worse you will feel, and the worse it will be if and when it comes up later... Jealousy also has great potential to destroy a relationship if not dealt with, so for the sake of your relationship, you need to tackle this head-on.

[paxe]

It is okay for a couple to be protective of one another. To me, it is ridiculous to be jealous of your man when he talks to other women- and you need to work on giving him that freedom and letting him go, because as a human he has the right to befriend anybody he would like. (however, if he is befriending people that would be of bad influence on him, you would be showing love by showing concern and cautioning him- but not by controlling him.)
In my opinion though, when a couple is together- physical contact with anyone of the opposite sex, aside from family members should be considered inappropriate. Nobody is immune to the temptation to cheat- by restricting physical contact with the opposite sex while you are in a relationship, you are really protecting yourself and your partner from the temptation to cheat.
You should go to your partner and tell him how you feel. Ask him if it would be okay if you both come up with healthy boundaries. Let him know that you feel very jealous and you realize it is unhealthy for you to be feeling jealous when he talks to other girls, but for his own protection and for the integrity of your relationship (imagine a friend or family member seeing him hugging another girl...?) you would like to find some middle-ground when it comes to physical contact with the opposite sex.
Communicating and being honest about how you feel, is the key. The more you hide it, the worse you will feel, and the worse it will be if and when it comes up later...Jealousy also has great potential to destroy a relationship if not dealt with, so for the sake of your relationship, you need to tackle this head-on.

We're not animals to not have "physical contact" with the other sex. I mean a hug is perfectly normal between the different sex, it's not like we're saying he's putting his tongue in their mouth. That would actually seem more controlling than anything else.

I think building your own life and taking care of yourself will give you more confidence and less insecurities, so less jealousy. You can build your full life by going to new activities, taking a new sport, working generally on yourself.

[Lenni]

Thanks for all the support but I wish I was able to do this for him and I I love him more than anything and don't want to push him away I feel like I am and I have been through so much already in my life and I know that he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with but I am not sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and I don't want to be afraid of that... My jealousy sucks and I want to control it more than anything but I am a women and its hard cause I think there better than me and Im not good enough... Thanks again everyone

[talaniman]

You're a poster child for low self esteem, and emotional dependence, hence the fear. We all have fear, and its how you deal with it.


1) Set personal goals that you can attain, simple ones at first, within the time frame of a day

2) make a plan to do something good, for just you.

3) make a point to never act or speak without thought. This is important to change how you act and react.

Do your home work- This means keeping a journal everyday, write down your thoughts and feelings for review lets say every week. This will help you see patterns in your thinking, and find the things that triggers your emotions. Eventually you will see your fear, and face it.

Questions
1-Age of you, and your partner, and children?

2-Married, or living together?

3-How long together?

4- Education of you both

5-Employment level of you both

Any trusted older people, parents, or teachers.

Just trying to add to the info, as much info as possible.

For you,

http://www.wanttoknow.info/coreissue

http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/re..._jealousy.html

These are good reads, and can help, I just googled

"overcoming jealousy" and "overcoming fear"

It is no shame to be guided thru the process of learning, and understanding, if you have ever considered therapy.

Do this for yourself.

[Lenni]

I am 29 yrs old he is 26 yrs old we have 3 boys combined and one on the way we have a 2 yr old and two 8 yr olds we have been together for 4 yrs I am a full time supervisor we both have our grade 12 and we live together we have known each other since high school we were friends bk then too