[Shannongirl85]

I have been with my boyfriend about 6 years. Probably about 5 months ago he moved to Colorado.. I live in Maine.. we planned for me to move to Colorado in January after I finished college. He has been very distant lately and said he isn't sure if he wants me to move out there now. He also said that he thinks I care more about him than he cares about me. I think he is scared that if I move out there I will hold him back from having fun. I'm not sure what to do because I feel like he doesn't care anymore.. he never tells me he loves me anymore or calls me... is he cheating on me? I really don't think that is the case but I'm so confused... please help... I need advice:confused:

[amicon]

People's feelings change and however sad and hurtful that is we have to accept this. It seems that he s planning for a life that doesn't include you. My advice is cut your losses, and build a life for yourself where you find happiness being who you are doing what you want to do.

[jaime90]

I agree with amicon. Wondering if the guy is cheating or not will drive you crazy. If you don't plan on spending your lives together, then you must assume you will break up. This guy isn't ready for a life-long commitment if he is consistently un-loving. You should move on from this guy- you don't deserve to be treated unlovingly. It will be difficult to do, but it could make you feel happier. In my opinion, I'd rather be single than with a guy that doesn't care.

[Jake2008]

If he's saying that you care more about him, then he does about you, what do you think that means.

If somebody told that to me, when I'm about to move my life to another place to be with this person, I'd be putting on the brakes, period.

Regardless if you have a reason, (ie cheating), or no cause at all, the point is, you are considering a life upheaval, on a situation that is no longer what you thought it was.

That is sort of investing your life savings in the lottery, and being surprised when your numbers don't win. It is a huge gamble, that with the obvious clues, you are not going to win. The relationship has changed, and you have an opportunity to change direction yourself.

In a way, it's good that it happened now. Had you moved, it most likely would have been a disaster, complete with a broken heart.

[Stringer]

Most often two people do not fall in love or fall out of love at the same time. By all appearances he has changed and he is moving on. The person that has made this decision has had time to prepare for it, the other person has not and this is heartbreaking and startling to the one that didn't see it coming.

I have always believed that the initial pain that comes when this happens, although devastating, will pass. But the other person will always have to live with their decision.

You will heal and hopefully learn something positive from this and go on with your life. They on the other hand will always question their decision and wonder if it was the right thing to do both for themselves and hurting someone who loved them.

Although we may not have all the facts and information here, you need to go through this pain but you will be fine for all the right reasons. And have the knowledge that you did nothing wrong, he will have to deal with what he apparently intends to do.

Ask him directly what is going on, push him to tell you the truth, this will hurt but you will be better for it. Don't accept anything less than the truth from him Shannon.

The best to you,

Stringer

[Gemini54]

He's really trying to let you down gently and you need to hear what he's saying, even if you don't want to. I do understand that it hurts to have someone say that you care about them more than they care about you - but hey, at least he's being honest.

It will take some courage on your part but speak to him. Stop second guessing what's happening and ask him where he sees the future of the relationship. He needs to man up and tell it to you straight. You may need to be brave and take his answer on the chin.

[Shannongirl85]

Thank you all for the answers. He is visiting next week and we are going to sit down and talk. He is barely calling me or texting me now.. its breaking my heart.