[Mistique]

Last Tuesday my brother calls my husband and tells him he is having some issues with his ex (which he is staying with until his renovations on his house are done), his ex is going out and not really participating and he has had enough (which I don't blame him for) and if he could stay at our house for a couple of weeks until he finds a place to rent. So I called him back and said okay for 2 weeks to a month but out before Christmas and I want my own space.

My house has two adults and two young children, a smaller living space and is very well kept, clean and I have nice things in it. So they started staying here starting on Thursday. It was okay since his son goes to school during the week... but then the weekend came! Horrible! Now I have a 10 month old, a 3 year old and a 9 year old. This is way too much for me... I have no idea how single moms do it with 4 kids... really!

The thing is this, the 9 year old does not listen to me, talks back to me and has a smart mouth. At his dad's house the boy cleaned and everything but at my house; opposite. He knows how to clean up after himself. I had to re-educate him about potty training and he was not impressed (neither am I if it is on the floor, toilet and wall - you know boys :)). My husband works a lot so I have NO expectations of him. Now that I have two more people in the household I just say, respect each other and clean up after yourself as my house is not a barn and you are not a guest; you are staying here very short term and in this time there is a few things I expect so we can all get along and I am not overextended. I still clean up after everyone... regardless of what I initially said and I am wearing down thin... plus cooking double.

I don't want to be a free babysitter;
I don't want to take on a role of being a mom (I have two really, really, really small kids of my own);
I don't want to overexert myself;
I don't want my house to be a mess;
I don't want to be talked back at;
I don't mind making supper but then everyone knows where the dishwasher is right?

My brother is very clean and stands beside my decisions and how I run things (he appreciates the cleanliness and big dinners)... his son isn't behaving at my place but did at his own place. Okay if I know it will be a definitive time (2 weeks - I can survive) but my brother isn't clear.

Should I just stay reserved until two weeks pass and see how I feel? Or tell him out by a specific date? I just want to make it work for two weeks (I don't think I can last a month)... after that I want to enjoy the rest of my leave before I go back to work... which is soon and I was hoping for a peaceful Christmas.

What do I do? Or am I over-reacting? I know how to deal with children just not big ones that aren't mine... help!

[NowWhat]

Communication is key here. You can not allow things to bottle up. Talk to your brother about his son's behavior. Let him know that if this is going to work - the boy needs to respect that he is in YOUR home and this is what is expected of him.

I have a 9 year old - they are perfectly capable of doing their chores, listening (even though they don't want to) and not back talking. This is your house so YOUR rules.

From the sounds of it - your brother gets it - so talk to him. And if you let him know ahead of time that 2 weeks to a month TOPS - he knows.

[Mistique]

I tried communicating (showing love and compassion). He does not respect me (never has for example - he rolls his eyes and sighs) and is pushing boundaries. I honestly think the boy could care less about how I feel and that it is my house and how busy I am with my own children... he isn't my son to be disciplining or cleaning after! He is a smart kid... really cute and very affectionate... just the things he does to push my buttons - I think he does it on purpose :) It's like even when he talks to daddy (in one ear and out the other).

So I talked to daddy and took your advice! I think the boy is going back to his moms and my brother is going to stay with us for 2 weeks to a month... I said until before Christmas and said you should have most of your renno's done by then and have some peace and quiet for Christmas yourself.

Thanks for the reassurance and advice.

[Mistique]

I looked into my nephews backpack to see what he is learning at school and found a letter from the school advising of December programs. I researched the school and found it, it is a school where children with relationship/social/family or behavioral problems or more specifically help for children that are ASD or ADD. My brother told me he was ADD... I guess if I would have known that in advance that would have been nice :) - that explains a lot.