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Rainy Sky · Nov 30, 2009, 07:22 PM

We have this friend of ours who calls our daughter strange and weird to her face. Now, she's only 4. Is this appropriate or should I have a reason be bothered by this? He's single with no children and most of the time he never thinks he's wrong... annoying!! I think that children should have positive reinforcement, especially from adults. Kids are kids and they like to have fun and that's what she was doing innocently - just goofing around. What do you think?

Gemini54 · Nov 30, 2009, 07:30 PM

I agree, that it's not appropriate fro him to be calling a 4 year old weird. Perhaps he’s not used to dealing with children and thinks he’s being funny. I’d just gently ask him to use different words when he talks to her, or see him when your daughter isn’t around.

Jake2008 · Nov 30, 2009, 07:41 PM

I hope he doesn't mean those words literally.

'Freak' is another one I hear quite a lot.

Most likely (I hope) it is just today's lingo, and doesn't mean anything, and your daughter isn't bothered by it.

But, if it makes you feel better, ask him if he wouldn't mind using other words instead. No harm done.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 30, 2009, 08:15 PM

Well unless she is strange it is not proper.

JoeCanada76 · Nov 30, 2009, 08:23 PM

We are all strange in our own way, but to say these words to a child is negative and not good. To call somebody weird and strange is not positive. Especially with a child.

jmjoseph · Nov 30, 2009, 08:49 PM

If he did it to my kids, I wouldn't give him the opportunity to do it again.

I would either straighten him out by letting him know that you don't want your child feeling different,or inferior, or keep him from being around her at all.

Kids have the tendency to take adults' comments literally.

This is inappropriate, and should be handled immediately.

Aurora_Bell · Dec 1, 2009, 11:31 AM

Fr_chuck,
I know that you are entitled to your own opinion, but do you really think that was a helpful answer? Do you really think that a 4 year old is strange? Silly, sure. Funny, probably. But strange, I mean come on...

artlady · Dec 1, 2009, 12:14 PM

Inappropriate indeed! I would tell him in no uncertain terms that as a family you do not use negative words with your child and that you expect him to do the same.
Remind him that children are little people with feelings too!

mudweiser · Dec 1, 2009, 12:24 PM

Some kids are weird.

My friend's son is 4 also and he thumps his head against the wall for quite some time. He puts playdoh in his underwear and likes ketchup on everything. I've called him weird and he says "well that's what makes me special".

Really, sometimes I think parents are way too sensitive. One look and they go balistic.

If you don't like what he's saying to your kid then tell him!

I have a child of my own. She's almost 3, she does some strange things and my friends call her "tardlette" or "dut dut". I don't think it's hurting her. Maybe if it was "hey ugly" or "your stupid" then I can see that as negative reinforcement. Calling someone weird or strange now that isn't... everyone is weird or strange in their own way. It's better than being boring and the same.

Anywhozzils, my point is don't go nuts- tell him you don't like it. The End.

bigblack · Dec 1, 2009, 09:44 PM

I agree with Mudweiser... you have to keep his comments in context of the situation and his 'single un-parenting' situation. If his comments would be interpreted as hurtful by your daughter, then either keep your daughter away from him or tell him to censor his comments. But don't make a big deal out of nothing. Sometimes it's the best lesson to learn to laugh at ourselves. Our own adult behavior can be classified as 'weird' more often than not... but that's what makes us unique - hopefully your reaction to your friends comments make your daughter feel unique and not weird:) - your reaction to your friend is what's most important of all.

jmjoseph · Dec 2, 2009, 02:28 AM

bigblack's quote:[- your reaction to your friend is what's most important of all.[/QUOTE]

In my opinion, it's not the friend that's "most important:, the friend is third. It's your child( does it hurt her feelings), then yourself(if it makes you feel uncomfortable), and then the friend(last).

Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill, but if it is bothering you so much, and if your child is offended, then talk to this "friend".

Aurora_Bell · Dec 8, 2009, 11:26 AM

I totally agree with you JMJ, but I had to spread some rep around. I think if it hurts the child or the parents feelings, then the Friend shouldn't be saying it. Maybe it's nothing, but regardless if someone is getting offended then that person should speak up for themselves. Kids are funny, and you OK I guess strange, and yea it does make them unique, but sometimes when it is being said it sounds hurtful. I can only speak from personal experiences, but when I was a kid I was always the funny one. I would always be joking around or playing a prank. And I remember when I was getting older, people would call me "strange, or stupid or retarted" and I started censoring myself because I wanted to be liked, I didn't want to be called retatred for making funny faces or trying to make my friends laugh. I know they didn't really think that I was mentally handicaped, and they always said while they were laughing, but it still got to me. Any ways, who knowes maybe I am strange, now that I am older, I have waaaay too much other stuff going on to worry about who thinks I am strange or not :P